Sharp electrical charges flashed, snapped and crackled, making Cal McAffrey jerk and twist as he fought it all. His body was in freefall, but toward what? Could he hope it was a bottomless pit? Or at least a pit lined with oh, like a hundred mattresses? (Pea optional.) Not likely, the way his life had been going. Panic pushed his blood so hard his ears thundered and he worried for his heart. What were the numbers from his last cholesterol test? The doc said high. Was he about to die? Have a stroke? Heart attack? Goddamn motherfucking chili fires.

He twisted his neck to look down. Odd, he was falling fast but there seemed no wind. And … he breathed a tentative sigh of relief … there seemed no bottom for him to hit either. He gulped, rolled completely, dropping like a paratrooper so he could watch what might be coming way faster than he’d be able to do a damn thing about. The lightening got closer, the strikes, explosive.

“Oh man, I am gonna die,” he gasped, trying to move his hands to cover his face. Fuck, was he going to cry? Lord knew he had more than enough reason to just snap; crack into a hundred pieces and spend the remainder of his days in the loonie bin. Boyer was right about everything. Cal had simply awakened one day without his life, his job, his friends or his apartment. Fine, he managed. He thought he’d found a solution, a story to get him back to the top of his game, maybe even get him back to the Washington Post. But hell no. Now he was supposed to believe he was not real … but real … but unreal … but from a movie … but … but … “ARRRGHHH!” He bellowed then suddenly jerked to a stop, right there in mid air.

“Slow down, buddy,” said a man Cal had never seen before. He blinked, forced himself to think as he looked into the tall, blond guy’s face. Neither he nor his savior was on the ground. The mere grip of the stranger’s hand had stopped the charge of doom. How was this possible? They were floating, like an invisible, improbable parachute had actually opened.

“Uh … thanks,” Cal grunted, then coughed to cover his ebbing panic.

“Oh, you’ll repay me. Come.” The man turned and pulled Cal through a wall of spinning color and light. Suddenly they were still, everything was silent and gravity again prevailed … so much so that Cal dropped like a rock onto the dusty floor.

“Where are we?”

“No clue.” The man walked around the quiet space. No doors, no windows. It felt like a basement … or a sealed crypt.

“Who are you?”

A grin spread wide across the handsome man’s face exposing the longest, sharpest fangs Cal had ever seen on a man. This guy’s teeth belonged in “Ripley’s Believe it or Not”. Cal winced, looked away then shot his focus back and recalled. Kevin Boyer said something about a vampire, didn’t he? Fuck, fuck, fuck!

“That was fun, wasn’t it?” The grin widened and it seemed the fangs lengthened too. “I am Eric. Sheriff of Area Five.”

“Where the hell is Area Five?” Cal asked, climbing to his feet and fighting shaky knees.

“From here? I don’t know. And that puts you and me in a very precarious situation, Mr. McCaffrey.”

“How do you know my name?”

“I don’t follow orders well. Biebe told me to stay out of the Portal. I travel as I please, but I do respect his request not to mess with his relatives. Occasionally I pass by quickly or overhear a conversation, even though I’m a universe or Portal away. Good ears.” His brows bobbed playfully.

Cal wasn’t comforted. Eric continued.

“I know you arrived in Biebe’s world … and I know you were about to start trouble. Huh,” the vampire scratched his head. “Maybe I’m here to stop you from hurting that world? It wouldn’t be like me though. How would that serve me? And,” he said as he paced the silent space, his boots not making a sound as puffs of grey dust billowed at his heels. “I certainly didn’t choose to travel the Portal this night. Strange. Very strange.”

Cal chose to cling to the practical statements made during the undead’s soliloquy. “So, what did you mean about us being in a precarious situation, Eric?” Always the reporter, he wanted to start with the spark then move on to the sizzle.

“You, far more than me.” Eric ran an open palm along the blank, dirty walls. “You see, at some point … I will get hungry.”

“Okay,” Cal pushed a hand through his hair then turned to do his own physical examination of the space they seemed to be trapped within. “So, we gotta get our asses outta here. Soon.”

“Yes. Soon. Or we may be here for eternity.”

How much more could he handle? His mind made a crackling sound and he tilted a glare at the vampire. “Don’t think so. I mean you seem like a nice enough guy and all but –”

“I’m not. And trust me, I wouldn’t choose you either. There is a witch named Glenda keeping an eye on my … activities. The point is, should I drink from a human during my travels … well, let’s just say that’s the end of both of our journey and leave it at that. Ah, here,” Eric pressed his palm and it miraculously melted into the seemingly solid wall. “Follow me.”

“What the fuck is in there?”

“Another Portal. Quickly before it closes.”

Something in the man’s voice made Cal take the leap. Anything would be better than being trapped with a hungry bloodsucker. He stepped through. The world felt like it was rocking wild and wet and Cal found himself tossing his cookies over the rail and gazing directly into the wood carved face of a dragon. His stomach heaved, bile mixed with the beer he’d gulped at the Inn Pub, and again he hurled. A large hand patted his shoulder.

“Easy,” said Eric and Cal glared, pinching his lips to keep from puking more.

“Where are we now?”

“This, I know,” the vampire nodded, his expression washed with comfortable nostalgia. “This is a Viking warrior ship. A Dragon.”

“No shit.” Cal pointed to the horned wooden face and gagged again.

“Be comforted. This ship is heading home, victorious after battle. They’re all too busy to notice us. See there,” Eric pointed, his broad grin wide and eyes almost tearful. “Iceland.”

“Home?”

“Yes. Almost.”

“Wait.” Cal McAffrey’s reporter brain rallied against seasickness. “What do you mean warrior ship? Is this a reenactment?”

“No. And that is why we must get moving. We’re in the wrong set of Portals. Come.”

Again he followed, this time taking a precarious trek past terrifying-looking men who could grace any movie set and down into the bowels of the ship. This was doing nothing to improve the state of Cal’s stomach. “How much further before we –”

The lightening returned flashed brilliant and everything went dark.

Real dark.

Really, really dark.

Cal was laying flat on his back and he could feel the closeness of the place he was stuck in. Tight. Close. Really, really dark. “Eric!” he shouted. “Eric? You around? Jesus, don’t tell me –” Something crackled and the near-his-nose ceiling slid away.

Light streamed in and Eric grinned down. “You look good in there, McCaffrey.”

Leaping and climbing, scrambling like a scared kid, he made his way out of the box and scurried several feet away. “Fuck!” A hand trapped his straining heart from bursting right from his chest. “Is that a … casket?”

“Sarcophagus.”

“Please tell me we’re in a museum.”

“Eventually it will be, but not at this moment. We have to shift from the Time Portal to the … here we go. Jump!”

The floor had shifted and simply crumbled beneath them and again Cal was in flight. This trip proved shorter, but not successful.

“What the?” Eric the vampire groaned and Cal chuckled.

“This one, I know. We’re in Philadelphia, my guess, around 1729. That,” he pointed to the rotund man wearing specs at the press, “is Benjamin Franklin and this,” he lifted a freshly printed newspaper, “is the Pennsylvania Gazette. See, Franklin bought this newspaper –”

“No time,” Eric hissed and gripped Cal just as another vortex sucked them up, up, higher than he could imagine. “This is better.”

“How so?” Cal could hardly catch his breath; it was all happening so fast.

“See, contemporary newspaper, The Washington Post.” Their feet were solidly on the sidewalk and they were looking up at the building.

The air and light changed, the energy shifted and suddenly, for the first time in weeks, Cal felt familiar, like he was in the right place at the right time. Inside, the bustle was exhilarating; the sounds of running feet and talking, whispers and groaning, phone conversations and rustling papers made Cal feel the way the splash of salt air and sight of Iceland made Eric feel. “I’m home,” he sighed. “Damn, you brought me home! Hey chief, howya doin’?” Cal shouted as stately Cameron Lynne, rabid editor on a mission, rushed past. “Hey! She ignored me, just like always, unless I’m in some kinda shit.” He began to follow but Eric gripped his shoulder and pulled him back.

“McAffrey, you’re not here.”

“Sure I am, my cubicle is right over there. Come on, I’ll introduce you around.”

“You … are … not … here.” The vampire’s eyes scanned the space, an expression of fearful confusion knotting his brow. His voice lowered. “You’re not here and I’m not here.”

“What the hell do you mean I’m not here?” Cal waved an open palm in front of Eric’s face. “Hello.”

“No, you idiot. You are not here … you’re over there.”

Sure enough, as a few people moved and shifted, Cal could see himself in his full glory, sitting in his swivel chair, leaning back, sipping coffee and having a conversation with Cameron. Looked like he was in fact in some shit, too. But …

“No. Fuck, Eric. You brought me home. It’s like, I dunno, déjà vu.”

“It’s the loop. McAffrey, we’re a split second off and that’s what’s going to save us both. Trust me; you don’t want to be here.”

Cal blinked, actually considered decking the vampire who had to be an apparition. He began to wonder if the pretty bartender had slipped him something in that espresso. Before he could open his mouth to protest, Eric again tugged and pulled him away, dangerously toward a balcony.

“It’s the loop. An endless loop. When I get you back, ask Biebe about it. Now, jump.”

“No!” Cal protested and stood strong. “This is my life and I’m not going anywhere!”

“This,” Eric swept his arm to take in the activity all around, “is a two hour strip of celluloid. There’s nothing before it … and nothing after it! You’re only life is back in Vermont. Now, jump, or I will leave your mortal ass right here. We’ve got a small window of escape. Are you coming or not?”

“I … I …”

“Look around you,” shouted Eric. “You said it … déjà vu! Get the message? This loop catches up with us and we’re toast and I, for one, have no desire to live out the remainder of eternity drinking from the same people over … and over … and over again. Now … JUMP!”

Cal jumped.