RILEY

Now why did that make me nervous? The fact that Jeff and John were devising new and better ways for the Inn to run without me should have made me happy as a clam. But even though they both love me, John with some amazing capacity I'll never understand, I wasn't really sure they actually knew what I was trying to accomplish with the 1876 Manor at Mount Mansfield.

But I put on a smile and at eight sharp, showered and dressed in my pregnant fat lady clothes which were still too baggie but far more comfortable than my regular ones, John carried me out and sat me at the kitchen table for the 'explanation'. He propped my bandaged ankle on a pillow adorned chair and made coffee.

Jeff arrived five minutes later followed by Monna carrying a serving tray loaded with perfect signature breakfast foods no one else in Vermont offered. Light as air crepes filled with Andy's home made apple sauce, crème fraiche and pecans; classic Vermont pop-overs loaded with ripe fresh berries and bowls of Monica's own fresh baked granola.

We ate and had some small talk and I was getting antsier with every passing moment, especially when I noticed the bruise on Jeff's face. Had John actually gotten one fist in after all? Jesus, what was I in for? What were we all in for?

Finally John cleared the table and Jeff started the official meeting.

"Well, sweetie, you look good this morning."

"You don't, where'd you get that shiner, Doc?"

He touched his cheekbone and grinned. "Had a run in with an ex-hockey player. That's not important. We have lots to discuss and I have little time."

Jeff proceeded to explain his take-over of my responsibilities while John would continue with his regular job as well as caring for me. I know, I know. I should have sat tight and listened, really listened to what he was trying to tell me, but I had to interrupt and do it often.

"Just how do you know what I do, Doc?" Yeah, maybe I was being belligerent, but I was beginning to feel eliminated!

"Riley, am I mistaken in thinking that you are managing a well run and profitable business?"

"No, but --"

"And do you think your business is much different from any other well run, profitable business on earth?"

"Yes it is!"

"Riley," John grunted, like I was a misbehaving child or something.

"Fine, fine. Go on," I whined.

"Trust me, sweetie," Jeff said. "As special as this place is, it is still a business. People need to do their jobs well and patrons need to be satisfied. Correct?"

"Of course! But --"

"Riley!" This time John shouted, frightening poor Sophie so much she hid under my chair. "Let the man talk, God sakes."

Jeff went on and on, flipping page after page in his notebook and covering virtually everything I knew needed to be taken care of every single day. Hell, he even targeted things I fluff over on occasion. I had to admit, he was thorough, but was he really aware of how to do that at the Inn? At my Inn? He couldn't, could he?

Then he pulled out a schedule sheet and reviewed it, his glasses low on his nose. "John," he said. "First off, everyone gets a day off, and yours is today. No more twenty-four-seven, buddy. Take Riley for a ride in the mountains, take her to lunch, just get off the property and get refreshed. You'll be off every Thursday no matter what, otherwise, we'll be taking you to the hospital suffering from exhaustion and I'll be in serious trouble. You handle a lot here and we all count on you."

I turned to John, at first looking for him to argue with Doc, but I noticed the dark circles under his tired eyes. Jesus, I never realized how hard this had been for him. John nodded almost gratefully.

Doc continued. "Great. Have a good time today. Enjoy yourselves and don't worry about anything here. I've already had a seven AM staff meeting to cover scheduling and job descriptions and -- "

"Wait a stinking minute!" That was the last straw. "You already had a meeting? With my staff? I haven't even agreed to this!"

Jeff took his glasses off and leaned back, letting me rant on and on for a few more minutes then he stood with a stern glare. One I'd never seen from him before in my life.

"Listen to me, Riley Biebe and listen good. Since you are acting like one of my little girls, I'll talk to you like I would to them."

I opened my mouth and his finger shot up.

"You will do as you're told, and that includes letting go of the responsibilities around here. Are you so selfish that you'd jeopardize that child?" He pointed to my belly and my hand covered it. "Do you think I like doing this? This is your business, yours and John's. He and I have discussed this at great length, and this is the only logical solution, young lady. It is not a punishment. If you choose to look at it that way you just go right ahead. I have John's endorsement and his support, so like it or not, this is happening. He is, after all, the controlling partner here if you want to get technical."

He was pacing and I started to cry, big crocodile tears falling. Jeff, usually quick to comfort me was not about to do it this time.

"It's time to wake up and smell the coffee. You are not going to work for months. Months, Riley. Do you want this place to fall?"

I didn't say a word. I didn't even look to John for support.

"Answer me, woman. Do you want this place to collapse? And trust me, it will. Is that what you want?"

"No," I squeaked.

"And that baby? How about that baby? How important is it for you to take care of yourself? How bad do you want it?"

"Jeff, how can you ask me that?" I gasped, appalled.

"Simple. How bad do you want it? Bad enough to let loose of your obsessive controlling nature? Enough to follow doctor's orders? How much?"

John had left the table and was looking out the window at the mountain.

"How much!" Jeff shouted and Sophie skittered out of the room.

"Yes! Yes, Jeff yes. God, I couldn't bear it if I lost another baby, but oh God Jeff, I'm so afraid of losing everything. Everything. I can't fail at this, I just can't."

"Can you find it in your heart to accept my help?" Jeff sat beside me and held my hand. "Can you, Riley? This is an important step for you. I know you're a smart woman, and when you think this through, you'll see it's the best solution to a very temporary problem. John is willing to accept my assistance and trust me sweetie, it's far harder for him than it is for you."

My face dropped to his chest and I sobbed. "Yes, thank you Jeff, thank you so much."

John walked over and laid his hand on my head, smoothing my hair tenderly. "It's okay, baby. Trust me; it's going to be fine."

Jeff handed me over to my husband and stood with a groan. "I need to get downstairs." He gathered his notes and left quietly.

John sat in the chair, his thumbs pushing away my stupid tears.

"I'm sorry, I have no clue why I did that? I know he means to do the right thing. I just . . . I just . . . I don't know."

"I do. You were fighting for your life, baby. You thought we were taking it away from you, but this option is really the best. He's family; he cares about us, well especially you," he grinned. "Believe me, he's doing all this to make sure everything stays the way you want it. I suck at your job, trust me. I suck big time. He knows business. And besides, you don't think for one minute that Doctor Jeff Wigand really wants to work at a fucking Inn, do you?"

That made me laugh. Of course he didn't, but he would. For us.

"Now, it's time to get out of here. You've gotta be sick of these four walls, and I'm dying to take you out and show off your . . . condition." His eyes twinkled.

"Okay. But I look like crap. Let me at least fix my face, brush my hair. What am I going to wear?"

JOHN

I took her to the bedroom and let her fuss over clothes and make-up. Jesus, it was so hard for me, letting that prick yell at her like that. But Jeff is good with Riley. He knows how to reach her psyche, make her think. I sure as hell didn't expect him to do it that way, but if it was me, I'd have probably done the same. She needed a wake up call. It was time to make her face the facts.

When the ankle healed, she might have a few weeks of walking around. Walking and nothing else, mind you. Doc Conklin said that already her uterus was being pulled. A tear could be life threatening not only for the baby but Riles. Had she even faced that yet? I swear, she thinks she's indestructible.

She stood with little to no weight on the bad ankle and smiled. "How do I look?"

God sakes, she's beautiful. Even in those God awful maternity things that didn't fit, she took my breath away. Last night, when we made love I was so fucking careful. But facing the facts has to go for me too, ay? How many more safe chances would I have to love her like that before we were cut off? Fuck. Wake up calls all around these days.

"You look like an angel, baby. Let's go." I swooped her up into my arms and took her downstairs. We didn't hide, I knew she wanted to see whoever she could, so I took her right through the lobby where I set her on a chair and went for the car. When I got back inside there was a crowd around her, all fussing and preening. Andy was directing traffic like a goon.

"Don't bloody mob her, mates. Easy there. Watch her ankle."

I just stood back, watched and listened. There was no business talk, only baby talk and sincere concern. I decided there and then that even when she was limited to her bed, I'd bring her down as often as I could. She deserved to see how much she was loved, how well things were being preserved for her.

Amidst promises of baby clothes and visits, I finally stepped closer and took her away from her adoring fans. God sakes, this was my day with her and I wanted every minute of it. I am, after all, her biggest fan.

JEFF WIGAND

I sat in Riley's small office off the kitchen and wondered how she could stand the heat that floats into the door. If I closed it, I'd be cooler but doing one thing I never do as a manager of any department in any industry. I'd be closing out the staff, and they needed to know they had access to me at all times. Granted I'm not Riles, but at least I could make them feel comfortable and safe around me.

It was my third day in her position and no one had yet popped into my door. Either they were confident that I meant what I said about things going on as they always had, or they were jittery about the new manager. Was I too controlling in that staff meeting Thursday?

As if on cue, Andy walked in and pushed the door closed. He stoked up the window air conditioner and tugged off his paper hat. "How can ya stand the heat, mate?"

I turned, smiled. "Me? You're out there generating it."

Andy dropped a folder on the desk. "This week's orders, oh . . ." He charged out and I looked at the long list of food products. Some items I'd never even heard of before. What on earth is star anise?

Andy returned with a bowl. "Taste this, what do ya think?"

I ran the spoon through thick brownish stock and touched it to my lips. "It's borscht! Fantastic, even better than my mother's!"

"Bonzer, soup of the day, in honor or you, mate. Now, got some issues."

I kept slurping soup and nodded for him to continue.

"Dishwasher problems; machine, not the dish blokes. Called for service, just wanted to you to know."

"Thanks, and?"

"And what?"

"You said issues, plural."

Andy shuffled in his chair. "Well, yeah. Had a chat with that cheeky bloke at the front desk. Marty?"

"Yes, and what's on Marty's mind?"

"Mutiny." Andy turned and checked the door, pressing it tight before continuing. "He says he's leaving if you think he's gonna work on Wednesdays. He's got a handicapped little boy, takes him to the pool every Wednesday."

I blinked. "Why didn't he just tell me that? Schedules can be altered, Andy."

He shrugged. "There's more. Housekeeping is having some trouble with the supplier Riley uses for their stuff."

I pulled opened the drawer, remembering that file and tugged it out. "Paulson Products, right? Same people who supply the kitchen's cleaning supplies if I recall."

"Yeah, this is an old bloody gripe you're just inheriting. They never liked the stuff; I think Kristin has a bloke she knows that she'd like to get the business here."

"What did Riley say?"

"She did promise them that if they used it for three months and still weren't happy, she'd make a change. Seems they're needin' to launder the linens twice to get things clean enough."

"Solved, we change suppliers. Anything else?"

Andy chuckled. "Yeah, mate. The fuckin' gardener's pissed on cheap wine again, but I took care of that one for ya. Send him home to sleep it off."

"Why are we keeping an alcoholic gardener?"

Andy stood and grinned. "'Cause Moolay don't know he's always drunk. Fire him, will ya."

I groaned. Well, one out of three isn't bad. "Send Marty and Kristin in to see me. I'll give the drunken gardener a call and cut him his final check. Oh, and Andy?"

"Yeah, mate?"

"More borscht, please."

KEVIN

I started the renovations for the nursery and had far more time alone with Riley than I ever had before. It's not hard enough that she looks so much like Allie, but now I was suddenly her sole companion since that Wigand fellow took over management and John knew she was being watched. He was probably thrilled to get the hell away from her. I swear to Christ, all she ever did was laugh or cry. Manic. Hormones I guess, but most of the time it broke my heart.

Spending so much time so close to the Queen, I expected to be under her constant scrutiny, but oddly, she never even asked me what I was doing. I broke through a wall and even swore, knowing I'd gone three inches too far and would have to make repairs, but she said nothing at all about it.

Her ankle had healed and she was pretty mobile. No steps were allowed, as per John, so she roamed around the apartment reading or talking or, God help me, sobbing. One afternoon I'd had enough.

"Queen Biebe, let's go out for lunch, you and me."

"Don't call me that, and please Kevin, don't patronize me."

I sat beside her on the sofa. "I'm not patronizing you. Just thought you'd like an afternoon out, that's all."

She was quiet for a long time, so I shrugged and decided to go back to work.

"Kevin, I'm so afraid." It was a soft statement that felt like a punch in the gut. I turned and scratched my chin, wondering what to do next. Scared women are something I've had a little experience with, but this one was somebody else's wife. I sat in a chair and watched her struggle not to cry again.

"Riley, honey. What are you afraid of?"

"Everything. Nothing. I don't know." Her pretty dark eyes glittered and she focused on me. "I'm afraid I'll lose this baby. I'm afraid I'll disappoint John. I'm afraid I'll be a terrible mother." The tears fell in buckets and I slid the ever present Kleenex box on the coffee table closer to her.

"Good start, but what are you really afraid of, Riley? Losing the baby is not something you can control. You're doing everything possible to prevent it, and if it happens, well . . . As far as disappointing John, that's a fucking impossibility. And being a good mother is something a woman learns. You're smart enough to learn, so that's a pretty dumb fear as I see it. What's really eating at you?"

She sighed, blew her nose and thought a moment. "I think I'm really afraid of not being a good wife. Marriage is a partnership and I've dropped the ball somewhere."

"Uh-huh. Where'd you drop it?" I teased and looked around the room.

Finally, she smiled. "Kevin, this isn't my first marriage."

That surprised me. "Really?"

"Really. I was such a failure at that one. He, well, my ex-husband thought he could teach me by . . . by beating me."

Fuck, I was on my feet. "What? Are you thinking John would -- "

"No, no Kev, that's not it. See, I still think it's my failures that made all that happen. My failure to say 'no more', my failure to satisfy him, my failure to understand what marriage is really about. This . . . this marriage to John is just too fucking easy, Kevin. He treats me like a --"

"Queen?" I sat again, wanting her to keep talking.

"Very funny. But . . . well, true I guess. This whole thing with the Inn, with my obsession, is all about carrying my weight, Kevin. It's about giving John what he deserves; a strong, supportive wife who will work as hard as he does. Look at me. I am failing."

I groaned. Why do women do that? Take all the shit and load it on their own hearts? "Riles, I have nothing to say about your first marriage except I'm glad you survived it. Maybe you're looking at it all wrong, honey. We all fail sometimes. Maybe it wasn't your failure, maybe it was that fucker you married?

"And you're right, marriage is a partnership but I can tell you this much about men like John. I know because I'm a lot like him. We want to make it easy for our wives. They are queens to us and we're honored to have them in our lives and in our beds. Trust me; there are more husbands like us than like your ex.

"Tell me something. That first day I met you, that day in Stowe with Ralph?"

She nodded.

"What did you do and why did you do it?"

"I was trying to keep the construction moving ahead. I didn't want John to worry about it." She blew her nose again.

"Do you think John felt like a failure?"

"Jesus, Kev. He was flat on his back, broken, just out of the hospital. He almost died!"

I blinked and watched her face. "How does his situation back in March differ from yours right now?"

"It just does."

"Did he disappoint you then?"

"No! Of course not, he . . . oh . . . oh. Yeah, I see what you're getting at."

"I'm not getting at anything, I was just wondering if you think you're tougher, stronger or more of a super hero than John is."

She giggled. "Never."

"Burger King or McDonald's?"

I took her out the back way and we did the drive through. Yeah, I was paranoid, figuring John might go ballistic is he knew I was taking her out of the house, but what the hell; we had a fun time sneaking away.

JOHN

Thursday again and my mouth started to salivate the minute I woke. Damn, I love having a day off. Things got a little hairy there for a while after Wigand took over. Even with my assurance that nothing was going to change, the staff had been a little skittish. Didn't help when he fired the gardener, but I was gonna fire that drunk anyway sooner or later. I had to replace him pronto. I can prune shrubs, but had no clue about taking care of all the gardens and special plants there. I tracked down the original landscaper for a recommendation and the fucker gave me the name of the guy we just canned. It had taken two weeks and just like Jeff said, they all settled down, I had a new gardener and an assistant maintenance man and was back to wearing clean clothes, greeting guests and dealing with their needs. Jeff had to be feeling the stress but he wasn't showing it, and Riles was downstairs for at least a few hours every day socializing.

She looked good, blooming like she should be. This was supposed to be our day together. Alone. But it started with a scare. Doc Conklin wanted to see her. I'd just taken her the day before for her regular check up and couldn't help but think it was going to bad news. Needless to say, I never was good at hiding it when I'm fucking freaking out, and the damn appointment wasn't till later in the afternoon to boot. How was I going to keep her calm if I was a basket case? Time for company.

I thought it was a good idea, so I asked Jeff to have his staff meeting in our suite. There was enough room and even Kevin, deep into finishing the nursery took Thursdays off, so it would be quiet. Riley was thrilled, bopping around the place and making sure everything was ready. Monna brought up fresh baked Danish and smiled, even though I'm sure she'd have rather had the meeting in the dining room where she could keep a close eye on her breakfast trade. Andy stayed downstairs to cover for her. He and Jeff had daily meetings and he was always up to speed.

Just as the meeting started, Riley leaned close to me.

"John, get me out of here, please," she whispered and panic crushed in my chest.

"You okay?" I shot to my feet.

She stood slowly. "I'm fine, but John, I shouldn't be here. Please, let's go someplace else."

I turned to the concerned group and grinned. "We're going downstairs for breakfast, have a good meeting."

I walked her, step by step down the stairs and wondered again about moving us to a first floor suite. "Sorry, baby. I thought you'd enjoy sitting in on a meeting."

A ripple of discontent ran across her face but she smiled anyway. Damn I'm a fucking idiot. "Sorry," I repeated.

At a table in the silent dining room and avoiding the regular guests enjoying their meal in the breakfast room, we sat quietly until Andy could find time to make our food. Food, fuck I wasn't hungry.

"You worried about this afternoon?" I asked cautiously.

"No, not really. John," her eyes glowed. "It's just that I've gotten so focused on the baby. I just want Jeff to do that other stuff while I concentrate on us. Is that bad?"

I shook my head and played with the fork, turning it over and over on a crisp linen napkin. "Not bad. Hey, I know I should be paying more attention to you. Maybe I would have known."

She grinned. "I should be paying more attention to you too. How's your leg? You were limping yesterday."

I shrugged, shuffled in my seat. "We're not good at this shit are we? The small talk?"

"No, and I was looking forward to today. I wanted to spend it in your arms and telling you all the crazy things going on in my head. But now, this afternoon . . ."

Andy arrived and set plates in front of us with a shrug. Simple over-easy eggs, toast, bacon. Man, that looked good. A guy like me can get real tired of fancy frue-frue sauces and pretty garnishes.

"Bloody Christ, Moolay. You look more beautiful every day," he said with a genuine smile and a shot of jealousy pumped through me.

"She's doing fine, Andy," I said with one of those I'm you fucking boss and you're dismissed attitudes.

Andy got the hint, but gave her a peck on the cheek before leaving. I poked eggs till they bled yellow and picked up my toast, just waiting for a reprimand from Riley. Oh yeah, it came, but not like I expected.

"John, can you tell me why you get jealous?"

"No fucking clue. No, that's a lie. Riley," I looked up from my plate. "I can't lose you. I can not lose you. It tears me to pieces even thinking it could be possible."

"How on earth did you handle it during those . . . other times . . . before?"

"I didn't." I filled my mouth with eggs and tried to stay calm.

"Can I ask you another question?"

"Sure," toast crumbs scattered across at her from my mouth and I chuckled. "Oops."

"Do you really think that little of me? That I'd ever leave you for someone else? God sakes, John. I've never been so safe and loved in my life. I'd be a complete fool to even look at another man, much less . . . you know."

I blinked. Yes, Riley took me as her Number One. Yes, she always came home to me. Yes, she was the one to say she didn't want to be with anyone else anymore. And yes, she married me. Married. Me! Jesus, we left that life when she married me. I was the only one still holding on to the fears I struggled with in that world. And Riley? She'd clearly closed the door between that life and us, together. Forever.

But being jealous was something I always had to deal with. Hell, when I was nine I actually tried to beat up my dad because he made mom cry. Would my new son do the same?

"It's not you, baby. It's me and I guess it's time to get over it, ay? Andy living here, Jeff working here. I guess maybe it's just hard knowing that you were with them. It's not that I think you or even they would do anything. It's the thoughts floating in my head all the time."

"Would you like me to tell you about what it was like to be with them? With any of them?"

"No."

"Well, I think I need to, John. I think you need to hear it, just so those thoughts in your head can have a little reality to clarify them."

"Riley, don't." I gulped hot coffee and it burned down my throat.

"Yes, John. Look at me. Listen and listen hard."

Fuck, another wake up call I guess. I groaned and pushed eggs around the plate.

"Let's start at the top, okay? Max."

Fuck my head was spinning, remembering that time the three of us made love; Max and I wanting nothing more than to give her something special. I remembered clearly how tender and gentle he was with her, how fucking loving.

"There are a thousand ways to love, John. And the truth is that every one of them taught me how to love. How to love you. Max was strength; he made me realize that I needed to pay attention. Learn to respond, not just react.

"Terry taught me how to play. Safely under his watch.

"Bud, well Bud taught me to talk and listen, really hear what I was saying and why I needed to say it. John, I swear, I think he taught me the most about how to love you.

"Hando taught me to fight back," she grinned. "Maybe too well.

"Andy taught me to keep my promises. Jack taught me how to crawl out of my hole, my ugly, dark places. Lachlan taught me how to trust. Cort reminded me how to pray, something I'm really starting to do again, John." She took a deep breath. "And Colin. Colin taught me how to be happy, a super big lesson."

"And Wigand?" I asked, ready to choke.

"John, Jeff taught me how to focus and make the hard choices and I'll always love him for that. I'll always love them all. But John," she took my hand and I held it like I'd sink without her. "You, you taught me how to live. And without all those lessons, those lovers, I could have never, ever been worthy of you. It was never about having sex with them, John. It was always about finding my way home, to you.

"And now that we're together, really together I wanted to tell you something before we go see Doctor Conklin this afternoon."

"Baby, don't get yourself worked up over it."

"That's just it, John. I'm not worked up. I'm not afraid. The only way I can face any of this is beside you, I learned that when it all started and I tried to do it alone. I can't and neither can you. We're a team, John. And whatever the world throws at us, we can only handle it together. If I lose this baby -- "

"Shh, Riley, don't even say that."

"If we lose this baby, it won't be because we don't deserve it or didn't want it enough. It'll be something we're suppose to live through, and just like you wouldn't die on that mountain, we'll get through it.

"Now," she shoveled a forkful of eggs into her mouth. "If we are blessed enough to get through this and have a perfect baby, we need to talk about what happens when I go back to work."

Fuck, she's amazing. She talked about all the lessons she'd learned from the others, but I learn all my lessons from Riley.

***

Doc Conklin did a thorough examination and I held her hand, feeling sick about how uncomfortable it seemed to be for her, he helped her sit at the edged of the table and talked to us there. No formalities in his office, straight to the point.

"This is it, Riley. I was hoping things would look better today and I could give you a few more weeks, but this little one is growing fast."

He turned to me. "John, I want you to take your wife out for a wonderful dinner tonight, it's the last time she'll be out of bed till D-day. I'll be coming by the Inn once a week to check on her."

"Once a week?" Riley gasped. "I'm only seven months. Is it that bad already?"

"No, no. It's not bad at all. It's just time for caution. We want to start taking things carefully before we have no choice. It's about gravity, dear. The baby is sitting well and the placenta and uterus have been flexible and adequate, defying all my concerns about your previous bout with endometriosis. We want nothing causing any undue tension or pulling of the tissues, so horizontal is the only solution. Has there been any discomfort during intercourse?"

Fuck, my eyes shot to Riley's.

"No."

"Any blood afterwards? Even a drop?"

"No, none."

"Good, but keep it easy and don't try being brave, if it hurts, you stop. And stop immediately. John may have to start getting used to cold showers." He grinned but I was starting to shake. Blood? Even a drop? Jesus.

"Now, go have a nice dinner, see a movie, look at the stars. I'll see you next week at your place."

He walked out and I looked at my wife.

"I want a cigarette," my newly non-smoking wife groaned and I hugged her tight. Hell, it wasn't like we weren't expecting this, ay?

LIZBETH

After our honeymoon, Kevin started that small project for John and I was lost. I walked the streets of Stowe and visited Riley often, but was feeling terribly useless overall. Finally she told me about the Clinic in Burlington and I jumped at the idea. The Burlington Cancer Clinic was in desperate need of councilors and cancer survivors to work with patients and I was qualified on all counts. I took the job, working three days a week and hating the hour drive, even worried about how treacherous it would get come winter. But I loved the work.

Without fanfare, we bought a beautiful piece of property on the other side of Mount Mansfield and began designing our new home. We never even talked about why we were staying in Vermont, we just were and I think Kevin put his house in New Hampshire on the market the same week I put the California mansion up for sale. We both had too much history together in Vermont to even consider leaving; too many good relationships and dear friends that filled our lives to walk away from. Kevin could and would get work anywhere in the country. He is an extraordinary project manager and design firms from everywhere were constantly calling.

It was my and Kevin's day off and you'd think we'd choose to spend it working on our own house ideas, but instead, we spent the day lounging in bed and making love. Our only plan was dinner out with John and Riley. We all love Old Maulder's, but John had called to make other arrangements. We were going to have dinner instead at an elegant mountaintop restaurant. My excitement dissipated the minute I realized why.

"She's going to be a bear," Kevin teased. "Trapped in that mess her place has become and alone with me most of the time."

"If she can't have John, she may as well have you, Kevin. I'll go over there when I'm off and help her with the paint and wallpaper choices. We'll pick baby furniture from catalogs and that way I'll get a good idea what she needs."

"Honey, we don't have to buy everything they need. Let someone else play godparents too."

"Oh, I'm planning a baby shower. Hopefully we'll have enough space in her suite to do it. Surprising her is now out of the question. When will you be finished with the room?"

"Week tops. New bay window goes in today. Some plaster work. Those fucking pocket doors were a bitch."

I smiled. Kevin loves a challenge and he was enjoying dealing with Riley through it all. I was sure they were becoming good friends and that made me very happy.

I dressed in a pretty blue dress and watched Kevin, from the corner of my eye while he chose a tie. Was he really trying to match my dress? How sweet.

We met them at the gondola and I watched how carefully John passed her through the doors and made sure she was comfortable on the bench.

"You look great," I said with a smile.

"So," Kevin said, also observing them across the gondola. "What's the occasion? Fancy smancy restaurant?"

I glared at him. Why would he ask that? We all knew it was going to be Riley's last night out. Sometimes men, even wonderful ones just have no common sense.

But John grinned, that sparkle in his eyes alerting us that there really was something to celebrate.

Inside we were seated at a window. Stars glittered in the moonless sky and the view of Stowe far below was spectacular; small and pristine, glowing in the streetlights. Finally, Riley with sparkling grape juice and the rest of us holding Champaign, John cleared his throat. He looked into Riley's eyes and I wanted to cry. The silent moment before he spoke was so touching; even Kevin took my hand in his with a tender squeeze.

"Today," John started. "One year ago I met you, baby. And I came alive that moment. You have brought me more joy . . . more trauma . . . and more happiness than I ever thought possible." He blinked back tears. "I love you, Riley. Thank you for your good heart, your friendship and your tolerance."

"That goes both ways," Riley reached for his neck and pulled him into a deep, loving kiss and Kevin tugged me close to his chest.

"Oh man," my husband said, running a finger under his own dry eye. "Are we all going to cry now?" But tough guy that he is, I could see his emotions right there on the surface.

Dinner was wonderful but Riley ate very little. When she needed the restroom I joined her, noting John's grateful nod as we left.

JOHN

"So now the hard stuff starts, huh?" Kevin asked.

I shrugged. Men don't really get into this kinda shit with each other. "Maybe. Maybe not. It's gonna be fine."

"Room will be done next week. You want me to do the finishing?"

"Yeah."

"How's Wigand working out?"

I looked at Kev. "Fine."

"John, it will be fine. She's going to be fine."

"Can you guarantee that? Can anyone? Even Conklin?"

"Have a few beers with me tomorrow night."

"Kevin, you're a good friend, man. But even you can't get me drunk enough to talk about this. Riley and I, we're just going to have to feel our way through it."

"Yeah. I know."

Finally the girls came back and all I wanted to do was end the evening. It wasn't like I could take her out dancing or something and the only movie theatre in town was showing Cinderella Man, not something I wanted to be reminded of, that I was the miraculous spawn of another man's imagination and talent.

I just wanted to take Riley home. To make love to her the way I did the first time. It felt the same to me; scary and driven, desperate and wanting. But this time it would be more tender. Not because I was afraid I'd hurt her, even though I was. It would be that way because that's how I felt about her. She is something to be cherished and adored, loved into comfort and calmed by how much I really love her. My hand wondered to her belly and the baby rolled gently under my palm. We'd had several chances to know if it was a girl or a boy but chose to wait. Jesus, I hoped that choice wasn't because we didn't want to be too attached should the worse happen. I hoped it was a boy, but already loved it if it was a girl. My heart begged the little thing turning and kicking under my hand to be gentle with its mother. To please, God sakes, be gentle with her.

RILEY

I can't say exactly how I felt as John walked into our suite with me. Trapped? Not quite. Scared? Always. I had a sense that either my life was over or just beginning. I stood in the middle of the living room and looked out at the mountain. Blessedly it was still summer-like weather and as long as John could handle carrying me out onto the deck, I could lie on the comfortable lounge chair and enjoy the warm days and autumn leaves. At least till deep fall brought its frigid chill. September. Almost October. Baby was due in late December, if we could all hold out that long. Odd, I didn't feel sick or unable. But I'd come to grips with the fact that I was.

In my mind, I had this image of a Japanese woman who'd had her feet bound since babyhood. With canes, she could move about. But without them, she was helpless. That was me. My canes were my drive and desire to succeed. My bound feet were my ego and self deprivation. It was time to give myself to this helplessness and embrace it. Learn from it.

I glanced around. I loved the suite almost as much as I loved the dilapidated old first floor we lived in for so long. If I was to be limited to those few rooms, I would be comfortable, happy, even content. But as I grew heavier and heavier, the fact was that I might be soon limited to the bedroom and the bedroom alone. A smile spread across my face.

John had been watching me closely. "What, baby?"

"Funny, isn't it? Since the moment I met you, all I ever wanted to do was be in your bed. With or without you, at least I'd have the scent of you."

He blinked with a sad smile. "I wish it was different, Riley. But this is the hand we were dealt, so I say we play it till we win." He took off his suit jacket and came to me, wrapping me in his arms; he held me tenderly and slowly danced us in a circle. His palms were hot through the fabric of my dress and I suddenly felt a memory. The memory of a dream I had as I floundered my way to asking for him a year ago. A dream where he touched me like I was a gift and I adored him with my whole being. Our first time together was crazy, clothes strewn from the front door to the bed, and all that time John's hands on me, caressing, loving, wanting.

His first words to me were . . . God sakes, Riley. I have been waiting fucking forever for you to ask.

Another lesson learned. Ask for what I want, what I'm worthy of. "John," I said, my head lying softly against his shoulder as we danced. "I'm asking for you. Forever."

"And I'm asking for you. Forever."

The world had changed. Now he could ask for me. Marry me. Have a family with me, God willing. He slowly danced me into the bedroom and took off my clothes, one piece at a time, our eyes never leaving the others. The baby rolled in my belly and I placed his hand there, smiled into his beautiful baby blues and let John lift me onto the bed. He knelt there as if in prayer and closed his eyes for a moment. John Biebe. So beautiful, so wonderful and honorable.

We'd talked so much over the past weeks, there were no more words, only sensations, feelings, touch. His hands were trembling as he slid them over my body, touring the new terrain gently, stopping at my swelling breasts, the tightening flesh over our baby. For the first time in a year I wasn't asking if it was really happening, if John loved me this much. I was accepting it, just as I'd accept the limitations to protect our child. I was in fact worthy of him and his love, and amazingly enough, I realized that he was worthy of me.

His mouth nestled between my thighs and I relaxed, feeling every tingle and sensation he was causing. How his tongue softened and stiffened, dove and swam. His fingers played but entered only an inch or two, just enough to feel the heat of my need for him, the moisture he was calling. So tender it made me want to cry, John positioned his cock and slid, inch by inch, so slowly I could feel every bump and vein as it moved into me. Connecting me to him, completing me. Whole.

I saw my life glide behind my closed eyes and the past slid away like so much dust or dry leaves on a breeze. There was only the future and whatever it held, it was enrobed in light.

"Don't let me hurt you, baby," he gasped as his thrusts intensified.

"You won't. Just love me John. Please, just love me."