ANTONY

I am writing this because the solace of sleep escapes me this night. The glowing red numbers of the clock at my bedside state two AM. I am weary and troubled and can not command my mind to silence.

I am suddenly sensing a trepidation, a feeling of loss and separateness. Here in Vermont I have attained all I demanded so long ago at the vineyard with General Maximus. I wished to be placed in a situation where I may serve as I am accustomed, protect with a sharp eye and control any dangerous situation for the most positive outcome. Thorne had taught me well, I am able and qualified in all forms of what he called urban warfare. But this situation, although there are always possibilities for such occurrences, has grown to be far more than that to me. This place and these people have grown more precious than family … and I am baffled by this turn of events. This is not my home nor my family. I am apart from them in many, many ways.

This morning as I did my duties, I received the wrath of Hades from the lovely red haired chef. Her husband is the young man who had fallen gravely ill and she had just hurriedly entered the property. I … feeling the pressure of my responsibilities, had refused a delivery of specialty produce earlier that morning. She was anxious and bustling about when receiving the news of my decision and charged to the front gate. Her voice rose just as Atia's was wont to do and her eyes flared with an emotion I could only describe as pure detestation.

I quickly corrected the problem and later as she prepared to leave, she did something to which I am not accustomed. This frazzled young woman made a heartfelt apology to me.

"Antony," she said, a tear in her lovely eye. "I'm so sorry. There's just so much on my plate right now. Getting Andy home, taking care of him. And tomorrow we have a meeting with Riley that has me a nervous wreck. It wasn't your fault about the truck. I wasn't here to make sure the delivery was on your list. Please forgive me. I'm really not usually a raving bitch."

I tilted my head in acquiescence then felt a strong desire to speak before she left, saying her name in a way that seemed somehow correct.

"Monica," I leaned down to see her face clearly through the window of her car. "Do not concern yourself. I assure you I will be more careful in the future and assist in any way I can in order to lighten your burden. And … if I can help in any way …"

She reached out and pulled my neck closer to kiss my cheek then sighed a grateful 'thank you'.

It is occurrences like these that had me thinking with wild confusion. Why do I care so for these people?

Images of Beibe and his honorable mannerisms laced with a volatile temper and quick humor … the older gentleman, Jeff with his supportive words and thoughtful smile … Thorne, a complex collection of military strategist and compassion … young Andy with his tremendous commitment and loyalty, so much so that he had neglected the care of himself … Lachlan, a mate no man would refuse to stand beside in battle … Jack the sea captain, a man quick with his wit and a lion in his protectiveness over his burgeoning new family. I understand there are more. I have not met Hando but have heard much about him. Colin is scheduled to arrive at the Inn soon. If I am correct in my assessment, these men too are worthy of respect and admiration. And there is more. Their women. Gentle caring souls with the fire of Zeus glowing from their very hearts.

I am made to think that I can only hope to be truly a part of this family. That it would be a gift I have never beheld. But alas, I stand alone. They are my legions and I will protect them at all cost. And loving them as I inexplicably do, how can I curb my growing desire to watch over them with even more fervor … making everything all the more difficult?

RILEY

I was so concerned. Work in the kitchen had kept me busy as hell and I hadn't been able to see Andy once in the hospital. We didn't really even know how he was actually doing and I was surprised when Monna told me she was bringing him in for a meeting. I tried to object and offered to go to their house, but she insisted on meeting in the office, as professionally as possible.

Ten minutes before the meeting and baby Terry safe in Natalie's care, I walked downstairs. Passing Jeff's suite I got an idea. Jeff Wigand had always been the voice of reason for us and I was hoping that if he was at the Inn, he could sit in. Chances were he was with Kelly. Imagine my surprise when he answered the door and agreed.

John met us and we all crowded into the small office. Jesus, Andy looked like shit, was still wearing a hospital bracelet and more then one small Bandaid in the crooks of his elbows. God sakes, we sat there for a while, no one seemed to want to start. I can't tell you how scared I was that they had horrible news. Finally Andy cleared his throat and began.

"We wanted to talk a bit. Things are … kinda complicated." He looked at me. "Moolay, I'm sorry love but I gotta take some serious time off. Don't worry, it's nothin' bad."

"Andy," Monica interrupted and they shared a look. He shrugged and continued.

"Okay, it's sorta bad. But I'm not dying or anything. It's a condition, kinda stupid if you ask me, but it's real. Called Chronic Fatigue Syndrome."

I gasped, John's mouth dropped but Jeff's head just nodded sympathetically.

"Don't worry, and don't be thinkin' it's your fault, Riles. I love this place. I came here to make my mark on it and I have never been more satisfied with my career and where the Inn has brought me. This got nothin' to do with how much or how hard I worked. It would've happened no matter what I was doing. It's just that now, I need some time, love. See, I gotta get this thing under control, figure out my limitations, all the things that might help."

"Fuck," John grunted and tapped his cigarette pack on the desktop.

"Gotta quit smokin' too," Andy grinned and I turned a glare at my husband. John dropped the full pack into the trash.

"If I can't smoke, no one should," I teased and we laughed, Jeff the loudest.

"Anyway," Andy said with a sigh. "It's gonna take a few months to get this manageable … before I can try to get back to the kinda pace I'm used to … if I can do it at all. Right now, I'm fairly healthy but if it goes on unchecked, if I can't get productive rest, stuff's gonna happen. Bad stuff."

Jeff agreed. "You're lungs, heart and kidneys are at risk, Andy. You're doing the right thing, son."

Andy nodded and turned to Monica. "Your turn, love."

"I'm not going to let you down," Monna started. "I'll do what I can but I need to try to cut it all back to a normal work schedule. As close to forty hours a week as possible. I'm so sorry, but I need to …"

Shit, now she was crying and making me cry. "Hey, hey. Don't sweat this stuff. You have to take care of your life. God forbid this happen to you too. We'll figure something out," I glanced at John's confused expression then turned to Jeff. "What do you think we should do?"

Jeff handed his handkerchief to Monica then sighed. "I know what you're thinking and I'm sure John agrees with me …you can't do this, Riley. Not with the baby and everything else. Here's what you do. You need to hire a new executive chef. Get a pro in here. Monica, you keep your position but in order to cut back your hours to forty a week, you need to give up at least one of your responsibilities. Riley will need to hire an assistant sous chef to take up the slack; maybe Ricky out there is ready for the job."

We all nodded sadly, knowing damn well what we were losing but clearly aware that it was the best solution.

"What about when I can come back?" Andy asked.

Jeff shrugged. "Then you come back, at first a few hours a day to oversee things, then more as you can handle it. From this day forward you are the Corporate Chef Consultant. You create the standardized recipes, develop seasonal menus, all the creative things that make this place stand apart. Andy, it's your vision and talent that made this a four star restaurant. There's no plan to toss that away." The room was silent, I could hear my heartbeat.

"And Andy," Jeff added quietly. "Let me help you and Monica. I have resources and contacts who have studied this condition. It's not as hopeless as it looks."

"Will do, mate. Can use all the help we can get."

Jeff grinned. "Now let your wife take you home. I'll stop by tomorrow with names and numbers."

I hugged Andy and Monna and waited until I was alone with John before I cried over it all. "I don't care what he said," I sobbed into his chest. "I should have seen. I should have been helping out. It's my fault."

John Beibe has been with me long enough to know not to argue about it. Eventually, after I'd done my research on CFS, after I'd thought it through, after I'd let all the new changes settle in … I'd come to my senses and know it wasn't my fault. At that moment, I needed to take the responsibility. He didn't say a word, just cuddled me tight and kissed the top of my head.

An hour later, my puffy eyes finally looking normal again, I found Jeff sitting in the rattan chair on the porch. What was he doing there? I expected him to be gone to see Kelly. Unless … unless … unless he was more worried about Andy and the kitchen than he led on.

I sat beside him and sighed dramatically. His hand reached over and patted mine. "What is it, sweetie?"

"Is this condition worse than Andy told us?"

"No, dear. He's doing everything right, he'll need to adjust his life to utilize his limited energy correctly but he's willing and able to do that. Will you need help screening applicants for the new positions?"

He asked, but there was no enthusiasm in his voice. "What's wrong with you, Jeff? You've been on top of the world since you met Kelly. Today you look like you lost your best friend."

"I may have, Riley. I just may have. Something may be happening to change the relationship I'd hoped for."

"Like what? Is this woman crazy, letting you slip through her fingers?"

"I'm not sure what's happened but something is suddenly different. I'll be fine, Riles. Just fine."

I have never seen him look so sad since I met him. "Listen to me, Jeffrey Wigand. Nothing happened and nothing changed. You need to get in your car and go over there and you need to do it now. Don't lose this one. I kinda like you when you smile all the time."

He took my hand and kissed it. "I kinda like it too."

"So … go!"

JEFF

I hoped Riles was right. Part of me wanted to absorb her optimism and see that everything was really okay and yet the practical aspects of the situation told me that something was indeed up and about to blow. The maddening thing was that I wasn't really sure of the parameters; Kelly and I had been involved for just a few weeks. I was certain of her caring attitude towards me, and there were times when I felt that it bordered upon something more substantial than a growing fondness. She'd been knocked around emotionally in her marriage and I didn't want to push; I'm nothing if not patient, and I didn't feel that I had a right to pry into her feelings. But maybe I needed to, at least to set my own mind at ease, which I knew was going to be rather difficult.

Dilemma: I had done something that I'm rather ashamed to admit, but at the time my curiosity had gotten the better of me and I gave in to temptation with deservedly disturbing results. Two nights ago while spending the evening over at Kelly's place I had awakened quite early and did what I normally do when I can't get back to sleep - I went into the other room to find something to read until I felt drowsy enough to go back to bed. Kelly was sleeping soundly, so I took advantage of that consideration when I saw the red message light blinking impatiently on her portable phone base over by her desk. I would never have attempted to play back her messages, but convinced myself that there was no harm in checking the caller ID and discovering who had been making all those calls she had been avoiding.

Yes, I know that it was inherently wrong and intrusive, but I'm ashamed to report that such concerns provided no deterrent. Here before me was the Pandora's Box holding the answer to the mystery of the phantom caller's identity, and when I saw the name on the ID readout display no less than 23 separate times I realized why Kelly had been so evasive. The name was that of her ex-husband, David O'Grady.

I didn't call before heading out to see her after my conversation with Riley. I guess I wanted the element of surprise on my side and perhaps I was also just adding to my own torture. I've learned that showing up unannounced didn't always equate happy surprise on the part of the receiving party, but maybe this would help force the issue or prove that I was misreading signals and worrying over nothing. As I pulled into Kelly's driveway I tried to keep Riley's encouraging optimism with me, but a sense of dread was just under the surface, like a niggling sore tooth that you just can't keep your tongue away from.

The lights were on upstairs and her car was in the driveway. As I made my way up the porch steps and reached for the doorbell I told myself that I had been worrying needlessly and that in a few minutes everything would be back to normal. Only she didn't answer on the first ring, so I buzzed the doorbell again and there was a moment when I almost reached for the hidden key that she kept hidden in a plastic rock in the flower bed. But a moment later I heard her thumping down the stairs and saved myself from the inevitable embarrassment that would have undoubtedly followed.

The door opened and her smile seemed a bit forced as her eyes met mine.

"Babe! Hey, I didn't think I'd see you tonight!" She opened the door further and stepped aside to let me in. "Is everything okay at the Inn? I thought you'd be tied up with everything going on over there." She slipped her arm around my waist as I leaned down to kiss her and she returned my hug. "You caught me getting ready to head out for a little bit. Wanna come upstairs and keep me company for a few minutes while I finish getting ready?"

Getting ready to go where? I sensed a hesitancy and discomfort in her voice and manner and although I knew I'd be stepping into dangerous territory if I pushed it, I had to ask. "Where you going?"

We were heading up the stairs at this point and when she didn't answer I thought she might not have heard me. I was about to rephrase my question when we reached the living room but she turned to face me and before she answered I knew that my instincts had been correct. I braced myself for the worst.

"I can't do this…" Her façade of cheerfulness crumbled and I dreaded what was about to come next. Reaching for my arm she led me over to the couch and as we sat down I braced myself for the inevitable. I felt her hand on my knee and even though she was looking me straight in the eye I found it hard to hold her gaze, but I forced myself not to look away.

"I haven't been entirely honest with you over the past few days." She paused before continuing, perhaps to find the easiest words for the big let down. Part of me just wanted to get up and leave without letting her finish but I suppressed the urge to do so. I needed to hear her say it. Jeff, we can't see each other anymore.

KELLY

I wanted to avoid this very scene with Jeff at all costs. I knew he had been wondering about the unanswered phone calls, and I had tried to blow it all off and hoped that he wouldn't question. But he's too smart for that, and he deserved to know what I was about to do that evening. I knew he wouldn't like it, and that's why I tried to keep it from him. In my own misguided way, I had been trying to keep him blissfully ignorant of what I was planning. But right now I knew that it hadn't been working, and I owed it to him to be straightforward.

"David's been calling me…nonstop for the past week." I reached for his hand, hoping to draw from some of his strength, but as I laced my fingers through his I felt the barrier forming. He stared straight ahead and I feared what he was thinking. "I'd been trying to ignore him, but for the last two days it's been a non-stop barrage of phone calls every twenty minutes and I finally had to ask him what the hell he wanted, and he dropped a real bombshell. He's broken up with his wife and when I told him I wasn't interested in his personal problems he told me that he was coming here to Vermont to see me and that he really needed to tell me something very important."

Jeff gave what sounded liked a sigh of disgust. He reached up and took off his glasses, rubbing his temple as if he felt a headache coming on. "And did he give any indication as to what this something important was?"

He was irritated. I'd never seen Jeff irritated before and I felt a sudden gripping in my heart as I watched him digesting what I was about to tell him... "No, he didn't, but I think I know what he plans to say and I really need to hear him out. I don't know why…well, that's not completely true…I do know why…but I need to do this; I need to, before I can go forward with anything else. We were married for seven years and I need to know that it wasn't all just a bunch of wasted time."

"You'd told me it was six years and you need to remember what he did to you…" He didn't finish; there was no need.

He let go of my hand and got up to go stand over by the window, slipping his hands into his pockets and starring out at nothing in particular. I wanted to go over to him, but I was afraid. And ashamed. "Please, understand that this is something I have to do. It doesn't mean that I'm interested or even hoping to get back together with him - you know better than to think I'd do that. I just have to finish this once and for all."

"If I hadn't showed up out of the blue tonight, were you planning on telling me about this somewhere down the line?" His voice was calm but the accusation in his tone gripped my heart even tighter. "I know we've only been seeing each other for a short while, but what you've been telling me during this time and what you are about to do tonight seem in direct opposition of each other. If you really need to do this because you want closure, it seems that you could easily convey that to him by telephone, but that's simply my own practicality speaking. I can't tell you that what would work for me is the only way to approach the matter, but answer one question: let's say he throws himself at your mercy, admits his wrongdoing and begs you to reconsider and come back to him. Take into account his adultery and the fruits of that deception - he's a father now. That baby isn't going to magically disappear. What would you do?"

I couldn't believe that he was asking me such a question, but I knew he did have a right to wonder. I gave him an honest answer. "I don't know."

He turned to face me and I could tell that he'd made a decision and I felt the emotional door closing on his feelings towards me. "I can't tell you what to do - I don't have that right. I'm disappointed that you couldn't have discussed this with me beforehand…"

I was about to interrupt and defend my actions but he held up his hand to hold me off until he was finished. "I understand the awkwardness of the situation, and I know that you're feeling confused and need to sort it all out, but do me a favor - don't play me for a fool. If you decide to take the idiot back into your life, I expect you to do the right thing and let me know of your decision right away. You're not the only one who has a life to rebuild."

His coldness nearly floored me. I knew that I deserved it and that if the situation was reversed that in all likelihood I'd be reacting the same way. I was seeing a side to Jeff that I hadn't suspected. I had never thought otherwise, but he was not a man whose feelings were to be trifled with. As much as I knew what was at stake at that moment I still had to do what I had intended - meet David and hear him out. And yes, I understood what my actions could possibly lead to where Jeff was concerned. But I still had to do this thing.

"Just let me hear him out…" I got up from the couch and went over to him, just wanting to stop him from closing off from me but even as he allowed himself to open up to my embrace I felt the rigidness of his body and the resignation in his voice.

"Honey, you do what you feel you have to do. I'm going to go home and take care of a few things that need looking after as well."

I sensed the resolution in his comment when he didn't elaborate and I knew that he had just prepared himself for the worst.

"Call me when you know what you want to do. Until then, just remember why you came to Vermont in the first place. Don't make a decision you'll end up regretting."

I tried to reach out for him again, but he simply kissed me on the forehead and headed towards the door. He hesitated just for a split second as he reached for the doorknob, but before I could think of something to say in response the door closed behind him and I was left with nothing but the echo of his steps as he descended the stairs and was gone.

JOHN

Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. What the fuck? I'd be fucking embarrassed to say I had that, and it didn't look like Andy was too happy about it either. But it's a real thing. Becky Foster had to close her dress shop in town because of it. When I lived in Pittsburgh with Riles before we bought the Inn, my secretary at the kid's hockey rink was hospitalized for weeks when her kidneys started to shut down from CFS. Nothing to mess around with. At least Andy and Monna were handling it right, but I had my doubts that everything was ever gonna be the same again … for them or for us at the Inn. Riley doesn't handle change real good and this getting a new chef shit was not going to be an easy transition.

But all that aside, I was thinking about something bigger, about the whole picture. About life. I almost died in an avalanche three years ago, almost lost Riley in childbirth two years ago. Every fucking moment is too precious to waste like we have been. Hell, we haven't really recovered from almost losing each other and ending up divorced. Something had to be done and I was gonna do it. That's that.

I went to the front desk and checked reservations. Not too heavy, still early fall and most were scheduled for later in the month. Good. Dinner reservations were light too, most of our daily business came in off the street. Good. I didn't ask Riley, this time she wasn't going to have a choice. I was taking matters into my own hands. After all … I sign the fucking checks, right?

I called the kitchen staff together.

"We're closing the kitchen for lunch and dinner service for a few weeks. Just breakfast for the guests and Ricky, you, one staff hand and a dishwasher can handle that, right?"

"Right Mr. Biebe. Ah… what's going on?"

"Nothing bad. I'm taking my wife and son away for a little vacation, that's all. Chef Monica will be here to manage the breakfasts with you. And when we get back, we'll be hiring a new Executive Chef."

"Jesus!" Fanny, the pantry girl gasped. She's always had a crush on Andy and I knew what was gonna come out of her mouth so I interrupted before she could finish.

"Andy has accepted a new position as our Corporate Chef Consultant. He'll be around. And he's getting well, so don't be worrying about him. Any questions?"

"When do we close?"

"Tomorrow. I'll get Monica to check on the orders placed today and make sure we're not stocking up on perishables we won't be using. Everyone's off with pay so don't you all dare go job shopping. Consider it a vacation. Got it?"

All heads nodded and I went into the office for phase two. Called Ben Rollins, our favorite travel agent who keeps our rooms booked and keeps us hopping with guests. Time for him to help us relax. I booked a beach house in North Carolina. It's considered off season, too cool to play in the water but quiet and perfect for some family R&R. Little T is big enough to travel and I wouldn't even think about leaving him behind. It was time for me to give my family a little normal time together. Ben did all the arranging, crib, rental car, champagne waiting in the fridge for us. Good man, Ben.

On to phase three. I went down to the pub and found Antony. It was after nine PM and that man is on his feet all day long, always looking, always checking. I have to admit, I think we're all a little safer than we used to be. He took his work seriously. Finally off, he sat alone, sipped beer and rubbed his eyes. I tapped two more and joined him.

"Hey buddy, I need a favor."

His brow rose and head tilted. "Sarcasm, I assume. What can I do for you, Biebe?"

"Nope, no sarcasm. From where you sit, I know it doesn't look like we're buddies, but we are. And I need a favor. I'm taking Riley and the baby away for a week."

"And how will that affect how I do my job?"

That fucker can be a real prick sometimes. "It does. I'm gonna be gone. I need you to watch over this place even more than usual, Antony. I'm closing the dinner service, so you'll have fewer concerns at the gate. Mostly you'll need to watch the room reservations, guests and staff. Question anything you think seems suspicious. Call Terry or the sheriff if you need. Do what you gotta do. I'm not expecting anything dangerous to happen … I just … ah."

"John," he sipped beer, his eyes serious and trained on mine. "I will take care of this place and I will do it better than usual … because you are not here … and because I care about it. I understand that from where you sit it may not seem so, but I do care about this place and these people. No harm will come while you are gone. It is my vow."

I slid the extra beer toward him, slouched back in the booth and watched him. "Hey, man. You do realize we want you here, right? You realize you're welcome here. You're here because …"

"Because we are buddies?" His eyes sparkled with wit and I snorted.

"You're a prick, ya know that?"

"So I have heard, Biebe. So I have heard."

And I was determined to enjoy my beer before going upstairs and facing the music. Whether she liked it or not, I was taking my wife and son on fucking vacation.