JOHN

I walked Zack out to his car. Two-thirty in the fucking morning and he wanted to get back to New York, make sure he’d get to his flight on time. Nothing to worry about with him driving. We had maybe one beer each, wasn’t like we had anything to celebrate, ay? The idea of Dino either facing death or already dead halfway across the fucking planet made me sick to my stomach. Terry had to be losing it, already in China and waiting for Zack, worried and determined to do anything he could. Shit. It fucking sucked.

“Don’t worry, man. I’ll let the family know what’s going on. You take care of Terry. You make sure you get Dino back. You get back here safe too, ya hear.”

He gave a smug grin then revved the engine. “Later.”

Yeah, later. And it could be a long time before we hear anything. Or it could be soon. It was freezing out there in the lot and I turned back to the Inn after he’d left the front gate.

“What the fuck? Everything okay?” Claudia and Antony nearly knocked me on my ass running out the door.

“No,” Claudia said as she hurried to their car. “Lesley just passed away. I’ve go to get over there.”

“Fuck!” Did we need more on our shoulders? “Okay, okay. Lemme get upstairs and have Riles start calling everyone. I’ll be there soon as I can. How’s Pullo holding up?”

Antony shrugged. “I have my concerns, John.” And he too drove away.

I woke Riles and she was immediately on the phone. Made her a pot of coffee and kissed her cheek, mouthed that I was going to see if I could help. She covered the receiver and whispered. “Bring them here. Jesus, that poor little girl.”

Fuck, I’d completely forgotten about her. What was her name? Valerie. Yeah, Valerie. This is gonna be even harder than I thought. When I got to the house all the lights were on and the coroner’s van was pulling away. Inside, Pullo was stressed, shuffling through papers at a desk while Antony stood, the watchful worry obvious on his face.

“What are you seeking, brother?”

“It’s all here,” Pullo ignored his own tears. “Lesley said all the important papers are here. I just … I’m not sure what I’m looking for.” A drawer dropped to the floor with a thud, everything falling out. Claudia knelt to help gather the mess and I did the same.

“Where’s Valerie?” I asked quietly.

Claudia sighed. “Upstairs. She’s locked her door. I’m going to make some chamomile tea for her; if that doesn’t work, Dr. Maturin gave me a light sedative to help her sleep.” She returned her attention to the rolling pens and pile of ledgers and files.

“Riles wants me to bring them home with us, Claudia.”

“Good idea.”

I headed upstairs. What was obviously Lesley and Pullo’s room was at the end of the hall. The bed sheets were tossed and tumbled from them taking her from it. Damn, I had to blink back a tear, remembering that smiling woman the day she married Pullo just a few weeks ago. To the right, the bathroom. To the left, a closed door, light seeping under it. I tapped softly. “Valerie?”

“Go away.”

“Hey sweetie, you remember me? John? From the Inn?”

Silence and I turned the doorknob, pushed a little. No go; locked. Then she finally spoke.

“I remember you. You had a baby with you.”

“Yeah, honey. That’s my son, little Terry. Hey, why don’t you unlock the door, Valerie? Just so we can talk a little bit.”

Silence.

“Sweetie, I know you’re sad. We’re all sad. Let me in, okay.”

More silence, but I wasn’t moving an inch. Finally, after like ten minutes, I heard the latch unlock and the door opened. Fuck, she was so small, standing there in her pink pajamas, her face all red and wet. She sniffled and looked up at me with those big brown eyes.

“John,” she whispered. “My mommy left.”

“I know honey,” I knelt on a knee and just held the poor thing. “I know.”

ANTONY

I clearly recalled a conversation between Vorenus and myself so long ago. Another time, another life ago and it surely breaks my heart to see Pullo again face such misery. The loss of yet another woman he loved. Then, Pullo was inconsolable, but this night he seemed to be straining to move through everything. He often asked if young Valerie was alright, often stopped his frustrated search for information in the desk to talk. Sometimes he spoke of simple things, of the winter weather and concerns over the possibility of another storm. Sometimes his words were thick with grief as he told of Lesley’s final conversation with him.

“Valerie is my concern, brother. My only concern. I have no time for foolishness. She will need me.”

“You are strong, Legionnaire Pullo.”

“But,” interrupted Claudia as she handed him a glass of brandy. “You need to take care of yourself, too. Pullo, you need to grieve. Seeing you mourn her mother is only going to help Valerie do the same. Help you both heal together. Don’t be worried about feeling the pain of it all.”

“Later,” Pullo grunted, as always the soldier. “Have we gathered all the important information?” Claudia nodded and he ran an arm across his tears. “I will go and pack for the child and myself. Staying at the Inn for a while can only help her.”

I watched him climb the stairs and groaned. Claudia slid her arms around me and laid her head on my chest. “We need to watch him, Antony. If he doesn’t face this loss, it can go very badly for them both.”

“We will watch over him. Riley has arranged for them to be guests in her apartment. They will not be alone.” But my fears ran deeper than what was ‘emotionally sound’ for my comrade. Concerns of an emotional nature are a thing of this time, but Pullo and I are from another time. Pullo in his grief might easily become the brutal man he once was, and I will be vigilant to protect him. Thankfully, Maximus will be arriving on the morrow to assist.

JEFF

As I grow older, I’m beginning to face the inevitability of my mortality. It’s a natural part of life to die; a fact that’s driven home whenever I hear of one of my colleagues’ passing. But what has happened to Pullo and his small family is especially tragic.

Kelly’s taking it rather hard. She didn’t really know Valerie very well, but I can tell that she’s facing many questions about her own longevity. Last night I awoke to the sound of her crying and when I went to investigate, found her sitting on the living room couch in the dark.

I sat down beside her and she snuggled in closer for comfort. “That poor little girl lost her mama.”

“Honey, Pullo will take good care of her. They’ll help each other and we’ll all help them.”

“But Lesley was so young. It just so unfair. She finally found someone to love her and Valerie and they should have been able to live a long happy life together.”

I wished I had the words to stop her tears, but realized she needed to cry.

She reached for the box of tissue on the coffee table and blew her nose. “I ordered a big bouquet of sunflowers for the funeral. I thought she might have preferred them over roses.”

“Sunflowers are a nice choice.”

“I also bought a teddy bear for Valerie. She might be too old for stuffed animals, but I picked one that looked nice and squishy, and maybe it’ll feel good for her to hold onto.”

“That was a sweet thing to do. I think Valerie’s going to get a lot of attention from a lot of folks now. She really only had her mother before and now she has this whole big family of strangers …”

“Pullo’s going to need help, you know.” Kelly had taken a liking to the big man from their very first encounter.

“We’ll all help where we can and Pullo will have Valerie to keep him on track.” I kissed the top of her head and patted Shalimar, who had inched in between us to lie across both of our laps. The funeral was tomorrow and I knew the real tears were yet to come.

KIM

Monna and Andy informed me of Lesley’s death, and although I wasn’t well acquainted with Pullo and had only met his wife on one occasion, I felt a sadness that went beyond having to witness everyone’s grief. I’m not good at these kinds of things. The last funeral I went to was my mum’s when I was 22 and I’ve avoided them ever since. I didn’t even bother going to my old man’s send off; didn’t even send flowers.

But here in Vermont, I’m struggling to come to terms with the concept of family once again. Members of our group have gotten married, started families and while I find that I kind of like the sense of belonging somewhere again, I’m realizing that it can all disappear too quickly. Ever since I was a teenager I’ve been told how arrogant and unfeeling I can be and to be honest, maybe it’s all just what I use as protective armor. Keep people at arm’s distance and you can’t get hurt. But I’m beginning to realize that I’ve been cheating myself in the long run.

Emily asked about sending a memorial bouquet and I told her to call the florists and order whatever she thought was appropriate, explaining that I’m at a loss when it comes to this kind of thing. She smiled softly and when I saw the degree of sorrow and mourning in her eyes, I knew that I had to contact Pullo and express my condolences in person. I had no idea what I would say, but if my assistant could feel such empathy for a woman she didn’t know, then I needed to step up and offer some sort of assistance to a man who was a member of my extended family.

I found out from Riley that he was here at the Inn with his daughter and when I finally caught up with him, I almost lost my nerve. The look of grief went beyond the sadness in his eyes, weighing him down as if carrying a great physical burden. Keeping the memory of Emily’s own sorrow as my compass, I went up to Pullo and offered him my hand.

“Pullo, I want to express my heartfelt condolences.”

I was surprised when he took my hand in answer, and even more surprised when he addressed me by name.

“Thank you, Kim. It lightens my heart to know that so many truly care.”

“Listen, mate, if there’s anything I can do for you, I mean anything, all you have to do is ask. I mean it.”

His eyes met mine and he gave a tired sigh. “I could use your services, if you really wouldn’t mind.”

“Again, mate, anything.”

“I need to go to the mortuary to take care of some last minute arrangements. It seems in the confusion that no one packed a pair of shoes for Lesley to wear. It may seem silly, but I don’t like the idea of her going into the afterlife without something to protect her feet.”

“No, it doesn’t strike me as silly. When my mum passed away several years ago she wore her favorite pair of pink fuzzy slippers, because I wanted her to be comfortable and to keep her feet warm.”

A funny thing happened as I spoke of my mother; I became aware of an old, familiar ache in my heart that I hadn’t allowed myself to feel since right after her passing.

“You’re sure that it’s not too much trouble?”

At that point, I would have walked barefoot over hot coals for the man. “No, it’s absolutely no trouble at all.” I was honored to help him in any way I could.

BEN

I got the news like everyone else and the place was getting crowded with family. I remember Titus Pullo from my first day here when him and that other Roman watched over me. Had to grin at how little Riley took over and made us all go to a silly party. Gotta admit, life here is nothin’ like I expected it to be that day.

I sat in the far corner of John’s parlor and watched everyone. We were waiting for a man named Maximus, coming in from California. I saw that man’s moving picture too. Don’t think I wanna mess with him none. Men and women huddled in groups and it was interesting to watch. Most were just deep in the sadness, some were doing things to make the others comfortable. Make Pullo comfortable; though I don’t much think anything was gonna help him. I heard about families like this. Families that come together in good times and bad times just to support each other. Caring families. Too bad I just don’t fit; it might be kinda nice to feel like part of it all.

This weekend was not one when I think I’d have gone out looking for a woman. But one came to me. Tracy arrived and it was nice, knowing she came just to see me. She’s a wild filly, that one, but when I told her about the situation, about how I had some things to do, she was real understanding. Said she’d be fine alone and all, but I’m not sure she will be alone. A woman that full of spice and heat was gonna look for another man to let it all out on. No problems with that, I got no hold on her and she got no hold on me. But sitting there, I was kinda hoping she’d be waiting for me later like she said she would.

I spotted that little girl over in the kitchen. Just watched her. Damn, poor thing. I know how she feels. I was about her age when my mama left me at a train station and never came back. At least she had Pullo. The man was watching her like a hawk, real concern in his eyes. She suddenly looked over at me.

Maybe I was surprised when she came over, maybe I wasn’t. But when she crawled onto my lap and curled there against my chest I was pretty taken back. I lay my face on her soft hair and sighed. Poor little thing. The burial is tomorrow. At least Valerie was gonna get a chance to say goodbye to her mama.

MAXIMUS

When I am called to Vermont for such things, I feel my soul shift, my mind move into the places of the gods and pray for guidance. There was much on my mind, my dear Sophia, home in Sonoma and ill, unable to travel with me. Pullo’s loss did nothing to comfort me that she would recover fine during my absence.

I did not spend much time with the family, was uneasy among the crowds, deep in thought regarding how to truly help Pullo and his little girl. Soon after my arrival, I excused myself from those gathered in John’s apartment and asked Pullo and young Valerie to accompany me. I took them to the left tower, a room so steeped in miracles and the magic of the gods that I felt pulled there. As with the last time, I sat in the center of the carpet. I bade the man and child to close their eyes and be one with the pain they shared … and I too closed my eyes.

Much happened but again, I was witness to none of it. When I sat there with Riley after her sad miscarriage, it was the same. I heard her speak, hold conversations, but did not know or see or hear those she spoke with. Pullo’s sadness was spouted in sobs and garbles of ancient Latin. Valerie sighed and giggled, cried and sniffled and when I felt the power of that room dissipate, opened my eyes, I witnessed all I was meant to know of the event.

Valerie was huddled in Pullo’s arms, a sad smile on her lips that reflected the one across her father’s face. I had done as I was summoned to do, had once again acted as vessel. I am humbled … and I am tired.

I went to my room and called home, in need of hearing the sound of Sophia’s voice. We talk a while and I finally fell asleep. But before I drifted into deep slumber, I clearly remembered one thing I did see that evening in the left tower. It was a strange vision but perhaps only the image of the deep hopes in my heart. I stood beside my Sophia as she held a tiny, squirming infant. “Ah,” I sighed aloud. Perhaps our effort to adopt will soon come to pass.

I leave for my vineyard, my wife and my life immediately after the burial in the morning.

JACK

That morning, I was surprised as we pulled up the driveway of the Inn and found no one to greet us. I would have thought that at least Miss Riley and John would have met us at the door to welcome Natalie and our daughters home. However, Miss Marla explained it to us; that Mr. Pullo’s new wife had died suddenly and was being buried.

“That poor woman!” Natalie exclaimed and I held her, Catherine and Chelsea close.

In our apartment, Natalie and I settled our girls into their new cribs, each swaddled in warm blankets and sleeping peacefully … even tiny, loud Chelsea! But I could not shake the thought of such a young woman having been taken. It was a wonder to me, how life begins and ends, without rhyme or reason. For all our careful planning, we all march to God’s tune and sometimes, it’s difficult to see His reasoning behind it all. I could see where some might doubt His wisdom, but I have faith that it will all come out well in the end. His eye is on the sparrow, is it not?

Natalie took my hand as we watched our daughters sleep, and we prayed together that they enjoy long, happy lives; and we prayed for Mr. Pullo and his young adopted daughter, that they are watched over and comforted on this very sad day.

ANDY

For some reason, this one’s hit me real bloody hard. Lesley Brookmeyer-Pullo had asked for a quick exit and was to be buried the next day with no viewing at all. It breaks my heart to think that this woman felt no one would come to see her anyway. That she’d never know how many would stand at her grave.

I know, I know. Mortality plays heavy on a young bloke’s mind, and mine’s starting to wonder about life and death. I been pretty sick, but nothing that threatened my life. I do everything Claudia and the doctors tell me because it’s important for me to stick around, be here for Monica. Hell, we got a whole life together … if we’re careful.

But fuck all, I’m sure Lesley was careful. She just got sideswiped by that brain tumor. It was nothing she could possibly see coming. It’s real humbling to get a reality check every now and then. Face the fact that life can end in the blink of an eye no matter what you do.

I stood beside my wife and the rest of the family, the casket poised and ready to be lowered into the ground. Shit, I realized I had two bloody choices. Worry about it, or live.

Glancing at Monica I knew what I wanted. I want to live as full and good as we can. I promised her we’d stop by her dad’s grave after. Maybe there we can talk about this. I can see it’s all on her mind too. One thing to bury an old man, but something completely different when you watch them bury a woman your own age.

I talked a bit with Hando before we all left for the cemetery. He didn’t even look uncomfortable in his black ‘monkey suit’ and I’m guessing he didn’t even complain to Mere about having to wear it. He talked about getting his affairs in order, about how it suddenly seemed important that Mere and Ruthie were gonna be okay if something happened to him.

Colin was the same way, really deep in thought about it all. He and Carrie just got back from a little trip to Belize and you’d think they’d look relaxed and happy like newlyweds are supposed to look. Funerals have a way of bringing fact and fiction together, colliding it into the mess that is life. But the truth is, I think Colin really does need to make sure things are prepared in case … ya know? He drives a bloody race car 185 mph every Sunday for eight months out of the year. Sure as hell worries me, I’ll tell ya.

Kim stood apart from us. It’s too bad that bloke never really connects. One of these days he’ll figure it out that we can care about him even if he is a bloody prick. Another one standing apart … Ben Wade. At least he was there, supporting the family his way, poor misplaced bloke.

Couldn’t help thinking about those not with us that cold morning. Lachlan couldn’t get away, but at least he’s now stationed in San Diego and not off in the Middle East. That’s a sigh of relief.

Dino’s off on a case and Riles mentioned that she couldn’t reach Zack or Terry. Doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out they’ve gone to places unknown to help. I just fucking hope whatever they’re doing doesn’t bring us back to this bloody cemetery. Fuck’s sake, they’re all pros, but they do damn dangerous work.

“Ahhhh hhhhh hhhh hhh! Ahhhhhhh hhh hh!”

I turned and groaned. Bloody hell, just what we needed. The Stowe Town Mourner had arrived right on time.

JOHN

Fuck! Just what I was afraid of. Everyone turned to stare at old Mrs. Fuller, the self-appointed official Stowe Town Mourner! Crazy as a loon, Widow Fuller. Christ, I had to put a stop to this. It’s one thing to hear stories about how she just shows up and does this shit, but not now, not with my family.

I left the group and reached out a hand to gently lead her away. Wade came and took her other arm and we walked her all the way to the fence.

She whimpered and moaned, real tears in her eyes and I drew in a deep breath. “Hey, Mrs. Fuller, you think maybe you can pass on this one? I mean, it’s not like you even knew Lesley.”

“I knew her, young man,” her grey and bloodshot eyes glared up at me then Wade. “Young people,” she spat. “You think you got the corner on living but you don’t. None of you. This is living. It’s the biggest, most important part of life, the dying part. It tells the whole story, you know. I’m here to make sure it all gets told.”

“Not today,” I grunted, took a glance back.

“You think I didn’t know that young woman? I saw her all the time, walking around town with her little girl. I remember when that child was a babe in arms; remember when she cried because she got lost in the grocery market. I knew that woman better than you!”

She had a point there, but still. “Listen, Mrs. Fuller. This is a really hard time for Pullo and little Valerie. I just don’t want your … energetic approach to mourning … to upset them even more. Can you just kinda keep it down?”

“Lesley needs to hear me,” her arms flailed high. “She’ll recognize my voice even more than the voice of that man she just married … known me longer. If I can get her to hear me she’ll take a good look, see how many people are gonna miss her … see that that man is gonna follow all her wishes for her daughter. It’s important for me to be here before you drop all that dirt on her and she can’t hear no more.”

She stood her ground; I’ll give her that much, hands on broad hips, a scowl that made the tip of her nose almost touch her chin. What was I gonna do? Wade had the solution.

“Tell you what, John. I’ll just stay here with Mrs. Fuller. No need to make her leave. We gotta let her mourn too, right? She ain’t gonna bother no one, are ya ma’am?”

She nodded, charmed as any woman by Ben Wade’s grin. I left him to handle it.

PULLO

The preacher spoke, said all the words meant to comfort us but they didn’t comfort me. My gods and the one Lesley believed in are different, but they all hear things the same. My wife was dead, gone and we had to just go on. Vorenus said it best so long ago, made me see how it all really is. He survived his wife’s death. We all survive someone’s death. I looked down at Valerie. I survived my own mother’s death and the cycle continues.

All through the talking and preaching I held two pink roses in my hand. It was so cold I was afraid they’d crack or go ugly before I could do what I wanted to do with them. But when the preacher stepped aside, giving me everyone’s attention, I saw that the blooms looked perfect, alive, healthy. The old woman back at the fence with Wade wailed and moaned and I left her to it. When she quieted, I nodded her way and cleared my throat.

“I … ah …” I wiped tears, shook myself into control and started again. “I met and I married an amazing woman. You didn’t get to know how wonderful she was. This all happened so fast, but I know she had an affect on every one of you. Even I didn’t know her so well, but I loved her very well. Lesley lived a good life, raised a good and kind little girl and then … she left.

“I won’t tell stories about how we’re going to get through this, me and Valerie. I can’t begin to even imagine how we’ll do it. But when I do think about it, you’re all there, helping us … and we’re grateful. All of us. Me. Valerie. And Lesley.

“So, I’m going to say goodbye to the woman I love.” I knelt beside the casket and kissed the side of the cold, silvery blue surface, placed one rose there. “And I do love you,” I whispered then stood. “And,” I turned to Valerie and knelt again. She whimpered and I smiled, kissed her cheek.

“To you, my little daughter, I’m going to say … hello. We have a long road ahead and many battles over the horizon. But I want you to know I love you. I’m always going to be here for you, honey. Always.” I handed her the rose and she wrapped her arms around my neck.

I’m not sure, but I think we’re going to be alright.