RILEY

Sunday. Our quiet day. No workmen, no machines, no smell of diesel oil or sawdust. No Kevin, unless he called with some brilliant idea or terrible disaster. Just John, the dog and me. And of course the sultry invitation of the surprising warm April sunshine.

The spring was breathtaking. Cherry blossoms and daffodils defied the destructive construction site our entire property had become, and if you walked thirty paces toward the pond, and twenty paces north past the Bear's grave, all you could see was soft new green patches amidst a melting winter. Snow dissolved into sweet smelling earth, rich and fertile, ready for the summer. If you closed your eyes, you could actually hear the river rushing down the grade toward town. The melting runoff would cause some havoc down there, but it isn't something unexpected. Most of the children in Stowe looked forward to the slight spring flood. A cold front was sure to follow at least once, and there would be ice skating along Main Street. They call it the Spring Thaw Festival and it never has a scheduled date, Mother Nature decides, pretty much the same way she decides everything in Vermont.

The land was awakened with more than new life, crocuses and baby fawns. The Spirit of the land was at work and at play. John and I could feel it. It expanded the senses, accented purpose and enhanced love. If I didn't know better, I'd have sworn there were Cupids or flute-playing hoofed Pans frolicking in my woods.

But I was clearly aware of one thing. Grandpa Luke. He was gone, and he was there, big as a bear, strong as the spiritual human he was. I sensed his heart, sometimes thumping inside mine. But it was John who was truly feeling the departed shapeshifter. John who was having the dreams, talking in his sleep, speaking a language he didn't even know. But I understood him. Wondered. Were they lessons for John? Or messages for me?

Last night, John repeated a word over and over under his sleep breath.

Yutokecapica.

It's Lakota and it means, 'having the ability to change'.

I strolled with the dog, twirled a sprig of white blossoms in my fingers and watched Sophie snuffle the underbrush around the pond. I sat on a large rock, looked around, closed my eyes and listened. At first all I heard were Sophie's snorts then the playful birds far above in the blooming trees. I heard the soft breeze. My heart went deeper still.

As relaxation enveloped me, I heard the earth melt, sigh with relief as the warm sun pampered and kissed it. I heard the water of the pond press up against the last of its icy shell and whisper to me, I'm alive! I'm alive! Yutokecapica. I can change! Yutokecapica.

The earth, this ancient rock spinning through space that we cling to, walk our lives upon and manipulate to our liking can most definitely change. It can adapt. Adjust. Yutokecapica.

People change too. I lay back on the sun warmed rock and looked up at a sky so blue it defied April, proclaimed July with brilliant loud shouts, assaulting my eyes and pleasing my ears, bringing my heart into rhythm with its thundering race through time. Ahead. Toward change. But did I have what the earth around me possessed? Yutokecapica? The ability to change?

With a shocking jolt, tight ripping pain soared though my chest, pressed against my cheek. Remembered pain. Cutting agony poured from my flesh, from my heart. Remembered torture. Did I have the ability to change?

Yes. And I had.

Abuse is nothing simple. It tears and shatters every ounce of inner strength. For years I hid it, disguised it. I kept my terrible secrets, the ugly truth from everyone. Coming to this world was more than wonderful; it was life saving for me. John's love is and will always be the center of my universe. But still, I kept my secrets.

Yutokecapica. No one and nothing changes without help, assistance through the maze of trials and tribulations, terrifying memories and unnecessary learned behavior. We all need an anchor. John was my anchor. Was I his?

Ultimately, one heals oneself. Even with a helping hand, a person must stand alone eventually. Just as John had pressed and pushed his way through the injuries he'd sustained in the avalanche, to stand and walk and kick ass again on his own strength, so had I. But my changing was far more subtle.

Yutokecapica. Sometimes the ability to change, and whether one has a choice or not are two completely different things. But I couldn't think about that. I wouldn't, and something inside me niggled, irritated my deepest thoughts like a pebble in my shoe, demanded change. I just couldn't identify or verbalize what that change was.

"Hey, baby." I sat up to see John walking toward me, he leaned down to pet Sophie who relished the fact that he can do that again. Bend and pet her. He sat beside me on the rock, propped his braced leg up and I leaned against his shoulder. "Beautiful day, ay?"

"Uh huh." I watched the dog lounge in the sun on a patch of grass almost completely surrounded by fading snow and grinned. Even Soph wanted to believe that spring was really with us.

"Look!" John whispered, pointing to the edge of the melting lake where a doe and her tiny fawn tentatively approached the cold water. Sophie's ears perked but she never moved a muscle, as though she knew it would disturb something John and I were enjoying so much.

Family. My heart ached. Family.

"John?" My fingers intertwined with his as we watched the doe protectively lead her wobbly offspring back into the cover of forest.

His face nuzzled into my neck. "Yeah?"

"Do you miss your family?"

"Ahh," he rose his good knee and tugged me to snuggle close against him, arms tight and protective. "Baby, I'm willing to answer your question, but I'd just like to know something. Why are you asking?"

I shrugged. "Don't know. I guess I was just thinking about family, ya know."

"Are you missing yours?"

"What family?" I grumbled, remembering how alone I'd always been, how afraid and separated from everyone I knew. John's hug intensified.

"I'm sorry, baby. But that's not what I remember about my life before coming here, to this world. No, it wasn't perfect. Donna and I weren't the best match, but it wasn't all bad either." He groaned a long sigh, brushed his lips across my cheek. "It's my boys I miss, Riles."

"John," I whispered, my throat tight with emotion. "Things happened to me before. I couldn't have children. But being with you, loving you, knowing you the way I do, sometimes I really regret that we can't, you know - "

"What?" He grunted. "Procreate? Things here are complicated enough in the Game without worrying about finding babysitters who won't ask questions." His chuckle rumbled mirthlessly through his chest. John was pushing it. And I knew it.

"I just want you to know, I wish I could give you children."

He was silent. I could almost feel his heart travel far away; to Mystery, to a pond where he watched his boys skate and laugh.

"How do you keep them close, John?"

"Well," he turned me to face him. "Long time ago, before I even went to college, I had my palm read. Ever done that? It's kinda fun."

I nodded.

He held his hand out, showed me the area at the side, just below the bottom pinky joint. "There, see that? Those three lines. Those are my boys. And ya wanna know something else?"

"Sure."

"I'm not the only one holding them in the palm of my hand." He took my hand in his and I began to protest.

"John, I've had my palm read too. And it says clearly, no children."

With a grin that lit his face, he fingered my pinky finger, turned my hand for me to see. "I noticed this the first time I kissed your hand, Riley. The day we met. See."

And there, where the flesh had always been smooth, devoid of children, of the love and possibility of shared joy, clearly were three distinct lines. "Oh, my God!"

"See baby, we're both holding them," John kissed my forehead then hugged me close. "You are my family. And you hold my heart together with those three little lines in your palm. So no, I don't miss my family. I got my family right here."

***

Sunday again. This one quite different. It had snowed for two days, a wet, miserable not sure if it's spring or winter kind of snow that makes everyone and everything uncomfortable. Our private suite on the top floor of the right tower had been under construction and was finally completely private with a door and a lock and everything! The gas fireplace was hooked up, so we were sleeping up there for a little peace and solitude. By the end of the week, the furnaces would be in working order and the right tower completely enclosed. That meant the interior was next. There goes our privacy . . . again.

The left tower was moving along quickly as well, all nine suites were already roughed out and the opened spaces looked like a forest of two by fours. The top floor walls had been refinished, the plaster and dry wall smooth. The west wall of rotted wooden windowed doors had been replaced with beautiful new French doors. Standing there, watching the changing mountain I could imagine the floor covered in a soft sand colored carpet, the walls pale gold, the red cushioned seat built all around, and the positive energy of contentment the room was always meant to radiate.

Everything was moving right on schedule, against all odds, literally. The only thing that hadn't gone astray in all the planning and building was the wonderful funding provided by the Temple to bankroll our project. We'd been careful, but also very committed to creating the prefect Inn, something unique and wonderful, a real destination. We hadn't cut any corners but we hadn't been overly extravagant either. I remembered sitting at my computer back in Pittsburgh not so long ago and dreaming over a business plan I was sure would never happen. And as remarkable as a world where John Biebe lives and breaths and loves me is, it seemed even more amazing that we were building my dream . . . our dream. Together.

I ran my fingers over the unpainted frames of the pretty doors inset with beveled glass and glanced around. The room was open and beautiful but hard to explain, especially to our financial managers who saw it as a waste of profitable space. The room was a place to ponder and pray, to wonder and think and plan. The day John gave me the keys to the crumbling old mansion; we made love in that room. In the center of our new universe. I was so incredibly grateful to him. To Grandpa Luke for saving John's life. So grateful for so many things.

So why was I so sad?

Rinngggg!

I ignored my cell phone, chiming from deep in my sweater pocket. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I thumped my butt on the floor and examined the ragged rocky peak of Mount Mansfield through the clear new windows. The beak of our mountain, our protector and teacher of hard lessons. A solid massive stone eagle who watches over us and never let us forget how precious our lives are.

Our world was about so many lives, intertwined yet very separate. It was the separateness of things that I was finding my comfort in that day. The simplicity of the illusion that was John's and my life. How strange to discover that this illusion was the core of everything and made my perspective so worrisome. It represented what we in our world just don't do, but it made my heart beat regularly. Since the accident, I wanted only John. Hell, the truth is that John was all I ever wanted. There's a strange dichotomy in our world. One that had begun to stretch the limits of my logic with every day I spent alone with him. Me. The tart of all tarts had no interest in pressing my flesh against anyone but the man I loved most. Was I growing up? No longer interested in games?

And then, there was the other man. It's a world were we love and are loved. Where we can have it all. I huffed with disgust. What if I already had it all? But after John began healing so beautifully, he pressed the edges of an envelope I hadn't realized I'd created. Boundaries I'd formed and adopted as my new found reality. A reality that made far more sense to my heart than the one expected. He asked, no cajoled . . . no, to be honest, John adamantly requested that I step out and once again get into the Game.

And he sent me off to have a nice, relaxing visit with Jeff Wigand. How was I to know what lay ahead? That falling in love (even in a place where I had so much love I didn't know what to do with it all), was not only still possible, it was dangerously probable. But how could it be? Even in this world, can you really, I mean really be in love more than one man? Have it easy and free and comfortable? For everyone concerned? It was dangerous, reckless and selfish and had no place in my new found belief system. No one can simply have it all. But I went and fell in love with another man.

I guess those possibilities exist in any world, but in the other place, it would have proven disastrous. Truth be told, in my own bed, it had proven nearly devastating.

Rinngggg!

I fingered the phone, pushed the 'hang-up' button without even taking the thing out of my pocket and sighed, noting the green speckled, once pristine ski surfaces, denying the falling snow access to its newly claimed territory. I wondered about the north face, where John was lost, just out of view. Wondered if the hours Max and I prayed from that very spot on the floor had any effect on the search for John, or if it just helped to comfort us. I know all eyes were on the mountain those horrible days of waiting. I know most of the Brothers and Sisters can hardly believe how much we still love the mountain. Even after everything that had happened. We still loved it.

The mountain, the Inn and John. That was completion and no one had a right to more than that. In the old world, I'd have had to make a choice. Odd that in this world where I wasn't forced to choose, I wanted to. No, actually, I needed to. I rubbed my eyes and thought of Jeff.

Rinngggg!

Damn! Again I hit the 'leave me the fuck alone' button.

My mom always told me that the heart wants what the heart wants. It thrives on the desire and survives on the truths. My truths were becoming obsessions. And that moment, sitting on the floor in that very special space and drawing an infinity symbol in the dust with my finger, I made a decision. A final, clear truth recognized. I was finished with the Game. I would no longer play.

Since I'd arrived and John became my Number One, he had been telling me that the Game was how we lived our lives, how it all worked. That we couldn't survive without it. He said that he loved it, but how many visits had John actually been on in that year? Two? Three? Did he really love it? And if he did, I would learn to tolerate it for his sake. As for me . . .

Rinnggggg!

This time I glanced at the phone, squeezed my eyes tight and flipped it opened. "Hey, Doc," I answered.

"Where you been, sweetie?"

"Right here, ignoring the phone. Sorry," I sighed.

"You don't want to talk? I can call later."

"Of course I want to talk. It's just that . . . well . . . I don't want to talk, you know?"

"What's wrong, honey?" I listened to him softly groan and imagined him rubbing his eyes, dropping his glasses on his lap. Working too hard as usual, his poor beautiful blue eyes burning and red.

"Nothing. I was just thinking about . . . stuff."

"What stuff?" Jeff always played the game beautifully, saying the words in a perfect sing song rhythm with mine and I grinned sadly.

"Can I ask you a question?" I ventured.

"Shoot."

I took several deep breaths and braced myself. "Jeff, what would you say if I told you . . . it's over?"

Silence, then I heard him clear his throat. "Sweetie, are you saying we're over?"

"I'm so sorry Jeff, but I just can't do this anymore. Do you realize that it breaks John's heart every time I see you? I . . . this . . . can't go on. He's too important. Jeff, he's everything." I wiped a tear away.

He was silent for a long moment. "The last thing I ever wanted was to hurt you or to make you unhappy."

My heart dropped. At least he didn't give me the standard ah, get over it, it's the Game crap. And I started to wonder. Maybe it actually was possible that I was in love with him, because I was already feeling the loss, the sensation of him moving away from me. Heartache obviously exists in all worlds.

"Are you okay?" I asked with a quiet sniffle.

"I'll be fine, sweetheart. Just fine."

"I don't know if this will make it seem better, but Jeff, I won't be seeing anyone anymore."

"So," another uncomfortable clearing of his throat. "We've all lost you."

"Jeff, I think I've just changed. And to be honest, I don't think anyone but John ever had me. After everything that's happened, it just seems foolish to be playing a game, you know."

He was quiet and I wondered what he was thinking. If he'd hate me for this.

"Goodbye, Jeff."

"Goodbye, honey. I love you. I'll always love you."

I hung up. I couldn't bear to say another word.

I turned to see John leaning against the doorjamb listening. Eavesdropping had become a family trait in the Biebe household. His face was pale and his mouth had dropped.

"I'm sorry, John."

"Baby, we need to talk."

***

We sat in our suite, drinking coffee and trying to talk. Well, I was trying to talk and John was trying to listen. There was a strange agitation about him that I couldn't identify. But I was clear in my conviction and well prepared to stand my ground.

"So, are you saying you're leaving, baby? Going back through your portal?"

I nearly choke on a gulp and coughed several times. He sat still, on his side of the table, completely unreadable.

"No! Absolutely not. John. I'm not leaving you! I'm just not going to play the Game anymore. Why is this such a big deal? Lots of Sisters almost never ask for visits. What does it matter if I don't?"

"Have I disappointed you, Riles?"

Were his hands actually shaking? God I would have given anything to know what was going on in his head.

"Never, John."

"Has the Game disappointed you?"

I thought hard on that. "I don't think so. I don't know. I mean, in the beginning it was fun. Exciting. And it seemed as though every visit was helping me to acclimate. To heal from my past. But now, I don't know. Maybe it has disappointed me a little. I mean," I leaned closer and whispered, as though someone might hear and a bolt of lightening might shoot through the roof and hit me. "John, it doesn't work."

"It doesn't?"

I stood, started to pace. John always said he loved the Game. Was I ruining it all for him?

"Listen," I said. "Maybe a better way to say it is that it doesn't work for me. Not anymore. I think I've just changed. I don't know. I understand that you love this Game, John. Everyone knows you love it. And I know that you believe that it's the only way to live our lives. But baby," I stopped and knelt at his feet, his beautiful baby blues focused on my face, searching for something. All I could do is shake my head. "Will it really be a terrible thing for you if I stop playing? Stop sleeping with Doc or Colin or Terry or Bud or - "

"All right, all right, all right."

"I'm so sorry if I've let you down. John, I know you wanted me to be a part of this all. And I understand that you don't want to quit. And . . . that's okay. I'll deal. I don't want you to feel like you have to stop just because - "

"Enough." He took my arms in his hands and shook gently. His brows were curled with concern but his voice was gentle. "Enough Riles. Can you stop talking now? It's my turn."

I nodded and went to my chair, stirred my already stirred coffee and waited . . . and waited . . . and prayed. He was so silent I could hear my heart beat.

"Yutokecapica," I finally said softly.

"What?" I could see his brain clicking, remembering that word from his own dreams. "What does it mean?"

"The ability to change." I felt like crying. "I've changed. Will this ruin us? Because I can't go back to this Game you love so much. I can't play anymore. I won't open my legs for another man. Ever."

His hand reached over and grasped mine. "First of all Riley, I do not love this Game. I fucking hate it. It pushes every fucking button in my brain. My jealousy, my anger. My insecurities. Baby I never even liked this Game."

"Then why did you always tell me - "

"Fear?" He shrugged. "Riles, when I found you I was terrified, I mean you were everything I wanted, everything I needed, but you came here. Why does any woman come here? I figured you came because you wanted it all. Because you wanted us all. I wasn't about to fucking lose you because it bothered me. God sakes, I've made it tough enough on you, giving you a hard time over your relationships with Lachlan, Doc, well all of them."

"Wait," I was looking at him like I'd never seen him before, blinking like a lunatic. "You don't love this Game? Then why did you - "

"Can't you see?" He groaned. "I wasn't gonna risk losing you, no way, no how!"

"But. But."

"All right. So I wasn't completely honest. Crucify me fore trying to keep you as mine. I just figured if you kept coming back to me, it was okay."

"And what about telling me that this Game was the only way we could be together? Is that true?"

"No."

"No?"

"No."

"But if you hate the Game, what about your relationships with Natalie and Darcy?"

He rubbed his eyes till they were red. "Jesus, Riles. What the fuck was I supposed to do when you were gone? I needed some comfort too. But baby," now he was kneeling at my feet. "I miss you so much when you're gone I fucking die a little, every fucking time you leave."

"So why did you send me?" I could see it in his eyes; he knew I was talking about Doc.

"'Cause I'm a fucking jackass." His head lay on my knee and my hand went into his hair.

"Now what do we do?"

"Simple. Marry me."

I actually laughed. Everyone knows you don't get married in our world. "Yeah, right."

"Marry me."

"Won't we get banished or something? Won't we be thrown back into our own portals never to be heard from again? Won't I lose you forever?" I couldn't hold back the tears.

"No. Marry me. It's all I ever wanted with you."

"But."

"Marry me."

"John, how would that work?"

"The way it always worked. It's called fidelity. Marry me, baby."

I blinked.

He looked into my eyes. "It'll change everything, Riles. I mean, we'll probably be alone from now on. The Family won't wanna have anything to do with us. Can you deal with that?"

I wasn't sure. But I wanted to find out. "Ask me again," I grinned, my face wet and his moving closer. His lips sucked mine.

"Marry me, Riley."

"Yes."

JOHN

Ain't it always like that? Just when you completely give up, decided you got all your gonna get, everything, and I mean every-fucking-thing changes. And God knows I certainly didn't deserve what was about to come my way. I'd been a class-A prick where the Game had been concerned. Been as good a Number One as I could be, but me, like always, I fucking wanted more. I showed her my temper back when we lived in Pittsburgh, picking a fight with the ex-husband bastard, the monster who beat her and hurt her and still controlled her in some ways. Needless to say, I didn't like that at all. Then I showed her my jealousy after the Auction when our private argument became something Lachlan thought he should jump into. I understand it took a good few weeks for some of his miseries to heal. I wasn't proud, it's just who I am. I don't do jealousy well. That letter-writing, Aussie fucker should have never threatened to take her from me. Yeah, yeah. I see where he was going with that, it just wasn't a very intelligent tactic on his part. Hence the broken nose.

I showed her my selfishness when I left for the mountain and got myself buried in the snow, never thinking about the worse that could happen, about what almost did happen. And there are a hundred other things I'd done wrong, but I thought where the Game was concerned, I was doing the right thing. I thought it was what she wanted; that my being 'okay' with things would at least keep my status as her Number One. Talk about a curve ball!

But I guess I shouldn't be surprised. I'd been having dreams, night after night for months, ever since the accident. Dreams where I sit with Grandpa Luke and he talks to me. Some things he says I remember, most things I don't. But he was telling me a lot lately that something was gonna change. Hell if I'd have ever guessed this.

If I was a methodical, manipulative man, I couldn't have planned this better. I mean, I'd reached the limit. I thought I was emptied when she told me she'd fallen in love with that old fuck. Wigand, God sakes! I thought that was a safe place to send her. Wasn't like I was chancing somebody she really adored. Jeeze, I should have been paying better attention. And she did have a few points.

I was pushing her. And I had told her from day one that I loved the Game. Hell, I thought I was supposed to love it, that maybe if I said it enough, I would, ay? But what I loved were a few special Sisters. Not all of them. And it didn't always require sex for me to find comfort when Riley was gone. Even in this world, we do keep a few secrets, and guess what. The raging orgy is not the truth of it all, and sex is not always required.

Looking into Riley's eyes after she'd said yes, I was reminded of all the things I hadn't told her. Things I should have maybe trusted myself to let her in on. I might have had a clue that we were on the same page months ago if I had.

Number one, I never lied about the Game's control over our lives, but I did manage to side step the full truth. Yes, rules are rules, but loopholes are always built in to those rules. History will always repeat itself, and this wouldn't be the first time people have just . . . disappeared.

Disappeared? Get real. They didn't vanish into thin air, they withdrew. Took their keyboards and went where they could live their lives the way they felt they wanted to. It was an out. I just thought getting out like that might never be something Riley would want.

Number two, I wasn't honest by omission. Lemme explain. If I'd told her everything, as a new Sister, she'd have probably run like hell or worse yet, knowing her tendencies to focus her attention on our lives together, she might have tried to stretch the limits too fast. I also never told her what I wanted. Seems like a little thing, but, there you go.

And finally, number three, I wasn't certain I was ready to make her face the discomfort and loss that was sure to come our way. I wasn't sure she was strong enough. I wasn't sure I had the balls to even tell her about that part. Hell, I thought she'd never consider the good stuff if she knew what she'd lose. Sisters had already walked away from one life in a world they were used to and built for, and all to come to this world. Was Riley ready to face yet another new world of our own making? And would I be the one she'd be willing to face that with? I was a fucking coward. Plain and simple.

Then this morning, I had this odd need to go up to that left tower, pretending I was checking on the work done over the past week. I knew things were going as planned with the construction. It was my heart that felt like it was de-constructing. I was thinking about that room up there, how good it feels to just think in there. I should've left when I saw Riles there, especially when I could tell by the soft sound of her voice that she was talking to Wigand. I just couldn't walk away. It fucking hurts so much, knowing she loves him so damn much. Feeling like I might lose her to him always breaks me up. Should have left, but I didn't. I stood there and listened.

And boy, did I get the surprise of my life. She was ending it with him. Wanting to end it with all of them. She said I was the only one who really had her. My heart almost exploded! My baby wasn't only ready, she was blazing the trail. But first, we had to face the bad stuff.

Kneeling there at her knees, her fingers in my hand, I toyed with the gold ring she'd been wearing since Christmas. A kind of promise ring I guess, making us Number Ones forever, but I never believed it was possible. I wanted marriage. I'm a marriage kinda guy. Always have been. So I asked her, and she said yes.

I stood and went back to my chair across the table. If I was touching her, I'd never get through this and I knew it.

"All right, Riley. Now we need to talk and talk a lot."

She nodded, wiped tears from her face and sighed. "Ready."

"First off, you need to understand that getting married will have drastic repercussions and we need to consider all of them first."

"You giving me an out, Biebe?" She teased with a twinkle in her eye.

"Maybe. I just want you to understand everything. No surprises, no punches held back, all of it."

"Go on."

"Like I said, the Family will probably want to have nothing to do with us. On one hand, that's a good thing I guess. I won't have to go when asked for anymore, ay?" I tried to grin.

"Exactly. But John, what do you mean by 'nothing to do with us'?"

"Just that, baby. See, we're gonna be breaking a cardinal rule, but we're not leaving, not finding another world to live in or being tossed into a different place. All that shit would mean a great possibility of losing each other, and I'm not willing to take that chance."

"Right, neither am I."

"Granted, we're not messing with the powers that be, so if we do this right, 'in a good way' like you always say, we might be fine. I'm just not sure about how."

"But most of them will still talk to us, right? We are Family."

I just watched her eyes, waited till it sunk in.

"Oh. I think I understand."

"Can you handle that? No more holiday get-togethers, no more Family vacations."

With a deep sigh, she nodded.

"And, no more visits."

"Well Christ, John. If we're married, that's a given."

"That means no more Terry. No more Bud or Max. Cancelling your trip with Lachlan, if he doesn't do it first. No more seeing Cort or having fun times with Colin. Ever. Are you sure . . . really, really sure you can do this?"

"Yes." Damn, she said it fast and with strong conviction. My baby's been thinking a long time about this. "But won't we be able to spend couples time with them? I mean, we've often gotten together with Brothers and Sisters and there was no . . . you know."

"Riles, you gotta understand clearly what we're doing here. Personally, I'll be amazed if any of them ever talk to us again."

"What about Andy and Monna? They live here. Work here."

"I just want you to be prepared, baby. They may not want to be anywhere near us."

"Christ, we're not the plague." She stood and refilled our cups. "I'm having a hard time believing that people who've proclaimed their undying love and commitment would just . . ."

"It's about the Game, Riles. Not really personal. They'd have to decide. But they might decide to write us off, baby. I'm just trying to prepare you."

"Well hell, we all talk about this kind of thing, this exclusivity topic is not a new one."

"Has anyone done it? Have they done it here? They might have played at it, Sisters not asking for visits or Brothers trying to find ways to get out of leaving for one. Couples wearing these pretend wedding rings. But think about it, has anyone actually done this?"

She thought a minute. "No."

I rubbed my eyes, groaned. "There's more."

"More?"

"Yeah. The Temple funding. Honey, you need to understand, there's a good chance we could lose it." This was the hardest blow and I knew she'd struggle with it. She did. Standing up, sitting back down, pacing, wringing her hands and finally staring out the window at her beloved mountain. I went to her, held her tight from behind.

"Would they be that vindictive?"

"I don't know, just trying to prepare you for the worst, the fact that we might lose everything."

"Not everything," and she turned in my arms. "We'll have each other. We can do this. I had a good business plan, John. We'll go to the banks. And if they won't finance us, we'll sell, pay back the Temple and do something else."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. I'm totally sure," but tears shined in her eyes. "Can I make one request?"

I chuckled, cuddled her close. "Yeah, request away."

"Can we get Natalie and Colin here? I want them to stand for us when we do it. I need to see their faces."

"They might not come."

"They will if they don't know why they're here."

"Riley," I held her at arm's length. "How are you gonna feel if this goes badly? If they - "

"I'll deal with it. But I want them to be here. We'll tell no one until it's over."

Man, I didn't want her to be hurt, not on the day she marries me, God sakes. But I nodded agreement and we called, teasing them that if they didn't get to Vermont by four on Friday, they'd miss the surprise of a lifetime. That was a bit of an understatement, but Nat was flying them in on Friday morning, leaving at the butt-crack of dawn to make it on time.

***

Blood tests were easy to get. I had a physical scheduled the very next day and Riles just joined me, rolled up her sleeve and asked for one too.

We waited till the last possible moment to get the license and shocked the hell out of Martha Jean at the courthouse office.

"I thought you two were already married!"

"Well," I grinned, handing over our test results and hugging Riles close. "That was a secret, and so is this." I put my finger to my lips and she giggled. That should keep her quiet.

We ached over Colin and Natalie's arrival, stressed that at least one guest room had to be finished and pushed the crew for results. Riley bought furniture for it, too frazzled to think about paint or wallpaper. We both avoided Andy and Monna like a disease and tried our damn best to look like nothing was up.

Friday morning, there was a knock on our suite door, could hardly hear it over the construction ruckus outside the windows. Riley tossed on a robe and answered it.

"G'day Riles, we gotta talk to you." It was Andy with his sweet Number One under his arm and a distressed look all over their faces.

My first thought was that Martha Jean had let the cat out of the bag. We all sat in the living room like a bunch of criminals, looking at everything but each other until Andy finally spoke.

"Ah," he cleared his throat. "Riles, I really hate to do this to you, but Monica and I have had an incredible offer."

"An offer?"

"Yes," Monica said. "In Paris."

"Paris?" Riles and I said together in disbelief.

"Yeah," Andy was trying not to smile. "What you're creating here has made news everywhere. Monna has so many bonzer contacts, chefs from all over the fuckin' world. And one just called us. Made the offer of a lifetime."

"But," Monna glanced at Andy for encouragement. "We don't want to take it if you need us here. We love it here and don't really want to leave. But Paris. Jeese, Riley. I just don't know what to do."

I looked at Riles. She was speechless, so I did the talking.

"You two are young, extremely talented chefs. God sakes, you'd be nuts not to take this. I think I speak for both of us when I say it's fucking heartbreaking to think of losing you. But," I shrugged. "You need to take a real serious look at the offer, what it can do for your careers."

Monna nodded and wiped a tear from her cheek. "You were right, Andy. They were no help at all," and she chuckled. "You do realize that leaving here was the last thing I ever thought we'd do, John."

"Yeah, I know. But ya gotta do what's best for you guys." And, I realized, that job offer couldn't have come at a better time, ay?

"Moolay," Andy slid to sit tight against Riles. "We're not sure about it. We still may not take it, but . . . if we do . . . we're not gonna leave ya high and dry. We'll get replacements and train them. You're gonna open on time with a top notch kitchen staff, no matter what."

She nodded, trying not to cry. Damn, I wanted to cry for her.

"So it's already starting, isn't it?" She said after they left.

"Maybe." I didn't know what else to say. Life had a way of making sure you suffer for the things you want most. Making sure you know the value of those things. "Maybe."

RILEY

We were prepared for the worse and trying to look like nothing at all was happening. We drove silently to the private airport to meet our guests. It seemed for a moment like the getting married part was less important than the look on their faces when they realized what we were doing. And that did not sit well with me.

"Mother fucking! Goddammit! Shit, shit, shit!" I stomped my feet and shouted, standing at the door as Natalie's little Cessna slowed into position on the tarmac.

"Dito," was all John said then waved to Colin as he helped Nat out.

I turned quickly to John. "You and I are getting married today, and fuck if I care about anything else. I love you so much!" I leapt into his arms as Colin opened the door.

"Get a room," he teased. Then I turned and hugged my friend and his beautiful Number One.

"Let's go!" I giggled.

"Gonna tell us what's up?" Colin asked from the back seat, Nat smiling and snuggled against him.

"Nope," John looked into my eyes and grinned. "It's a surprise."

We parked in front of the court house and all walked inside like any happy family heading for a happy event. As the magistrate stood in his black robe and leafed through his book, John and I standing in front of him and Natalie looking as though she'd finally figured it out, Colin just grunted.

"What the fuck, Hockey Puck?" He chimed with a giggle. "Looks like your tyin' the knot or somethin'."

"They are, silly. Now quiet!" Natalie hissed and I turned a worried look at them. Nat was smiling through glistening eyes and Colin, well Colin looked like someone had just hit him with a crow bar.

We stood there, John and I in our jeans and flannel shirts, no flowers, the same rings we'd been using to pretend marriage for months, and we did it. It was amazing, beautiful, extraordinary, and I was never so happy in my life. John looked nervous, repeating the words that would forever bind him and his heart to me. I tried to commit every moment of it to memory, how our hands shook when we slid rings on each other's finger, the luscious first kiss as man and wife. Then suddenly it was over.

"I present Mr. And Mrs. John Biebe," said the judge and John and I hugged and cried till we could finally talk again. We turned to Nat and Colin.

"Are ya fuckin' nuts?" Was all Colin said before walking out.

"Don't worry about him. I need to kiss the groom." Nat reached up and gave John the softest kiss then she turned and squealed. "Riley! I'm so happy for you!"

"I better go find him," John finally said and after pecking a kiss on my cheek, left.

JOHN

I found Colin stomping a pace and smoking like a chimney in front of the courthouse. I just sat down one of the steps and waited.

"What've ya done, John?" He finally sat beside me, shaking his head and lighting another cigarette.

I cleared my throat. "Changed everything. But we did what we wanted, what we needed, Colin. It's marriage, not the end of the world, buddy."

"You sure 'bout that, mate? Who else knows about this?"

"No one yet. Just you and Natalie."

"Fuck!" He shuffled on the step, groaned. "Fuck." He repeated quietly. "Not sure what makes me more mental. The getting married part, or what you two are gonna face now that you've done it."

"Or not sleeping with Riles anymore, ay?"

"Well, yeah. You did kinda take her off the market, didn't ya?" And finally he grinned. "Can't believe you had the balls to do this."

I laughed. "Well, I did. Don't worry about us. We're gonna be fine."

"Fuck all, I sure hope so."

The girls had joined us and I took my bride into an embrace I didn't think was appropriate on the street, considering the fact that Stowe was a pretty conservative place. Ask me if I gave a fuck? I didn't.

***

Later that night, sitting in our suite with them, we talked about everything. It was tough, but had to be done.

"I understand you two may not want to spend any time around us anymore, and we're okay with that." I said after handing Col a beer.

"Don't think we can do that." He grunted. "It's the keeping my hands off Riley part I'm most concerned with, though. You two got married. Married. Shit." He looked at Riley. "I still feel it, darlin'. That pull. It's still so fuckin' strong."

"But," interrupted Natalie. "We're adults here."

Colin laughed. "Yeah. Sure. The pull got nothin' to do with being adults, Nat. They got married. Married!"

We all broke into laughter. "That's what's really bothering you, isn't it Col." Riley teased. "Marriage is like a bad word to you."

He shrugged then nodded.

"We support you, no matter what. You did what your heart wanted. I'm proud of you." Natalie was so beautiful, so good.

"I know we've put you into a tough position, and it's up to you to do what you want with what you know." I was looking at my ring. "Whatever you do or say is fine. We're not keeping it all a secret; we're just not making it a big deal just yet."

"We need to cover our butts, Col," added Riles. "Talk with banks and see if we can get financing to finish this place. But whatever is going to happen is going to happen and we're ready for it."

DINO
DALLAS, TEXAS, 4:35 PM

Terry and I were sitting in his office closing out the week's paperwork when the lights started to flicker. Another Texas storm? Worse than that. With a flash and crackling sound of shattering glass, who fucking appears but his demented self, SID.

"Hola Brothers!" He stood in the middle of the big office wearing a massive sombraro and holding what looked like a Margarita. The drink looked good, he didn't.

"What!" Terry wasn't feeling hospitable, fuck, he never was when that bastard showed up. But on a Friday, when all he wanted to do was to finish up and get his ass home to his woman? Now that was no time for this kind of shit.

"What? What? No happy hellos? No 'nice to see you, SID'? I'm devastated." He thumped down into a chair, straightened his huge, stupid hat and glared at us. "And I come bearing wonderful news too."

"What news?" Terry had gone on full alert. Fuck, no news from SID could be good. The best news from or about SID was no news at all.

SID sighed, almost looked human there for a minute. Then he tugged a document from his purple pocket. "I have here something you need to know. Something you need to do something about," and he glared right at me. I stood and grabbed the papers from his hand.

"Thanks. Now get the fuck out, hermano."

"Well, my work here is done." He stood and walked to the big window, looked out for a moment then turned to me. "Do your part well, Brother. Or you'll be seeing a lot more of me."

Snap. He was gone. I sat and glanced at the document, flipped to the second page and sighed.

"Terry, this is nothing to worry about. I can finish here. Get your luggage and go home."

Terry had been out of the country all week. I could see him itching to leave, but twitching to see what was in my hands too.

"What the fuck is it, mate?"

"My problem, Tio. Not yours. Go home." I gave him a look; he knew I'd just given him the only answer he was going to get. He finally grunted and gathered his bags.

"Careful, Dino. Nothing that fuck does is on the up and up, ya know. I'll see ya Monday."

RILEY

Nat and Colin left on Saturday. John gathered everything he could find on our finances and the expenses still required.

"If, and I repeat if we can keep our marriage quiet, I'm thinking we can get what we can straightened out before all hell breaks loose," he said sitting at the table, a mountain of books and paperwork in front of him.

I sat with my coffee and sighed.

"The way I figure it, Monday we can go to New York, start with our bank and just go to every bank we can find before we give up. We can use the part female-owned angle, that might help us with a business grant then just get as many loans as our credit and the financial world will allow. I'm thinking that if we're very lucky, we can finish this place and pay off the Temple. Least, that's what I'm hoping. After that, it's up to the business Gods, ay?"

He tugged my original business plan from the pile. "Talk to Monna and see if you can gather every bit of press we've had since this all started, that might be worth something to the bankers. I'll be at this till the minute we leave. Make the plane and hotel reservations, baby."

"For how many days?"

He squinted. "Let's give it three this round. And Riles, keep it on a tight budget . . . and not one fucking word to Kevin about this."

"John."

"Yeah," his nose was deep in the checkbook.

"I'm going to tell Andy and Monna."

He looked up then nodded.

***

I found them in the kitchen, building the stainless steel shelves for the dry storage room.

"Hey, Moolay. Where ya been all day?" Andy was sitting on the tile floor, a screw driver in one hand and a Big Mac in the other.

"Um, busy."

He nodded and went back to work. I sat on the floor and Monica joined me, shoving a hamburger in my hand. I wasn't hungry, but eating put off what I was about to do, so I chomped and watched how they worked together, like a well oiled machine. A tear gathered in my eye. Damn, I was going to miss them. They were so much like John and I, so well suited for each other, and for the Inn.

The Inn we might lose. For the first time I was glad they had another option on the horizon.

"So," I said calmly, licking ketchup from my hand. "What did you guys do yesterday?"

"Yesterday?" Monica looked up from the printed instructions, reached for another shelf and shrugged. "What did we do yesterday?"

Andy shook his head. "Nothin'. What did you do?" He climbed up on one knee and supported the shelf as Monna slid the legs into place. His screw driver deftly twisted and the thing was finally secure. He turned to me.

"Oh, us? Well, um. John and I got married yesterday."

Crash. The shelves dropped to the floor with a clamor and they both looked like deer in a headlight.

"At the courthouse." I didn't know what else to say.

"Oh my God!" Monica jumped and squeezed me in a bear hug but Andy sat still, watching my eyes, knowing everything without me having to say a word.

"So, now what?" He asked.

"Don't know. John and I will be out of town for a few days, can you watch things here?"

Monna's head swung from Andy to me and back again, confusion in her eyes, but to her credit, she let us talk without interrupting.

"The Temple?" Andy asked, his brow curled with concern.

I shook my head, brushed sesame seeds from my hands. "New York banks."

"I see."

I turned to Monna. "Sweetie, don't you have a scrap book of all the press the Inn has gotten?"

"Yes, at home."

"Would you mind loaning it to me?"

"Of course not, I'll bring it tomorrow."

"Good, thanks." I stood. "Well, as you were, slaves," I teased and went back upstairs, unsure of how Andy had really taken the news. Positive that he was about to get an earful from his Number One who had no clue what we'd done or how it was going to make life a bit more complicated around the Inn.

Scrap book and brief cases in hand, John and I were waiting at the door for the bank to open Monday at nine sharp. We talked and, well almost begged but the bank was completely unreceptive. Our account was still intact and the woman couldn't understand why we thought we needed to find additional or replacement funding. We were dismissed. How the hell were we going to answer her questions?

"Fuck," John said as we walked a few blocks to the next bank. "Maybe we're gonna have to wait till the bank account disappears before anyone's going to even consider loaning us money?"

It was a hypothetical question but one that burned in my brain for hours, bank after bank until we gave up in frustration, canceling our hotel room and waiting at the airport for standby tickets home.

"What about Kevin, or even the Engineering firm? They might be interested in investing," I said but John had shut down.

Tuesday morning, neither of us had the heart to even get out of bed. We tossed and turned until John's leg was aching too much. He sat up and strapped on his brace.

"I gotta get up. I need to move around. To think." And he left the suite. Hell, he left the Inn and I have no idea where he went.

JOHN

Drinking, that's where I went. What the fuck had I done? What had we done? Fuck, the last thing I wanted was to feel the way I did. Married four days and I was already wondering if we'd made the worst mistake of our lives.

Swilling beer until I couldn't see straight, I sat in the pub and looked around. Fuck, I loved Vermont. I loved Riles and everything we'd worked so hard for. I loved the fucking Inn, even though it wasn't actually an Inn yet and wouldn't be a functioning business for another two months . . . if ever. Jesus, we already had reservations for the summer. What the fuck was I gonna do?

I thought about going to the Temple, begging for mercy. Just enough time to get our act together. Somehow I felt like that was never gonna work.

So, I thought about undoing it. Talking Riles into getting a quicky divorce in Vegas. Keeping the whole fiasco a secret. The underlying fear of course, was that she'd eventually ask for a divorce anyway. Hell, I could just see it, six months down the road, no Family, no Inn. Me working in that very bar as a tender and poor Riles cooking back in the kitchen. She was going to fucking hate me. God sakes, I hated me.

I couldn't eat, could hardly swallow another beer, but I kept ordering them. And, worst of all, I couldn't go home. I'd been sitting there six hours and not one person approached me. Bet they could tell I was in no mood for talking, ay? It was dark, late, around nine when someone sat beside me. I turned, rolled my eyes.

"Don't say a fucking word."

Andy grunted, took a slug of his own beer and just sat there. My head was drooping; I was wobbly on the stool. Finally after a while he spoke.

"Go fuckin' home mate. Riles needs you. We all need you."

I turned a glare. "What's this fucking we stuff, Andy. You got a way out of this, God sakes. Go pack your fucking bags for mother fucking Paris and leave us alone."

"Nope. Not taking the jobs. Turned them down this morning. We're staying. Monna and I are doing what we can to get a few loans together. Help out too. Guess that'll make us partners, then?"

Tears clouded my vision and I turned to my beer, leaned my head down to reach the rim safely. "That's fucking stupid. What the hell do you wanna stay here for? This can't be the best thing for you and you know it."

"John," Andy's hand settled on my shoulder. "You and Riles, you are like, well real family to us. We aren't leavin' ya alone to deal with this. So don't say anything else about it. Let's go."

He tugged me from the stool, took me home and poured me into my bed.

The next morning I woke alone. Riles had never slept with me that night, her pillow was still all pluffed up, but there was a Federal Express envelope on it. I sat up and looked around. She was sitting on the chair, silent terror in her eyes.

"Open it, John."

***

What do I really know about the world we live in? I fingered the envelope and decided that whatever I needed to know was inside. It was from Dallas, so the bad news was obviously coming from Dino himself; Dino, the real, hell the only money in our world. He was the reason we had a Temple, the reason most of us had businesses. He was the one who managed to get the money. And when it was all said and done, it was his money.

"Can I ask ya something first, baby?" I said carefully, my fingers shaking so hard I could hardly grasp the tear tab.

"What?"

God, she looked bad. Looked like she did when I woke at the hospital. Like she'd been through hell and back. Why did this woman put up with me?

"Do you wish we hadn't done it?" I almost choked on the words.

"Never. I want you to open that. What it says decides what we do next. That's all."

"And you're not pissed at me?"

"Of course I'm pissed at you! You went out and got yourself fucking drunk, left me alone all day, worrying about your sorry ass. Never told me where you were going." Then suddenly she smiled. "Hey, I'm starting to sound like a wife."

"Yeah, you are." I pulled the tab. "Come sit with me. This involves both of us."

"No, it's addressed to you. I'm staying right here."

"Why?"

"Because if that Irish mother fucker insults you in it, his ass is grass. He'll be so fucking sorry he ever met me . . ."

Man, she was fuming. I chuckled. She really was starting to sound like a wife. I took a deep breath and reached inside the cardboard envelope. Said a prayer and unfolded the documents.

Well, well, John Biebe,

Guess I shouldn't be surprised that you'd be the one to pull a stunt like this. I found out ten minutes after the marriage was electronically recorded at the courthouse. SID brought the printouts right to my office. What an honor, huh? It appears that the fucker has a soft spot for your . . . wife. He's been tormenting me since Friday and finally stopped when I made the transactions.

So, here's the story, Brother. As you know, I control the Temple funds. It was always my intention to make sure every Brother got a fair share of it, but we've been pretty conservative about it till now, holding on to the bulk and investing it. I just figured that if a guy had to ask for it, he'd be more apt to do the right things, use it for his future which was always my plan.

So, no fanfare. No big powwows or Temple meetings. No discussion whatsoever. Fuck, John. I'm not even sure if anyone else knows about your nuptials yet. They won't hear it from me. That's your cross to bear. But what you and Riley won't have to bear is financial hardship.

I transferred the remainder of your share of the Temple funds to your New York bank this afternoon, Monday, April 24, 2006. It's a few million more than it would have been a year ago when you started the work there in Vermont. Now it's your problem to figure out how to invest and keep it growing. Do yourself a favor, hire a good fucking investment firm, will you?

No thanks necessary, and give my best to the bride. Good luck, John. I will miss you both.

Sincerely,
Dino O'Leary
CFO, Thorne and O'Leary
CFO, Temple Funding
BTW, Jealous Brother too.

I flipped to the bank documents. Our account had more than doubled. We were home free. Looked like Dino would keep his balls after all. I just laughed till I cried. It was a good world. But now, Riles and I would be creating a new world. Our own world. Together.

"Come here, Mrs. Biebe."