Terry had met General Roger Murphy four years ago when Thorne & O’Leary did a little pair up with special ops in the Middle East. For a while, he kept in touch with the old man; nothing big, an occasional e-mail, holiday greetings, a retirement card. Murphy was the kind of man all soldiers admired. He demanded respect by his own actions, was a humble man with a voice the size of an entire army. Terry had heard that his retirement party was massive, hundreds attended; comrades and subordinates, contemporaries and civilians alike joining the celebration of an extraordinary man’s life accomplishments. The only reason Terry and Dino were not present had to do with a captive in Taiwan.

Asking a man like General Murphy where do we start is like asking God where did I go wrong. This was far more complex than Terry admitting weakness to a man he respected and admired … it went all the way to having to admit it to himself. Thirty minutes into the session and Terry had actually not told a damn thing.

He managed to sidestep the issue by asking about the General’s family, talking about the business and exploring various cases that might be of interest to a man like Murphy. And that’s where Terry fell into his own trap.

“So, tell me about this last mission, Thorne.”

He cleared his throat. “Last mission? The last field mission I was on?”

Murphy tilted his head and Terry felt his knee begin to bounce.

“No different than talking about the others, Thorne. Just make your report.”

Report. Report. Yeah, he could do that. If he kept emotion out of it, it should go just fine.

“Dino was covering a negotiation in China. Very complex although, like most complex negotiations, it didn’t seem that way in the beginning. Then, he was taken. Subsequent discoveries proved that the kidnapper and the original kidnap victim were one and the same.”

“When did you take over the case?”

“As soon as we learned of Dino’s captivity. The only possible outcome without active intervention was to have my partner’s body delivered along with the living counterfeit kidnapper. I took one of my field operatives and moved directly into action. Negotiations continued to be –”

“Thorne … why were you not covering the negotiations in the first place. It seems unconventional for only one man to handle such a crisis situation in a communist country.”

“Yes, yes, that’s correct. Dino,” Terry shrugged. “Dino chose to take the case alone.”

“Where were you?”

Terry swallowed hard, reached for a pitcher of water and poured a glass. He gulped, drew in his breath, rubbed his eyes.

“Where were you, Thorne?”

“I was … I was on holiday, sir.”

“Why were you on holiday?”

“I would prefer not to discuss this.”

“I would rather you did. You see Thorne, I need to uncover the level of guilt you have over –”

“I have no guilt, General. Dino made a choice. It’s not the first time he’s done this and he’s usually quite successful.”

“Tell me about this … holiday?”

Terry rolled his neck. Obviously the man wasn’t leaving this alone. Fine. He tightened is lips. “Ever been divorced, sir?”

Murphy sat still. Silent.

“Well I’ve been … twice. Somehow I fucked up again. There. So … I needed a holiday.”

“The rescue?”

Terry couldn’t bear to go there. His eyes locked on the General’s and he finally raised his destroyed hand.

“Can I assume that O’Leary is alive and well?”

“Yes, he is.”

“Now … now we can start the hard work. Tell me, Thorne. In your mind, what is the worst case scenario?”

Terry grunted. “Isn’t that a lot like looking at the end? The worst possible end to all this?”

“Is it?”

“They teach you that trick in shrink school,” Terry grinned sadly. “Answer all my questions with another question? Tell me somethin’. If that’s all we’re gonna do, it seems I can do that myself. You think I haven’t thought about the worst possible outcome here?”

“I’m sure you’ve thought about it plenty. I’d just like to hear it.”

So much agitation grumbled in his gut, Terry had to take several deep breaths. He gulped more water and eyed the General with pure hate. “Why? Why do you need to hear it?”

“I don’t need to hear anything, Thorne. Do you know why you’re here?”

Terry blinked.

“I have a patient roster that could choke a horse. When Charlie called me, I cleared my books, waiting for you. You. I can help you, Terry. But unfortunately, just like with Charlie, you’ve got to do the work. Tell me … don’t tell me. It’s you we’re here for buddy. You.”

“I don’t see how accepting the worst is gonna make it any better … sir.”

“Let’s just call it a starting place. Throw me a bone here. Give me just one … one of the worst possibilities for your life from this day forward.”

It was brutal. Terry knew what the man was looking for. He didn’t want to say the words but how could he refuse? He reassured himself with the idea that nothing said would ever leave the room. That coated it all with a thin sheen of comfort. Not much, but enough to start … and obviously he had to start.

“Alright. Nothin’ you don’t already know … but the absolute worst case scenario is that I’ll be useless. I’ll have nothing to offer to do my job … accomplish the goal of freedom for a captive … to … protect my family or those I care about.”

“Your family?” Murphy went right at the core. “Tell me about your family.”

Terry shrugged. “It’s a family, mate. Like any other family I suppose. Made up of people who hold a special place in my heart.”

“Were you with them when Dino was taken?”

“Ah,” Terry blinked. “No.”

“So, these aren’t people you would call on when you’re disappointed in say … a failed marriage?”

“That’s not it. General, you gotta understand something. I never had anything like this before. Yeah, yeah. I grew up like any bloke. Mum and dad, couple of sisters. Joined the military, then the S.A.S. then K&R crisis management. Never had time to stay in touch with real family.”

“Then who are these people so important to you?”

“Mates, their wives. Just … people. People I … treasure.”

“You’re always there for them?”

A nod.

“Are they ever there for you?”

“Bloody hell, of course they are. The divorce was just … just somethin’ I needed to get through alone, that’s all.”

“And this injury.”

“I was there!” he was getting angry. No one talks against his family, not even General Murphy. “There in Vermont. There to recover … there to … help out.”

“You were there to recuperate. Help out with what?”

“What’s this gotta do with anything?” Terry shouted. There was no way he could go into that Portal craziness.

“Have you ever had a time when you couldn’t help them?”

“No! I intend to always be able to do that, fuck’s sake!”

“Tell me, Thorne … are you saying your injury would make you less valuable to this family? A family who obviously cares for you as much as –”

“I gotta be able to fuckin’ protect them!”

“Have you ever had an occasion to … protect them? In a way you can’t manage now?”

“Yes! One of them was taken hostage a little over a year ago. Right on her property.”

“And you saved the day, Thorne? Did you have help with that?”

“Of course. Police … others … with experience.”

“I see. I see. And if that occurred today?”

“This is ridiculous.”

“Is it? It’s my observation that you’re thinking that should a similar situation arise, you would be useless. Am I incorrect?”

“I might be!”

“Did you use a weapon on that occasion?”

“Yes.”

“Could you use a weapon if it happened today?”

“With my left hand. Of course.”

“What’s the problem?”

Terry fell silent. Okay, Murphy had a bloody point. Even left handed, he could manage in a crisis.

“Let’s put your family aside for now. Terry, tell me about your business.”

“You know all about my business.” The pain meds were wearing off. How bloody long had he been talking with Murphy? Weren’t these sessions supposed to be an hour long? He glanced at his watch. He had been there nearly three hours. He reached for his meds and purposely downed two right in front of the General. The bastard might ease up if he realized how much misery Terry was suffering. No. Not likely.

“What do you do at Thorne & O’Leary. Exactly.”

Terry rolled his neck. “Business. Train negotiators, plan, organize, manage cases, manage simple office functions. I also train field operatives and lead extractions.”

“So, seventy percent of your responsibilities are in the office, correct?”

“Somethin’ like that.”

“And if your men handle their negotiations correctly, there’s no need for extraction situations. Right?”

“What’s your point. You sayin’ I’m chained to a desk?”

Murphy felt his gut roll. He groaned a sigh and rubbed his eyes. “You know Terry,” he spoke gently. “Look at me. I didn’t retire because I wanted to retire. I retired because my body said it was time. It told me day and night that it was finished with the job. But my mind? My mind had no intention of giving up. I chose to change my life. Consciously, carefully chose to do something else that could be effective and powerful.

“It wasn’t easy and it’s not meant to be. We pay for everything, Terry. Everything. I can not be a soldier any longer. But I can be an effective therapist. It fulfills my need to be of service. I understand that need you have. I really do. But it came to a point where I had no choice … but to make a choice.”

“Yeah,” spat Terry. “And if I was seventy bloody years old I might be satisfied with your kinda life too. I’m forty-four. There’s too much for me to do to be …”

“Crippled?”

Terry shot to his feet and stomped to the window. He starred out at the growing darkness, feeling more trapped than a hostage and angry enough to kill Murphy with his bare hands. “What the fuck do you want from me?”

“Nothing. But I do want peace for you. Let’s talk about the word crippled.”

“Let’s not. Isn’t this session going on a bit too long?”

“I know you’re in pain, but trust me buddy. We’re close to a breakthrough here. Just be patient, try to cooperate and let’s keep going.”

Buddy? The General called him buddy, called him Terry instead of Thorne. There was no way Terry could describe the strange reaction in the depths of his heart as he realized that. So few have ever tapped into his need to be just a man, he was nearly overwhelmed. Murphy might easily be a manipulator with his therapy sessions … but he’d struck a cord. Belligerent wouldn’t play well in this situation. In fact, Terry didn’t even feel angry or confrontational at the moment. He felt like sitting in the chair and crying like a fuckin’ nipper. That wasn’t gonna fly. He straightened his cuffs and jacket, sat and looked into the General’s eyes.

“What the bloody hell are you doing to me?”

“Helping you.”

“How, by making me accept something I just might be able to fix?”

“And … what if you can’t? What if this is it for you? We’re all being honest here, correct? Charlie and your surgeon have made it very clear to me … and to you … that this just may be the extent of your recovery.”

“Can’t be. I’ve got work to do, mate.”

Murphy stood calmly with and old-man grunt and moved to his desk where he opened a folder and jotted a few notes. “I think we’re finished for today.”

Terry stood but couldn’t quite get his feet to move to the door, even though all he wanted to do was get the bloody hell out of that office. He cleared his throat, tucked his hands in his pockets. “I didn’t mean to fuck up.”

“Today?”

“Ever.”

The General leaned back in his chair, groaned and ran a hand through his thinning white hair. “You know … men like you and me … we’re so damn good at our jobs. We build soldiers. Such extraordinary soldiers that they forget to be human.”

With a slow melt, Terry lowered to the chair.

“A soldier knows how to build a team to support his mission. Your family? Your biological family is a hemisphere away, buried in your memories and nothing more than a Christmas phone call I’d guess. So, like a good soldier, you’ve built a new family. A gathering of people who are valuable to you. Your support. Your team. And like a good soldier, you take care of them.

“Terry, something I want you to think, and think real hard about. This team, this family … they are your support. They’re people who love you. They’ll stand by you no matter what. They include your partner, your business … Charlie and me.

“There’s nothing I could ever say that could convince you that you no longer need to protect them no matter what idiocy they get themselves into. Look at Dino. I know damn well he fucked up. You know he fucked up. I know you carry some resentment that he fucked up. Doesn’t matter though, I know the depth of your commitment to him. To them all. To us all.

“But … it’s time to shake things up, Terry. Time to look for other ways. Time to be human. Drop the fucking armor, man. Let them see what you’re suffering and let them help you through.

“Trust me. It’s our turn to save you, Terrence Thorne.”

Terry’s head nodded numbly. The meds, the empty stomach, the reeling of his mind all added to some strange, torturous break down. His walls were crumbling, the armor was falling and it was fucking heavy armor. Could he do it? Even think about it?

“Now, go home. Get some rest. Let’s pick this up next Thursday, four-thirty. Good night, Terry.”