RILEY

John was correct, it was touch and go for a little while. I realize that I've spent the majority of my life that way. Surviving something horrible then carefully, consciously trying to forget . . . until it climbs back up to the surface and starts the whole process again. Losing our baby had to have been the worst horrible thing of all, but honestly, my heart was sick of the roller coaster ride. And maybe because it was the worst of all horrible things, I decided to get off the crazy emotional ride. I let them put me on meds and decided, yes decided that the pills would work. After all, who in their right mind would want to live the way I had been? Especially a woman with a man like John, a thriving business and a family like ours?

I answered my own inner timing and decided that I'd wait until I was ready to get back to work. And I looked around me. Took a good hard look. Remembering everything Genevieve had told me about the house began to put things into perspective. That house was alive, it always had been. It spoke to me in my little girl dreams, call to me as an adult until I actually found it, and in an odd way, put John smack in the middle of my existence so that the rest could happen. It was alive with energy and alive with . . . yes ghosts. But after my strange night in the left tower, it had gone extremely quiet, the apparitions probably in need of some serious R&R after that ordeal. Oh, I often saw Brian, watched him follow Terry around or just sit alone in the pub. But for the most part, we had quite suddenly become . . . un-haunted.

So soon after everything, I honestly didn't know how I felt about trying another pregnancy. It was my second lost baby. One to an abortion and this one at the decision of God. Thinking about trying again was not an impossibility, it just wasn't time yet. Time. Damn we have a lot of it, even though they all say it runs out. At least that was what I needed to believe, because it was going to take time. Watching John chat with Kevin and Hando, walk around the Inn or just sit and read the morning sports page over coffee, I could actually feel his desire to take another run at it. I wanted to give him what he wants. But this time, it was just going to have to wait.

So my eyes had opened wide and I'd seen everything around me, perhaps for the first time in my life. And what I saw was the family I thought we'd lost. Surrounding us like a soft cotton cushion between us and all the pain and disappointment. It made my heart swell. I thought this chronicle would be the perfect place to convey the individual relationships and revelations I was gifted with during the few weeks they had stuck around.

Left October 14th, JACK AUBREY

Watching the sad depths in Jack's eyes as I bustled around my apartment kitchen, making coffee and waffles for our family guests, I thought my heart would break. He would be the first to leave, wanting to get back to his life and the business of seeking sunken treasure. That always made me smile. In our life and time, things like that are either technological challenges or the fantasies of children playing pirates in the back yard. But Jack had not only the insight as to where to look, he had first hand knowledge. He'd already retrieved the prizes of three ships either he or some other long gone captain had unfortunately watched sink into the deep, and one would think he'd be happy about that. But there was a melancholy about him that permeated the room.

We were alone, John downstairs helping Sigrine with new check-ins and the others not due for breakfast for another half hour. I set aside my ingredients and whisk and ran hands down my apron. Watching him across the room my mind started to twist. Yes, there was sadness in his very posture, and yes it was deeper than his sympathy for my own loss.

"Jack?"

He blinked and glanced up at me, beaming a sweet smile that made his eyes twinkle then reached out a hand. I went to him and sat, permitting him to pull me tight into one of his completely enveloping cuddles.

"And how are you this morning, my Little Dear?"

"I'm wonderful, but a little worried."

"About?" His huge hand soothed my back but his eyes were off in the distance.

"You, Jack. What's on your mind, Captain?"

He gave a groaning sigh then a cheerless chuckle. "My mind? I'm just concerned for you, Riley."

"No, you're not. And you shouldn't be. I'm fine. Things are tough, but life goes on. It's something else." I pulled away and playfully brushed a wisp of yellow hair from his face. "How about the truth?"

"Ah, the truth." He blinked thoughtfully. "The truth is that I very much am concerned for your recovery, physical and emotional. But as you have so astutely observed, there are other things tormenting my thoughts as well. Things I care little to burden you with, Sweet."

"Too late. Spit it out," I grinned, hoping for another smile.

He shuffled on the sofa and finally turned to look me square at the face. "Riley, what do you see as the reasons for my being here, in this time and world? Yes, yes, there are the obvious benefits. God's teeth, you would have never survived your recent ordeal in my time. And things are remarkably easier now . . . but simpler? I think not. I confess, my Little Dear, I crave the simplicity of my own time. Crave it most painfully."

"So," I held back the shaking in my heart. "Are you thinking of leaving us?"

"Well, in truth, I have always thought of leaving. But the undeniable evidence of our other relatives having done so safely has sparked my desire to attempt it." He shifted again and watched me carefully. "Riley, I would have had a long life after that film. And if not, at least . . . one more battle." His eyes glittered.

I sighed, ran my fingers down his chest, over the buttons of his linen shirt. He was telling the truth. I've never known a man to search so hard for real linen shirts and an adventure around every corner. He had starved for the familiar. And I wondered; had this world failed Jack? "Can you tell me something?"

"I will try."

"What would it take to keep you here?"

He shrugged and blinked. "Perhaps the love of a good woman. Children. A tall ship and the world to sail her upon. It is unclear to me, Riley. But something is strangely a kilter in my days and my nights."

"Is battle really necessary?" His mouth opened but I quickly continued, to avert the obvious answer to that. "Because . . . the love of a good woman could most certainly present a ton of battle scenarios to fulfill that need." I grinned.

He laughed loud and hardy then settled his hand on my head. "My Little Dear, I have had a wife, I do understand. And yes, those are most enjoyable battles, especially when the storm has passed, are they not?"

"Why can't you build a tall ship, Jack? One exactly the way you remember it? Granted you wouldn't have battles, but trust me, hundreds of cultures have had to lay down their weapons and find a different way to live. In your time as well as mine."

He was silent, his eyes far away for a long few moments and I listened to my heart thud.

"Jack," I whispered. "I don't want you to leave."

He nodded and looked down at his hand, playing tenderly with mine on his thigh. "I assure you my dear, this decision is not immediate. It is the seed of a thought but should I choose to leave, I will inform you . . . and you alone."

"No, that's not right. Do you know how many people love you Jack? A whole family, your crew, your business associates. They would all need to know that you plan to disappear. Please, Jack," I begged. "Give them all a chance to know, to offer possible solutions and please, oh please consider all the options before you make this decision."

Sudden smooth movement caught my eye behind Jack. I focused into the area and watched Brian, translucent in the morning light drifting through the windows, grinning and rolling a scrimshaw tusk shard in his palm. "Tell him what you know, Riles. Worth a shot, don't you think?"

What I know? What I know? What the hell did I know? Then, suddenly I did know! My face bloomed into a huge smile that made Jack blink.

"What is it, my Little Dear?"

I think poor Jack was concerned for my sanity. "Jack! Jack, this is going to work out. I'll tell you this much, and please don't ask me how I know, okay?"

"All right," he sat straighter, pushed his loose, escaped locks back.

"There is someone for you and she is waiting! She's not that far away. The good woman you need who will give you children and everything you want."

He chuckled. "And the battles as well, I assume."

"Most definitely."

He sighed deeply. "I will give her some time to show herself, but not much. No more than a few months. It is the most I can promise, Riley."

My eyes shot to the ghost. He was grinning and nodding his head.

"It's all I ask."

The others filtered in for breakfast and I cooked, feeling a glow of hopefulness, making a strong mental commitment to keep closely in touch with our good Captain.

Left October 16th, DINO O'LEARY

"Gotta hit the road, folks."

John and I were in the formal Inn dining room, talking over the remnants of our lunch with LizBeth, Jeff, Lachlan and Sigrine when Dino strolled up with his carryon slung over his shoulder.

"Thanks for everything, man," John stood to shake his hand but I just blinked, realizing for the second time that they were all, in fact, going to go back to their own lives.

"I'll walk you to the car," I stood as he waved to the others and turned to leave.

Settling behind the wheel, Dino looked up at me. "You are an enigma, Riles."

"Me?" I snorted. "Not quite. I think I'm pretty simple, personally."

"Yeah," his hand squeezed mine. "Simply remarkable. Fuck but John's a lucky guy."

"He is. So am I." I settled my hands on his opened window and his blue eyes scanned mine.

"You're gonna be okay, baby. Everything's gonna be great. You'll see."

"That part, believe it or not, I know. I just . . . I wanted to thank you . . . for so many things. The Temple money, getting everyone together to be here for John . . . you being here. Thank you Dino."

He shrugged. "Didn't do anything you wouldn't have done. Right?"

We just looked at each other until he grunted and started the engine. "Time to move on. I've got work back home and you've got an Inn to run. I'll give you a call; we'll have a drink next time I'm out this way. What do ya say?"

I ducked my head into the car to kiss him on the cheek, but Dino turned and planted a full, luscious kiss on my mouth. He closed his eyes and licked his lips wickedly then chuckled. "A fucking enigma." He turned to the wind shied then took a quick glance back and put the car in gear. "Catch ya on the flip side, Riles." And he was gone.

Left October 18th, TERRY THORNE

There he was, adjusting his armor along with his tweed jacket; looking in the lobby mirror and running a hand through his hair, down his face. I glanced around. There were six women in the sitting room, and not one of them could take their eyes from him. Even Sigrine who'd taken a serious fancy to Lachlan was sitting at the front desk, her mouth agape. It's a real shame Terry has no clue the effect he has on women. Well, maybe not. If his ego grew beyond his sweetness, would I care so much about him? Probably not.

He turned to me. "So, we goin' or not, love?"

We'd made plans to have dinner at Old Maulder's. Afterwards, he'd be driving to New York for a meeting the next morning, then flying home to Dallas. His luggage was already tucked into the trunk and waiting. Watching his smile as he led me to the car, I knew I was starting to hate the parade of farewells I was facing. But most especially, that farewell.

He seemed cheery enough so I played along, joking as we drove into Stowe and teasing him about how well he didn't fit into the Vermont culture.

"What do ya mean?" He growled lightheartedly, parking his rental neatly into the gravelly lot. "I can do flannies and sweats with the best of 'em."

"It's not what your wear, Terry. It's what you are."

He turned a thoughtful look my way. "And what might that be?"

"Perfect."

He grunted and opened the door. "Let's eat. I'm fuckin' starving."

We settled into a booth and he perused the menu, focusing like it was the dossier of some cargo he was about to extract.

"I'm serious," I sipped water. "We Vermonters are beautifully flawed. Blissfully in the dark and thrilled with it."

"You aren't flawed, darlin'. How are the burgers here?"

"Spectacular." I wasn't letting up. "Just like my dear friend, Terry Thorne. Perfectly seasoned, tender, cooked to perfection."

"That's enough," he didn't look up. "What're you getting at, Riley?"

"Trying to tell you how much I love you," I whispered, hiding behind my own menu, wondering if it was an appropriate thing to say, being a married woman and all.

"Then why didn't ya just say that?"

I peeked over the top of the folder. "I love you, Terry."

"Good," he shuffled in his seat. "How 'bout this chicken? It any good?"

"Yes," I groaned and he chuckled, setting his big hand over mine.

"Love ya too, Riles. You're my mate. One of my best mates. We gonna do this all evening?"

I blinked.

"'Cause I'll play along, but I thought it might be nicer to just," he blinked. "I don't know, nicer to just be ourselves. Tired of the challenges, Gamer. Can we just be the mates we are?"

Oops, the armor was down. But he wasn't scrambling to put it back so I nodded. "Sure."

We ordered then sipped beer, comfortable together, having set, or in that case released the boundaries of our relationship.

"Terry, tell me about Brian."

"Brian? Just a mate I knew in the S.A.S. He died during a training jump." Terry shrugged and lounged in the cushioned booth. "He's not a ghost, Riles."

"Yeah, right."

"Ya know, I gotta theory about this kinda thing. Wanna hear it?"

"Most definitely." This should be interesting.

"See, I think we have lots of weapons inside us, love. Things that help us survive. Did ya know I was once taken hostage?"

My stomach clenched. "No."

He nodded. "Yeah. I guess the best way to describe it is that it was kinda like you, being trapped in bed. All your freedom is taken away. And what do we do when that happens?" He tapped his temple with a fingertip. "It's what our mind does that helps us or kills us. There's a reason I'm imagining Brian . . . and there's a reason you are."

"And what might that be?" Another sip of beer. This was interesting.

"Maybe it's our friendship, Riles. That bond. Something inexplicable that has conjured up a common concept. But I will tell ya this . . . somethin' odd." He chewed his lower lip and his eyes drifted off into nothingness. "It was that bond that I think made the idea of Brian help me to save your life, love. It could have been crucial moments before John would've found ya. You know, it fuckin' scares the bloody hell outa me to think about it, but you could have bled to death, Riley. Somethin', instinct, our connection," he shrugged again. "Maybe the invented idea of Brian . . . made me act."

Wow. I spun the beer bottle on the tabletop and just watched him.

"Dunno, the mind's not somethin' easy to figure out. I mean we all do this sorta thing. Whether held hostage or facin' the barrel of a rifle aimed at your chest, whether driving a car or . . . dealing with abuse . . . we all have our salvations. Max has his, John has his bear." Terry shrugged. "Cort had God. We all do it love. I apparently have Brian and you . . . you've got a pretty strong spirituality."

We sat silently. Our meals arrived but neither of up picked up a fork. He touched my hand and tightened over it.

"You're not flawed, darlin'. None of us are, really. Maybe we're all," his smile was brilliant. "Perfect."

Left October 22tnd, LACHLAN CURRY

Well this one was tough. He seemed fine, but when someone is close enough to you to read your thoughts and know your fears, you can always tell when something is askew. Lach was planning to head home the next day, but I wasn't letting him get away so easily. We had things to work out, things to talk about and well, the truth of the matter was, I was a little jealous.

Not that way. But Sigrine had pretty much monopolized all of his time. Oh, it wasn't that I didn't expect to ever see him again, she'd already informed me of the number of reservations he'd already made over the next few months . . . to come and see her. It was just that with my new outlook on everything, I felt compelled to smooth out any and all ruffled feathers, if you know what I mean.

"Let's go for a walk," I said, grasping his arm and grateful that Sigrine was nowhere in sight. Lach was helping John with the liquor order and they were doing more laughing than ordering.

John shrugged. "Go on, I think I can handle booze inventory myself," he teased. He tossed me his nearby plaid wool jacket without looking up from the paperwork. "S'cold out there, Riles."

Could I love a man more? I pulled on the coat, swimming inside its largeness and led Lach outside. We strolled the grounds, Lachlan commenting that the pretty leaves were all gone, seemingly disappearing overnight.

"Yeah," I said, leading us to the pond. "That's how it goes up here. The seasons, they change in the blink of an eye. Kind of like friendships."

He was silent, his hands deep in his pockets and eyes on the path.

I sighed. "You never call, you never write." I tried at levity.

"Aw, fuck." Lachlan thumped down onto the bench and finally looked up into my eyes. "Riley, darlin', I'm still bloody mad at ya."

"Mad at me? What the hell did I do?"

"I never call? I never write? When the hell was the last time ya dropped me a line in the fuckin' post? Oh yeah, righto. I remember," he slid a belligerent slouch on the bench, his brows curled. "Long time ago. Before ya went and got married without even tellin' me. That's when."

I blinked. "That's what this is about? Jesus, Lach. I wanted to tell you, I really did, but I knew what would have happened."

"I'd have talked ya out of it."

I sat beside him, rested my hand on his shoulder. "No, you couldn't have. But you would have tried awful hard, and I was afraid it would kill what we have."

He turned, looked at me with real curiosity. "And what do we have, love? I mean we've been mates for so long, I've been patient, waited for you to ask for me and what did I get? One bloody visit."

"Was sex with me all you wanted?"

"Bugger that, you know that isn't it. I wanted time with you. We're supposed to be bloody friends! You should've told me. Then the baby. Jesus, Riles. You know I'd have been here for ya. All ya had to do was call."

I turned to look at the lake, the surface almost covered with fallen orange and gold leaves. I was blinking back tears. "Jesus, Lachlan. I really hurt you. I thought I was doing the right thing. But I wasn't."

He shifted closer, pressing his shoulder against mine and sighed. "Maybe nothin' was gonna be the right thing. I don't know. And it's not like I haven't forgiven ya."

"Well thanks," I growled and he chuckled.

"Darlin' we just never got our chance, that's all. It's not like we ever had a chance, or ever will. I don't mess with married women, ya know."

"I know," I held his hand then tucked it into my jacket pocket, Lach was shivering.

"It's just that . . . I don't know. I kinda miss ya."

"Are we going to be okay, Lach?"

"Fuck all, I hope so," he chuckled and took me into an awkward, sideways embrace.

"And now," I teased and poked my elbow into his side. "A new love, huh?"

Lachlan's face beamed. "She's bonzer, isn't she? So bloody pretty and sweet. I swear, Riles, I can't get enough of her. I don't even wanna leave, but I gotta go, lots cookin' back a TOL. Hoping I can get back here often enough not to lose her."

Man, but I was happy for him. Sigrine was all those things he said, but she was a Vermont belle. The kind who first sees the glamour of her dashing young pilot before she'll face the difficulties of it all. But one thing I know about Lachlan, he is one tenacious man and I could tell he had full intentions of making every effort to see that his new relationship had a good shot at working. And like he'd always done for me and John, I would make sure I played my part in helping out.

"I'm freezin' my tits off, Riles. Can we go back inside?"

Left October 27th, HANDO AND MERE, COLIN AND NATALIE

I was sitting on the nursery room floor, various upcoming holiday party bookings spread out in front of me and trying to put some rhyme and reason to the stacks. The crib lay in pieces, leaning against the wall and most of the smaller items had been stored away in the closet.

"Riles?"

"In here," I called.

Colin walked in and blinked, watching my face, searching for an emotion he wasn't finding. "You okay, darlin'?"

I shrugged and patted the floor beside me. "The light's good in here. And it kind of feels nice too. Nuts, huh?"

He sat, stretched his legs long and fingered the papers. "Dunno, love. Will ya change this room?"

"No, I'll have another baby." Oh my God! I said that! I turned to Colin, expecting him to be wearing a goofy grin, but he just nodded, shifting papers into neater piles. I watched his face, a face that could always reduce me to a puddle and I realized that it actually wasn't his face at all that did it. It was Colin's heart. So big it couldn't be hidden; it showed in the glow of his eyes, always so thoughtful and sincere. In the words he chose so carefully. In his numerous insecurities. In his playfulness.

I leaned back on outstretched arms and waited for him to look at me. When he finally did, I couldn't help but chuckle. "Jesus, Colin, did you know I had the worst crush on you?"

"Did ya?" He smiled. "Me too. I thought it was more for a while there. Level two pull," he laughed softly. "Silly."

"Not so silly. You know, Col. Crushes are designed for intensity, not longevity." I leaned closer and whispered. "And if I had to have a full blown, knock down, raging crush on anyone . . . I'm glad it was you."

He leaned in and kissed my forehead, then smiled that smile that made his eyes soft and sweet. "Me too, love. Oh! Almost forgot. The ladies are waitin' for ya downstairs. They sent me up to get ya."

***

The ladies! The sweetest, most supportive and special people in my life, and almost every one of them were there. Monica and Sigrine, Nat and Mere, Me and LizBeth, but I was a little sad too, I missed Darcy's insane humor and sharp wit. We left the Inn and drove around Stowe like lost tourists for and hour. Not an easy thing to do, as the town is only six blocks long. We just kept getting distracted. After long giggling negotiations, we were finally all cramped around a table at Starbuck's and joking about anything and everything, from our men to our own silly habits.

"Sock balls, ew I hate sock balls!" I squealed.

Sigrine almost choked on her Ice Mocha. "Sock balls! John Biebe leaves sock balls around?"

"Yeah, but when he was hurt, at least there were only half as many for me to pick up." I pinched my fingers together and the other hand pinched my nose to indicate exactly how much I hate sock balls.

"My problem is uniform stains. Tell me, why is it that Andy works in the same kitchen I do, but ruins five times as many chef jackets? Lord knows, he's not a slob in the apartment. Absolutely anal about neatness at home!"

"I know," I giggled. "The hot line looks like a tornado had just struck before he even fills the first dinner ticket."

Nat chimed in. "At least you don't face what Mere and I do. Black, gritting motor oil. I throw away more tee shirts than I wash!"

"Well," LizBeth stood. "Who needs a refill?"

"Oh, no you don't, we want to hear Kevin's flaws. Sit!" I grabbed her hand.

She sat and smiled her gorgeous smile, her finger tracing circles on the table. "We're newlyweds. Everything Kevin does is romantic and sweet and charming." Her brows rose. "Honest."

We all laughed except for Sigrine. She was looking dreamily out into space. "Oh, I wish I was a newlywed. How long do you think it will take for Lachlan to ask me?"

Nat giggled. "Ask her," she pointed to me. "She knows him better than anyone."

Oh dear, the glare I got. But that passed quickly. "LizBeth, you and I are the only married women at the table. These four don't have a clue how tough it can get."

LizBeth gave a sweet batting of her eyes. "I have no idea what you're talking about, Riley. Not one single idea."

"I'm getting married," Mare said softly and we all gawked at her.

"Hando! Marrying? Oh my God!" My hand reached for hers and I squeezed, fighting absolute tears of joy.

"How come I didn't know this? We live right next door to you," Nat gasped with a big smile.

Mere shrugged. "We just decided last night."

"Well, congratulations," Nat said. "Me and Colin, we'll never get married."

"No?" Lizbeth asked.

Monica sat back in her chair. "Why not?"

"We're not the marrying kind," she shrugged. "Besides, it's kind of fun, knowing I'm living in sin with such a gorgeous man."

"And," I added with a chuckle. "The sheer thought of marriage gives him the runs."

LizBeth smiled. "Living in sin has its benefits. Especially with a gorgeous man."

"Lachlan, now he's gorgeous!" Sighed Sigrine and we all rolled our eyes.

***

Late that night I walked downstairs and out onto the porch. I have no idea why, maybe all the caffeine, maybe I just wasn't tired. For some reason I felt a need to experience the sharp cold autumn air and just plain smile. My thick robe tight around me, I leaned on the railing and drew in a deep breath. I smelled smoke. Cigarette smoke. Marlboro's. "Hando?"

"Yeah, love."

I turned; he was trundled in a blanket on a chair. I dragged another chair closer and sat. "What are you doing out here? Didn't we give you a smoking room?"

He nodded. "Didn't wanna wake Mere."

"Oh," I leaned back and watched the stars, now visible from the porch as the leaves had vacated for the season. "Can I have one?"

"A fag? No."

I turned. Watched the chiseled form of his face in the soft glow from the lamp post. "Is everything okay?"

"Stuff's changin' Baby Sister."

"What stuff?" I didn't want to tell him I knew he was getting married.

He was silent. Finished one cigarette and lit another. "Just . . . stuff."

I could feel his apprehension, but one just doesn't push Hando. So I waited. And waited. And waited until I was too cold to wait anymore.

"H, it's too fucking cold to just sit here and guess. So, if you're not going to give me a cigarette and if you're not going to tell me what's changing, I'm going to -- "

"I'm scared, Riley."

I turned to his blazing ice blue eyes. Waited.

"Mere's pregnant."

I was speechless. All evening she hadn't said one word about that! None of us were drinking alcohol and I wondered why she had been so adamant about having our ladies' party at a coffee shop. Now I knew. "Wow," I whispered with a smile but Hando wasn't smiling. "Why are you scared?"

A grunt rose from his chest. "Ain't as strong as Biebe, not as strong as you."

"Hando, why would you even think you'd need to be . . . and by the way, you are by far, the strongest man I've ever known, but that's a conversation for another time and a warmer climate. You do realize that more people have perfectly happy, healthy pregnancies than not, don't you?"

He shrugged and lit another fag, passing it over to me for a drag I didn't enjoy. "Ew!"

He chuckled. "There's more. We're doin' somethin' new about the shop, me and Col. Can't give ya the details, but it'll fuckin' change everything if it all works out."

"I see. Lots of changes. But that baby thing, you have nothing to be afraid of there."

"How can ya say that, after . . ."

"I'll say one more thing too. I'm going to try again. As soon as I can. What do you think of that, skinhead?"

"I think you're bloody mental. But," he went dead silent.

"But what?"

"Promise you'll wait 'til you're sure it's safe. Baby Sister, I don't wanna go through this again."

"You?" I teased and stood to go inside. Hando caught my hand and I looked down into his concerned face.

"Promise."

"I promise."

Left November 4th, JEFF WIGAND

"You have a full dry storage inventory. Dairy is coming tomorrow, and remember it's the new purveyor, Folstein's. We've been using them for six weeks and have seen nothing but wonderful service and product, but you are paying a few cents more on a few items.

"You've got three new wait staff personnel; I think you'll be very happy with them, especially Marcos. The young man has a knack for charming the ladies and up-selling everything on the menu.

"The new gardener starts this week. He's prepared to handle everything, manage the grounds now, prepare for the spring and get you through the winter, do the plowing and pruning and planting. Everything. But I need to warn you, this guy is almost seventy years old. Trust me, this wasn't a sympathy hire, he's a strong man, healthy and very knowledgeable.

"John and Mickey have a great handle on the pub, and that just may end up being your most profitable venue. We've had no major maintenance issues throughout the facility, just an occasional faucet drip or squeaky door, nothing serious. But, I am sorry to say that the housekeeping staff is a shambles. It's starting to look like a revolving door and should be your first point of business. Other than that, the books look good; we've settled the dining room reservation system and the new computers are in and working. Everyone's trained on them, and little Ms. Sigine is a wizard with technology.

"So," finally he closed his notebook and slid it across the table to me. "Looks like we did what we set out to do, sweetie." His blue eyes twinkled.

It was mid afternoon and we were sitting in my apartment kitchen. I fingered the notebook and had no idea what to say, how I could possibly ever thank him enough for everything he'd done for us. I stood and simply sat on his lap, cradled deep in his embrace and listed to him sigh. We sat that way for a long time, just feeling each other's unspoken words and each other's heartbeats.

"I love you, sweetie. No thanks needed, it was my pleasure." He said softly, planting a kiss on top of my head.

"When will you be back?"

"The lecture tour is set through mid-December. I thought I might come around for the holidays, unless you're fully booked, which I highly suspect."

"Jeff," I said, cuddling closer and enjoying the sensation of his remarkable, caring nature. "There will always be a room here for you. Always."

NOVEMBER 5th

John slipped quietly into bed. It was a Wednesday night and he was off on Thursday. I didn't plan to resume my responsibilities until Friday. An entire three weeks had passed since I lost Nathan. The hurt still felt like it did the moment I knew it had happened, but the healing had taken hold so strong that for the first time in my life, I knew I was a part of life. And I knew I could create life again.

I rolled over into John's opened arms.

"Hey, baby," he whispered. "I thought you might be asleep."

"No," I pushed back his silky hair and kissed his lips. "I was waiting for you. I wanted to ask you something."

His arm instantly went to the lamp and switched it on. His eyes toured my face. "You okay?" It was a concerned choke and I smiled.

"I am wonderful, John." My hand slid down to his cock and I felt the softness instantly begin to harden.

"Baby, not yet. We see the doctor tomorrow. Let's wait, all right?"

I grinned and lowered my lips to his nipple, then lower to his navel. Pushing down the sheet, I sought the prize. "John, I can do this without doctor approval. As long as I get your approval."

His eyes were lit, glowing blue and loving. "You got my approval, Riley." He groaned as I took him deep into my mouth. "Always got my approval."

I moved between his legs and tugged him lower on the bed. "Oh," I said, watching his eyes carefully. "I wanted to ask you something else too."

His huge hand smoothed my hair; a thumb ran across my bottom lip. "What?"

"Can we try again, John? When the doctor says it okay?"

"Oh Jesus," his hands pulled me up into an amazing kiss that took my breath away. "Yes," he kissed. "Yes." Another kiss. "Oh fucking yes."

"John?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I get back to what I was doing?"