It was April; things were greening up, the sun shone and the temperature rose a little more every day. A spot was available for Art at nearby Sunridge Haven Retirement Residence for the first of September, and the old house had been listed with a real estate agent who seemed optimistic about a quick, profitable sale. 
           
She’d been weeks without even a tiny crisis at work, and even the errant Jeanine was showing up on time and had developed a new appreciation for the alphabet and the part it played in a filing cabinet. 
Erin should have been happy, but she wasn’t. She was tired and cranky and anxious enough it actually made her feel nauseous some mornings.
           
Something was definitely going on with Tessa and Tanner. She knew it had to be more than simple adjustment pains to their new living arrangements, but whatever it was they weren’t sharing it. She couldn’t believe how devastated she felt to be isolated. She’d foolishly assumed if she gave them the time and space they needed, they’d seek out the pleasure of her company. It hadn’t happened.
             
The warm familial evenings and half a dozen phone calls a day she’d received in the beginning had deteriorated until she sometimes didn’t speak to either of them for days. Tanner had constant meetings in Toronto. Tess frequently accompanied him. As far as Erin could tell, she’d missed almost as much school as she had attended since the term had gone back after March break.
           
She hadn’t seen them in a week, and Erin was convinced whatever business was keeping them away, almost certainly was of a personal nature. She’d been correct all along. The gleam of their ultra-quick romance had already tarnished with the tedium of day-to-day living. Her imagination ran wild with the possibilities. Had Tanner met another woman in Toronto?  A lady who was new, glamorous and made even more appealing by her distance? Plenty of men were only interested in the chase, in reaching for the hard to get, or unattainable.
           
Perhaps in making herself so available to both of them, she’d compromised whatever appeal he’d felt when she was a safe plane distance away. It made Erin physically ill to think of her beautiful little romance fizzling out almost as rapidly as it had begun, but that certainly seemed to be the case.
           
Sad as she was at no longer having Tanner in her life, it was even more devastating to have Tessa suddenly drop her. She’d grown to love the girl, and believed they’d built a strong friendship. Tanner was just another man and his capricious desire to look for greener grass was distressing, but ultimately not that big a surprise. She thought she’d formed an everlasting bond with his niece, and was shocked to discover Tessa’s affections were as fickle as her uncles.
           
Two weeks passed with only the briefest of telephone conversations. Erin had accepted that it was over, and was working beyond sad and into a scorned sort of anger when Tanner walked into her office unannounced.
           
It was a busy Thursday afternoon. Jeanine was booking the next appointment for the person Erin had just finished with. Her office mate’s waiting client sat flipping a shiny new National Geographic, and Phil himself stood at the door parting with his finished appointment. Tanner behaved as though there were no one in the office except Erin. He swung open the door with his usual, hurried energy, and took her in his arms. He kissed her deeply, and said he’d never been so glad to see her.
           
His impulsive action made everyone in the room uncomfortable. Erin’s cheeks burned with embarrassment. She quickly guided him into her office and shut the door.
           
“I know. You don’t even have to say it. That was completely inappropriate, but I’m not sorry.  You’ve been avoiding me, and I’ve missed you like crazy.”
           
“You have that entirely backward from my perspective. I’ve been right here, just a phone call away. You and Tess have both been avoiding me.”
           
“Not so.”
           
She wanted to stay angry, it seemed far safer then giving way to the tears that suddenly threatened, but looking at him diffused whatever spark of temper had been ready to ignite.  He was pale and disheveled, his smile was still warm and engaging, but there was something uncharacteristically bleak about his deep blue eyes.
           
“Tanner, what’s wrong?”
           
“Tired. I had meetings all day in Toronto.” He ran his hands across his face a few times, as though he could somehow wipe off the exhaustion. “Tess stayed there. I’m picking her up tomorrow.”
           
“I was beginning to think…”
           
“Don’t think.” Tanner seemed to realize the harshness of his words and attempted to soften them with another weary smile. “Just for tonight, okay?  Don’t ask me anything, and don’t think. Just be with me. I need you, Erin.” He buried his face in her hair, and held her tight. “Please, just be with me tonight. I don’t want to be alone.”
           
“Sure, yes of course I will.”
           
Erin had one more appointment. Luckily it was Patricia the narcissist, who was happy to fill the hour bitching, and never required her therapist to do anything except mumble in agreement. Had it been anyone else, Erin would have had to cancel. She was far too distracted to focus on anything other than Tanner’s odd behavior.
           
As soon as she was done with Patricia, Erin drove home to fix a quick meal for her dad. She changed into jeans, sneakers and a sweatshirt and headed to Tanner’s. He’d prepared a salad and barbecued chicken, but neither of them did much more then push the food around on their plates. 
           
Tanner said little as he downed three generous glasses of scotch, neat. Erin started to speak several times, but realized everything that sprang to her lips was a question. She wasn’t to think or inquire about anything. She would do her best to respect his wishes until he felt ready to tell her what was really going on. It was obviously huge and extremely difficult for him. She’d never seen him so quiet, nor did he ordinarily drink beyond the odd glass of wine or cold beer.
           
Leaving only the small light on over the range after they had tidied away the wasted dinner, Tanner led her to the family room, set the stereo on low and held her like he didn’t want to let go.  He spoke in oddly disjointed bursts, telling her antidotes about his childhood, as well as Tessa’s. He also shared for the first time that his father had been an ugly drunk but had mostly ignored him and his mother was what he referred to as a Valium Queen. A total space cadet.
           
“She just wandered the house all day with a vague smile on her face,” he said with a bitter laugh. “Mom never disapproved of anything I said or did, nor did she particularly approve. She was just there, and so was the old man, unless you made him mad, and then you were sorry. That’s what made me so susceptible to Tess. After being ignored and disregarded my whole life, here was this kid who needed me, wanted to be with me and looked at me like I’d hung the moon. Pretty potent to have someone worship you that way, and whether I wanted to admit it or not, I needed her as much or more than she needed me. Tess made me human. Shit, I love that kid.”
           
“I know Tanner, and she knows, too. She loves you the same way. You’re doing right by her.  Few kids are as fortunate as she is.” Erin chose her words carefully, still completely unsure the actual point of the conversation.
           
Apparently, there wasn’t really a point at all. Tanner didn’t say another word. He began to kiss her, and then led her upstairs, where he made love to her at a pace that was frantic and overwhelming and desperate, like he couldn’t get enough.
           
“I love you, Erin. Oh, God, I love you so much,” he gasped, then curled his body around her.
           
“I love you, too,” she whispered back, but he was already sound asleep.
           
When she woke, he was gone. The emptiness of the big house echoed like a chasm that wanted to swallow her whole. She felt so sad and used she wanted to lay there and let it. The frantic mewing of the kittens outside the bedroom door finally roused her. Clad in the white terry robe Tanner had given her at Valentine’s Day, she stumbled down to the kitchen with the cats leaping and doing crazy eights between her feet.
           
She fed them and turned to find a note propped against the coffee maker. In his bold scrawl, Tanner had written he wouldn’t be back until Sunday night and would she please feed the cats. He’d signed it, I love you. Tanner.
           
Erin plugged in the kettle and made herself an instant coffee, gnawing the end of a Bic pen to smithereens while she tried to compose her own note.
           
Tanner: You and Tessa very quickly became not only the biggest, but also the best part of my life.
           
She took a sip of coffee, scalded her tongue, cursed and clamped the pen back in her mouth until her teeth ached.
           
The fact that you are so important to me is what has made our recent distance so hard to understand or accept. Your vague reference to business and the unexplained absences have left me no option but to imagine the worst. 
           
She paused again, blowing on her coffee, before taking a careful sip of the noxiously strong brew. Tiger the kitty leaped to the table, where she wasn’t supposed to be, but Erin didn’t have the heart to shoe her away. She set aside the pen and picked up the fuzzy, purring little body. She borrowed her face into the cat and cuddled, as she tried to think of how to write her concerns, without coming off like a psychotically jealous and clingy female.
           
Do you have legal problems? Financial issues? You spoke unexpectedly of your family, is there some relationship crisis? As you can probably tell, I have no idea what to think. If you truly care about me, please trust I will do anything in my power to see you and Tessa through this, regardless of what the actual problem may be. All I ask is that you share it with me.