JOHN

It's been a little over a month since Riles gave birth. Can't tell you enough how happy I am to be back in her life, living at the Inn with my little family. Yeah, still feeling pretty guilty about everything that happened but it looked like I'd been forgiven, felt like things would eventually get back to normal and we could just move ahead. Sometimes things aren't always the way they look and feel, ay?

Two weeks ago she started to gripe about her weight; standing in front of the bedroom mirror and whining about still having to wear maternity clothes.

I chuckled. "Baby, it takes a little time, that's all. You'll see, it'll just fall off. Nothing to worry about." I hugged her close. Already her belly was tightening, thanks to nursing little T. But she had an overall softness about her that I kinda liked; I just didn't know how to tell her. It's one of those subjects a guy will always get himself into hot water over, you know.

"I look like a blimp," was all she said and thus began an all new fucking routine. Three times a day for twenty minutes, Riley would leave the baby either with me or Natalie. She went out for a brisk walk along the trails on the property. A few times she'd leave the house with me when I'd jog. I'd slow to a trot or just walk beside her but I could hear the frustration in her every huff. I figured maybe she was better off doing this alone, so I altered my schedule to be back before breakfast. Don't know why I did that, maybe a little sacrifice on my part would have gone a long way. Maybe it would have been time for us to be together, flesh everything out, talk. All I wanted to do was get my fucking run over with and get on with my day.

Last week she announced that she wanted to start running, but that turned out way worse than I expected.

"I can't run!" she came in, tears in her eyes. Man, she was breaking my heart.

"Sweetheart, you don't have the stamina yet, that's all."

"Yes I do! It's these!" she pointed to her large breasts, even bigger now, all swollen full of mother's milk for the baby. Donna never nursed our boys. I've never really seen anything as sweet and touching as our son at Riley's breast … but I'm not stupid, I wasn't gonna tell her that.

"Give it a little time," was all I ventured.

"No, I'll buy a jogger's bra in town today, that's what I'll do."

Needless to say, that didn't work either. It's not like they make jogging bras for nursing mothers, so we were onto another avenue all together. She stated that she was going to start weaning T from the breast. I didn't voice my disappointment. Her boobs, right?

Riley is usually a rock when she makes a decision. Unwavering, steady, sure. Andy calls her Moolay, a mule, because of how fucking headstrong she can be. But this was different. I wasn't willing to reprimand her every time she gave in and offered our nuzzling son her nipple, but I wasn't about to leave this particular dilemma to fester either. Riles and me, we're not quiet where we used to be, you know. We're actually not listening to what the other one is really saying … I think we're both tuning in to what we're not saying … and that's bad. Real bad.

But you know me, I wanted to fix it … and I made a suggestion I might just regret the rest of my life.

Late that night I held her close. It was fucking great. I can't explain it, what it feels like holding someone you were sure you'd lost. We hadn't done more than hold each other since probably three weeks before she threw me out. Fuck, I wanted her, but this had to go on her time, not mine. I knew it was driving her nuts, not being able to control much of anything in her life at the moment.

I kissed the top of her head. "Hey, how about the gym?"

"Huh?"

Ah fuck, had I crossed that line? At that rate I just might end up on the sofa until I need Viagra. Cleared my throat and just plowed ahead.

"The gym. We can get in touch with Francine; see if she can fit you in. A few hours a day. Hard work, baby, but at least you won't be trying to run … just a suggestion."

She pulled from my arms and sat up and I squeezed my eyes closed, just waited for the yelling to start. It didn't.

"That's a great idea. I'll call her in the morning." She kissed my cheek and snuggled on her side of the bed, way over there. Damn.

RILEY

John was just being John, and loving him as much as I do; I just let him think he'd fixed the problem. Not really a problem, mind you. I'm not all that vain. I'm just … I don't know … kind of confused. I want an all new starting point. My marriage is precious to me, as precious as our new son. But the baby will grow and flourish with simple care and attention to his needs. I hadn't done that with my marriage for a very long time. I wanted a clean slate, a pretty body and clear head before we moved forward. Don't ask me why I thought that was a good place to start, I just thought it was.

Before John made the suggestion, I had already called the gym, already knew that Francine was unavailable but set up a schedule with one of her other trainers, Bobby Cru. He came highly recommended by some of the other post-delivery women in Stowe. He had a way about him that made them feel in control of their bodies and pretty during the whole sweat and grunt process. Bobby Cru was an artist with the battered new mother's body. He knew the tricks for tightening exactly what a woman wanted tightened, he knew the cream to make those stretch marks disappear, and he knew the words we want to hear. Needless to say, I took whatever appointment he had available … five-forty-five AM, Monday through Saturday. I could do it, right?

Don't ask me the reasoning behind my thought processes here. All I can say is that no one can ever know how John shattered my entire world with what he had almost done. After everything we'd been through, after making a conscious choice to walk away from a life that offered us all that freedom to be with each other only. Marriage, fidelity. And I know I was the one who pushed him over the edge. I was absolutely horrible; a raving lunatic, irritating, maddening … hormonal. Even John Biebe has his limits, God sakes.

He has his obsessions and I have mine. Now that I no longer micromanage the entire Inn, no longer ran events, sautéed, make stocks and sauces or bust suds, no longer run like a crazy person fifteen hours a day, I had to put that energy somewhere, right? It belonged with my marriage and my new family and I was positive I had the solution.

Poor John had been walking on eggs since he came back home. So had I. It was like we forgot how to communicate. But if my plan worked, within months things would be better than ever. See, I have a secret, and there is a method to my madness, I swear.

If we were going to start over … and it was damn obvious that we had to … I wanted it to
be perfect. I wanted to look like the woman he fell in love with back in that other world. Hell, I wanted to be her again. I never really regained my figure after losing our first baby. I know it doesn't matter to my husband. John's love goes far deeper than the surface and we were happy after recovering that loss. Contented. He never said a word about the extra rolls here and there and I just ignored them. This time it was different. This time I wanted to give him something special, make him realize how much he means to me.

The plan? Once my body is back to itself, I plan to ask John to marry me again. To have the wedding we never had, take the honeymoon we never took. Show him how much he is to me. After that, we could get back to the Inn and enjoy what we've created. Getting my body back to par would help put my mind into focus too. I'll finally feel like I can control my life again. Like I have something to offer John. Lord knows, he deserves it. I was going to do it if it killed me, dammit.

I'll admit, I was apprehensive the first morning I went to the gym. I sat in the lobby and watched Francine talk with her staff in the glass walled office. I yawned and rubbed my eyes, rolled my neck and sipped coffee, actually wondered if I could catch a nap before we got started.

"Riley! How're John and the baby?" Francine called as she left her office and came toward me. I stood, hoping to look less tired and smiled.

"Ah … good … sleeping I guess."

She grinned. "This is Bobby. Hope you're ready for his patented style of fitness boot camp. I'll leave you two to it. Give my best to John."

"Will do." Jesus, Francine is gorgeous. Not a ripple or imperfection on her body and I wondered how long it would take me to get like that. I turned just as Bobby snatched my full coffee travel mug and tossed it into the trash bin across the lobby. "Two points?" I squeaked.

"Two thousand points. No more coffee Mrs. Biebe," he grinned.

"Ever?"

"Ever. Let's go talk." He led me into the private workout room and settled me on a weight bench. Bobby sat on the floor and reviewed my information, flipping page after page on the clipboard. "You do realize," he said without looking up, "that you're already a beautiful woman, right?"

"Uh."

His eyes rose. "If you don't already know that, Mrs. Biebe, we're not going to find a beautiful woman under a few pounds of unwanted fat. Now," he dropped the clipboard onto the floor, leaned back on outstretched arms and asked again, his brow seriously curled. "Let's try this one more time. You do realize that you're already a beautiful woman, Riley … if I can call you Riley."

"Yes … to both. Call me Riley and I guess I am a beautiful woman who just doesn't feel like one right now."

He rolled his neck, a wicked grin brightening his face. "One more time, okay? You … do … realize - "

"I am a beautiful woman, Bobby. I am."

"Good, then we can get started."

It took exactly thirty seconds for me to understand why Bobby was so good with women. Why he was so sensitive to our particular insecurities and why he always said the right thing. Bobby Cru is gay as gay could be. But he's the kind of gay straight men don't notice. He's masculine, rugged; actually extremely handsome, not a pretty boy at all. No swishing there. Bobby and I were going to get along just fine … after I get over my caffeine addiction that is.

JOHN

The baby was crying up a storm and Nat and I were running around like fucking nut bags.

"What's wrong with him?" Natalie cuddled the squirming infant and walked the floor for her second hour. "Did I do something wrong? I changed him; Riley nursed him right before she left. Good God, what could be wrong?"

"Hey, hey, no panic here. They can sense it, you know." I teased and heated the bottle Riles had prepared before she left for the gym, recalling the process of how she achingly extracted the milk and stored it carefully in the refrigerator. She was fucking serious about this whole getting into shape thing. It sure wasn't a sacrifice Donna would have ever made … if she'd even thought to nurse our boys at all. I have a whole new respect for nursing mothers that's for sure. No part of Riley's life can go on without providing for baby T first.

"I am never, ever going to survive this, John," Nat groaned. "Not with two! There's no way."

"Gimme here," I took T from her arms and he reluctantly accepted the rubber nipple, spit it out then must have noticed his momma in the flavor and sucked the thing again. "See, just hungry. And he misses Riles, that's all." I sat in the rocking chair and prayed T would drift off to sleep. Nat was at the end of her rope and I had a ton of shit to do downstairs.

Music's grandson is great, but nowhere near the gardener the old man is. Brady was willing to work hard and learn though. So, we were like the blind leading the blind, working the autumn garden and hoping for the best.

My eyes drifted from the infant and onto Natalie. God sakes, Natalie. My dear friend. All the shit flying through my head came to a screeching halt. Poor Natalie.

She'd been alone at the Inn for almost a month. Granted Jack was arriving in a few days but she'd done her best to stay cool under all the craziness. She'd stepped up to help with T, had learned to diaper like a pro. Was even developing a sense of when the baby would wake or why he was agitated. She was getting good at it. This morning just threw us a bit, that's all. Riles would be gone longer than she had been so far, and she'd be doing it six days a week for a while. Nat happily offered her help; she's a trooper, that's for sure.

"You'll be fine, even with two."

She groaned again and slouched on the sofa. Her belly was growing, looked like she was already six months, actually. But then again, there were two in there. "I'm not so sure," she said. "Fine is a highly objective word, you know."

"Look, you'll have Jack here until the house is finished, then you'll have help. Don't sweat this stuff. Mothering is about love first. You've got the right kinda heart, Nat. You'll be fine … even with two."

RILEY

When I got home I took the baby from John's arms and headed for my bed, not even a word to either of them. Nat did say something like 'nice to see you too, Riles'. My body was going through some kind of shock. Bobby talked me through everything, actually made me want to push as hard as I did. Needless to say, he didn't inform me about what would happen the minute I stopped moving. That I'd melt into a quivering heap of aching agony. And I had to get up and do it again the next morning! Jesus, maybe this was going to kill me!

I lay beside my sleeping son and sighed before my eyes drooped and closed, escorting me into the deepest sleep I think I ever experienced. When my cell rang I was so startled, I almost jumped from the mattress. I answered as calmly as I could.

"Yes."

"Hey sweetie. How are you and the baby?"

It was Jeff Wigand and I can't tell you how happy I was to hear his voice. "We're great," I shuffled and sat up, careful not to disturb T. "How are you?"

"Good, good. I have some news, Riles."

Oh man, visions of sugar plums danced in my head. The image of Jeff finding the love of his life, wanting to plan the wedding, have it at the Inn complete with a royal wedding cake, flowers and a string quartette. I found myself actually praying he'd say June, as it was the soonest I could arrange the space for such an event. We were getting big time booked, heading into fall and winter with a vengeance. My imagination came to a screeching halt with his next statement.

"I retired, quit. Tired of all this traveling. Wondered if you can assist me with something."

"Anything." T whimpered and I put him to my breast as I listened to the resonance of Jeff's soft voice.

"Thought I'd start with a vacation. Want to see you and the baby, the family. I talked to Marla, told her I'd like to book a suite, but she says they're all taken. A room would work, Riley. Don't need much. I can stay somewhere else until one opens."

"When are you planning to be here?"

"Next Monday."

"We do have two suites; we just hold them back in case. And this is one of those situations. So, you have a suite next Monday. How long are you staying, Jeff?"

He was quiet. "Well, you're going into the big seasons, so I can limit it to a week."

"No! You'll stay as long as you like," I shuffled the baby from one breast to the other, dropped the phone and retrieved it quickly. " I'll block it off for a month at least. Where else do you have to be, right? You're a retired man. Oh, and Natalie's here. Jack will be coming this weekend. They're staying until their house is finished. Probably after the twins are born."

"Twins?" Jeff laughed. "Can't stay away from this family too long. Too much happens."

"Would you like John to pick you up from the airport Monday?"

"No, no. Renting a car. I'll see you around noon. Kiss that baby for me, Riley."

"Consider it done," I grinned and planted a kiss on T's fuzzy head then hung up.

JOHN

On Riley's fourth day at the gym, I had a few errands to run so I dropped her off. Finished my stuff early and went home to pick up T, thought it would be nice to show him off at the gym when I went back to pick up my wife.

I stood and watched through the glass wall. That trainer, Bobby Somethingorother, had apparently hired a belly dancer to work with Riles. The woman was dressed provocatively, her body swaying, the soft fabric of her costume sparkling with all the shiny metal thingies that hung from the ankles and hips. My little wife was struggling a bit. I saw the logic of what the trainer was doing. Riley's flexibility needed some attention or she'd be fighting her muscles the whole way if she didn't loosen up. She looked real cute, trying so hard like that.

When the belly dancer left the private workout room, she fussed over T and I played the proud pop.

"So beautiful! How old is he?"

"Almost six weeks, good little guy, this one," I chuckled.

"Oh, what's his name?" She let the baby grasp her finger tight but was careful to hold it from his mouth. I'm thinking my son is thinking about teething. Another not-so-fun stage.

"Terrence Nathan Biebe," I answered, bouncing him at my shoulder.

"Oh, little Terrence. You're mommy is going to be so beautiful," the woman said then walked away.

"Your mother is already beautiful," I grunted then turned to watch through the glass. Motherfucker! That Bobby had his hands on my wife's hips as she swayed them again and again. They were laughing and she was actually moving more and more fluidly under his touch. What the fuck!