"Can you tell me what's bugging you?" Carrie said, sitting far to the other side of the car, her back against the passenger door and her eyes on Colin's profile.

"Nothin'," he grunted.

"Okay, fine. So the next logical question is…what am I doing wrong? If nothing else is pissing you off and you're griping at me…I must have upset you somehow."

Colin didn't answer, simply glared out the windshield with tight lips.

"Listen," she sighed softly. "I am doing my best, Colin. I'm trying to keep L.J.'s bull crap to a minimum and make your life as easy as possible. I understand the stress of driving…I'm…I'm really trying here."

More silence from behind the wheel. It wasn't her turn to ride with Colin; she'd swapped with Lennie to have extra time, to attempt to figure things out. The team usually switched around often during a long journey from track to track. It gave them all an opportunity to speak their mind, have a few laughs and share ideas. It was a good team, a real team that worked and played hard together. But something was seriously off the mark with Colin. They were all feeling it and she took it upon herself to get to the bottom of it.

He'd ended the last two races badly, further back than fifteenth place and she knew he wasn't pleased with it…but it's the way it goes. He'd been around racing far too long to expect things to always go well. It wasn't his driving either…and it wasn't the engine. It was just the way things move on the NASCAR circuit. He knew that. Nope, it wasn't the racing that was eating at their driver.

Then….there was that other thing. The thing they never talked about…or was it all in her own head? She knew she'd become deeply attracted to Colin. Spending so much time with him made her see the remarkable man he is. He was honest to a fault, fair and a strong leader. He spoke little but when Colin opened his mouth, everyone listened. Maybe his successes were overwhelming to him? Maybe what was currently happening was shaking his confidence? Or…or…maybe he just wasn't attracted to her? Perhaps he was never going to forget her past relationship with his nemesis, L.J.? Whatever it was, it was time to get it out in the open.

Without warning, Colin pulled off the highway into a rest stop area. He opened his window and waved the following vehicles to move on. Alone, parked in the shade of a tree, he cut the ignition and rubbed his eyes.

"Carrie, darlin' believe me, I know you're doing your best. And you're doin' great. Maybe this doesn't have anything to do with you. Can ya accept that?"

"Sure, but there's one problem."

He finally turned to face her, drawing his knee up on the seat and groaning a sigh. Colin braced for the worst. He'd been hard on Carrie. The shiela carried the brunt of work for the team, all the scheduling, all the press releases, all the arranging and tweaking for hotels, meals, paperwork and anything else that reared it ugly head from upset stomachs to lost charge cards. And she was doing it all well; balancing everything on her fragile shoulders. They'd just become so fucking close, he felt okay with blowing off steam. The problem was, when he did pop, it always seemed to be targeted at her. Had he finally crossed the line? Was she gonna quit? Leave him high and dry without a road manager? Had he pushed her that far? Fuck all, he bloody hoped not. "What problem?"

Carrie opened the door and climbed out of the car; he followed, kicking stones, head drooped. He was in for it, he just knew it. Maybe he needed to make his apology before she started reading him the riot act. But he knew it didn't work that way. Women needed to say their peace…and God knew he probably deserved whatever was gonna come out of her mouth. She sat at the base of the tree and he thudded down beside her. Stretched his legs out long and crossed his ankles, trying to look as cool as he could. Maybe he'd be able to appear surprised? Maybe not.

"Colin O'Brien," she started, staring ahead…not a good sign. "Maybe you don't realize this, but I'm not angry because you always seem to choose me to blow a gasket with. I understand you need to get it off your chest."

"Oh." It was the only word he could think of to say. Nope, he didn't realize that.

"I don't care if you do it. I just occasionally think it's good for me to kind of confirm that it really isn't me you're mad at. See…"

She'd stopped so abruptly he had to turn to see her face. Was she blushing? Damn.

"I thought…well sort of imagined…that we're real friends…maybe we could be better than friends. And the point is," her words sped up. "Real friends are honest with each other. I mean if something has you this nuts, maybe…even if it doesn't have anything to do with me…I think…no, I know you should talk about it. There."

"There?" he chuckled. "Has big bad Carrie laid down the law for me?"

"Yes," she huffed, turned her pretty blue eyes to him. "Yes I have. Now spit it out, O'Brien, or you and me, we're going three rounds right here, right now." She made a fist and he guffawed.

"Well, love. There's a threat I can't ignore." He shifted to face her, sat cross legged and ran a hand down his chin. "Okay. Ya wanna know, I'm gonna tell you. I was in love with a woman for three years."

"Natalie?"

"Don't interrupt." He waited for her to nod then continued. "Yeah, Natalie. Don't think there was ever a worse mismatch, but we tried, tried hard. Lots of people thought it should work, ya know, so we kept trying. The problem wasn't that we fought, or that we didn't love each other…least I think we loved each other the same…but the point I'm trying to make is…"

Carrie blinked. Waited. "Is what?" she whispered.

"It just didn't work. I wanted her to marry me; she didn't want to be married. I wanted her to travel with me; she didn't want to do that. She had her career and her life," he shrugged. "I had mine. Don't think it was ever gonna work. But Carrie, I fuckin' loved her. Loved her completely. I kept hoping, ya know.

"Shit happened, we started the team and she just kinda cracked I guess. Left me, went through terrible shit that had little to do with me, but fuck all, I felt like it did…felt responsible…anyway…it was over and done with eight months ago. Last week…I got an invitation. An invitation to Natalie's wedding."

He watched Carrie's eyes, saw the sadness and pity there. Shrugged and continued.

"She's marrying a bloke I know. Someone she's known a long time. Someone who's bound to be a hell of a lot better for her than I ever was. So there, that's it in a nutshell."

"Are you going to the wedding?

"Bloody hell, no."

"I think you should. I think you need to. Colin, how else can you move on with your life?"

"Don't be fuckin' feeding me that 'closure' shit. This ain't psychological, Carrie. I got my sorry arse dumped and I'm not feeling like I gotta face this. End of subject."

"But…it is psychological. It's all about how you feel. Tell me something. You still love Natalie?"

"I'll always love her," he huffed.

"Then why would you purposely hurt her? She wants to share her happiness with you. What are you telling her by refusing?"

Another non-committal grunt.

"You're telling her you don't love her, you don't care that she's happy and you want her to know you're miserable…that's what you're telling her. Is that what you want to tell her?"

Colin was silent, his brain churning.

"Another question. If she came here right now, said she wanted you back…would you return to her?"

This he had an answer to. He just didn't want to say it.

"Would you, Colin?"

"No."

"Okay, now. Are you going to go to Natalie's wedding?"

"Can't. Got a race."

"You're avoiding this. Answer the question. Are you going to go to Natalie's wedding?"

"If I didn't have a race, I'd…think about it."

"If you didn't have a race…and you had someone to go with…would you go to the wedding?"

"This is gettin' ridiculous, Carrie. Let's hit the road." He stood, but she didn't. He looked down. Fuck all, Carrie is such a pretty thing. Truth be told, she was the only pretty thing he had eyes for. What he didn't have was the energy or courage to pursue her. He groaned, shuffled his feet. "You saying you'd go with me?"

"I would."

"Okay. If I didn't have a race, and you were going with me, yes…I would go to Natalie's wedding. There. Now can we get back on the road?"

***

Colin thought he'd cleared himself of any real commitment to attend the wedding. Although he would have enjoyed time away from NASCAR and the circuit with Carrie, time to explore the people they were outside of work…well, that wasn't about to happen. The next week, Colin was dead on and came in second place. The weekend of Natalie and Jack's wedding, Colin had taken track time to test the engine before Saturday's qualification….and kissed the wall at turn three.

A tire had blown, the front fender lifted, slipped along the wall then leapt. There were no other cars on the track so Colin was cool, calm and collected…he just didn't have control of the car. It rolled and he watched the world tumble. He felt his shoulder pop from the belt strain…and the only thing on his mind was…bloody hell, guess I'm taking Carrie to a fuckin' wedding tomorrow after all.