The sun was just cresting over the mountains as the big Ford Ranger prowled through the town, its engine growling menacingly to no one in particular; it was Saturday morning and the streets were still deserted. As it pulled into the driveway behind Andy’s SUV, the truck’s engine gave a final roar of defiance alerting everyone in the household that Kim Barrett had arrived home.

Andy was still asleep, but Monna was in the kitchen when she heard Kim drive up, her curiosity piqued as to where he had been the previous evening. Andy had suggested he was probably with a woman and that started Monna to wondering; just what kind of woman would strike Kim’s fancy and more importantly, what female could put up with him for more than a few hours at a time? She wasn’t being mean to be thinking along this vein – her relationship with their houseguest was rather close and she was actually quite fond of him. She was aware of how he had a way of putting some (well, most) people off, but if they’d spent enough evenings sitting at the kitchen table discussing life and their jobs as she and Kim had, they’d see his soft underbelly. He could be difficult to someone who didn’t know him certainly, but once they broke through his GQ façade, they’d see a young man who had a deep core of values that weren’t all that different from that of most men she knew. He wanted a family one day; a nice home, a loving wife, maybe even children. Problem was, he often behaved like a consummate jerk.

She heard him come through the front door as the smell of morning coffee lured him back towards the kitchen, the heels of his Italian loafers tapping upon the floor in an unnatural cadence. Was Kim drunk? Turning to look at him, Monna actually had to hold back her laughter.

Kim was meticulous about his appearance, from his choice of hair care products (Paul Mitchell) down to the brand of socks he wore (he owned stock in Ralph Lauren). She had never seen him look disheveled or even casually rumbled, yet there he stood, his slacks wrinkled beyond recognition, his shirttail hanging out from his waistband, no jacket in sight, his hair sticking up like he’d been given a fright and the tell tale residue of bright red lipstick stained along his neck and shirt collar.

“Good morning sunshine.” She had just poured a cup of coffee for herself but handed it over to him instead. He looked like he really needed it.

He gave her the look of a little boy who’d tracked mud into the house as he plopped down at the table, the pounding in his head having nothing to do with a hangover.

As Monna poured another cup of coffee and sat down across from him, she again almost laughed out loud when she noticed the unmistakable traces of fingernail claw marks on one side of Kim’s neck.  “Okay, blonde or brunette?”

He didn’t miss a beat. “Redhead.”

“Anyone I might know?”

Kim was all too aware that Monna was teasing him. “Unless you’ve been spending much time at the country/western bars in town, I doubt it.”

“Somehow, I never much pictured you as the country/western type.”

“Neither did I.” He ran his hand over his face, all too conscious that he desperately needed to shave. As he took a sip of his coffee he thought back on the previous evening’s events and his eyes sought out Monna’s. “You wouldn’t believe what happened last night. I’ve been around a bit, you know? I mean, it’s not like I’ve lived the life of a priest or anything …um, yeah, I guess you would know, wouldn’t you?” He actually giggled. “I met this sheila the other evening by the name of Ashley Baker-Reed. Just came up to me from out of the blue as I was leaving the appliance store and started talking to me. Knock out figure, a wild head of red hair, green eyes, great smile …had this real annoying nasal sound to her voice, but I’m not so shallow that I can’t look beyond that, you know? Anyway, she gives me her number and we met for drinks last night. She works at the Bunk House and we decided to meet up over there. We have a couple of drinks and then she suggests that we dance.”

He ran a hand through his hair and took another sip of coffee. “Monna, I felt like a three legged dingo … I can waltz, tango, rumba, samba, shimmy and shake, but the Texas Two Step? But Ashley insisted and the minute we’re out on the floor, WHAM! The alcohol kicks in and she’s like this crazed bronco rider, wrapping her legs around mine, grabbing onto my tie like it was a stallion’s lead or something … bloody hell, I think I left my tie at her place … anyway, she was hot, you know? Couldn’t keep her hands offa me. I’m thinking that it’s all a bit fast, but we’re both consenting adults, so why not?

“Long story short, we get to her place. We head back to her bedroom and we’re going at it – and she’s just incredible; killer breasts, fabulous kisser, and next thing I know, we’re naked and on the bed and it’s just about to happen and you know what she says to me?”

Monna shook her head, trying her best to keep a straight face throughout Kim’s narrative. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to hear the intimate details of his sexual escapades, but this was almost better than any episode of Top Chef.  To not hear Kim out would be like passing on the chance to talk shop with Anthony Bourdain.

Another brush of his hand through his hair as he continued. “She starts telling me how she’s a really bad girl and needs to be spanked.”

Monna’s hand flew up to her mouth as she tried to hide her smile and what threatened to be a loud guffaw of laughter. “No she didn’t.”

Kim’s eyes grew wide and he nodded his head. “Yes, she did. And I’m like, okay, this is going to get interesting. But I can’t do it. I’m not the kind of guy who can strike a woman, even for something like this. So I tell her that as open I am to new experiences, this just isn’t my bag. And that’s when she gets up and goes to her closet and starts pulling out these different paddles. PADDLES! Acrylic, pine … who knew there were so many varieties? And they all have these holes drilled through them, which she explained was for better traction and she proceeds to demonstrate on her own arse! And I’m just sitting there on the bed realizing that I might have gotten into something that I really don’t want to explore further and then from out of nowhere, she pulls out these handcuffs and the next thing I know, she’s got my wrists shackled to the bed and I’m literally her captive for the night.”

“Oh my God, you’re kidding? Are you okay?” Her eyes gave him another quick once over. All joking aside, the thought of what might have happened upset her greatly.

“As twisted as it may sound, it was incredible. I can’t say that I want to do it again, but I had no idea small town girls had so much … imagination.”

“Kim, you knew nothing about this woman. She coulda had some real sick kind of intent and you’re lucky that she was only into rough sex.” Her amusement had turned to near horror as her mind imagined all the tragic scenarios that might have occurred.

Kim’s expression was one of wide eyed innocence. “Monna, believe me, I’ve been thinking of nothing but that since she found the key to the handcuffs.”

“Oh no way. You’re not telling me that she lost the key.”

“Well, somewhere between the paddle display and Pony Girl fashion show …”

“Pony Girl?”

“Um, yeah. Ashley’s really into horses.”

“No way.”

“Way. She has this latex body suit with a real horsehair tail and bridle …”

“You’re sick.”

“I was handcuffed to the bed. It wasn’t like I could get up and leave.”

“Now I’m really worried about you.”

Kim was touched by Monna’s concern and he decided to set her mind at ease. “Don’t. It was a mistake, I’ll admit. I know that I’m lucky that it all ended up being quite harmless, and I’m definitely not about to join some underground sex club.”

“Thank you for setting my mind at ease.”

They both grew silent, Monna fighting the urge to knock Kim along side the head for his complete lack of judgment as he stared at some undetermined point on the wall behind her.   

“Monna, what is it about women, anyway?”

“What do you mean?”

“Oh, I don’t know. It’s just that I’m not really sure what they want.”

“Wait a minute, you’re asking me for advice on the subject?”

“Well, yeah. You’re married to my best friend and you’re both happy as clams. You have your careers and you enjoy each other’s company. Andy’s devoted to you and would never do anything to hurt you, and I know how devoted you are to him. I don’t know, I really thought Arianna was the one. She was so bloody gorgeous and really ditsy. Not dumb, but she had this way of looking at things that just made me smile. We had talked about having children, buying a nice home in Long Island; I really thought that we were going to make it and she just threw it all back in my face. And this Ashley … all night long she’s going on about how she’s been married before and really wanted to meet Mr. Right, and yet she’s into this alternative lifestyle … are we all just wasting our time?”

Monna reached across the table and placed her hand on top of Kim’s. “All I can tell you is that it all happens when you least expect it. I had no intention of falling in love and then here comes Andy. You can’t plan this sort of thing. Maybe right now you need to work on other things and just let romance happen when it’s supposed to.”

“Monna, I get so tired of the dating game. I used to be pretty good at it, but the more I see how everyone’s settling down; you and Andy, John and Riles, Hando and Mere, Jack and Natalie …you see what I mean? You all really have something. I guess you could call yourselves soul mates. I’d really like to have some of that for myself.”

Monna was touched that Kim trusted her enough to open up in this way and gave his hand a reassuring squeeze. “Don’t try so hard and just remain open to possibilities. Someone’s out there waiting for you, Lord help her.”

Kim grinned. “Yeah, I’m a regular Prince Charming.”

“Well, you do have your moments. But I still love ya. Hey, you like some breakfast? Andy’ll be getting up soon and I was thinkin’ of whipping up an onion and cheese frittata.”

Kim’s eyes lit up and his stomach grumbled. “Any chance to get some bacon on the side?”

Monna loved cooking for the people she cared about and Kim’s enthusiasm warmed her soul. “Sure. Why don’t you go take a shower and I’ll have it ready when you’re through?”

Pushing away from the table, Kim went over to Monna and gave her a hug. “Thanks.”

Monna noticed the stale scent of cheap perfume clinging to his skin but she kissed his cheek anyway. “Just don’t make me worry about you, okay? Use a little common sense next time.” She still couldn’t help but shudder at what could have ended up happening to him.  

“Okay, mum.”

She playfully poked him in the ribs and he let her go.