JOHN BIEBE

We walked inside the left tower room and my heart thumped wildly, just like it always does in there. The only light drifted in from the wall of French doors and the full moon, staring in like a peeping Tom. Maximus sat, cross legged in the center of the floor, Terry settled in a far corner on the bench along the wall and me? I just stood there and tried to breathe.

The room is beautiful, ay? Thick pile sand colored carpet, no furniture, just gold cushioned benches built along the walls. Those walls were painted pale tan and the floorboards matched the cherry oak wood lacing the French doors’ glass panes. Usually it felt kinda warm in there, but the moonlight made it cool, washing everything with a strange, surreal blue.

No one said anything about what I was supposed to do or where I was supposed to sit and those things are pretty important in the left tower room. There’s an unspoken ritual to being in there, something that respects and protects against all the power there. See everything … and I mean everything … strange about my world collides in that place. The Portals are there, spinning through time and space but hidden at the moment. Time Portals, World Portals, hell, probably even Conscience Portals existed there. Today, none of them seemed to want to mess with me.

Also in that room – according to Cory White, Bud’s grandson who once worked for a TV Ghost Hunter – lived all the ghosts, sticking around, doing whatever they were meant to do, some maybe just passing through, like the rest of the Inn’s living guests. Who knew? Not me, that’s for sure. I never saw a ghost in my life but Riles did. Hey, maybe that was why Terry was there with us? The ghost Riley saw most often was a friend of his. She said his name was Brian.

Whatever. I wouldn’t see nothing. Never did. Maybe that’s why I felt way calmer than Maximus or Terry looked. I lowered to sit on the floor facing Max. His eyes were closed, his face like stone in the eerie light. Something looked real strange about him and for a moment, I wondered if he was even breathing.

“Max? You okay, man?”

And that was the last moment I could deny the presence of spirits living in my attic.

It was like a light suddenly switched on and I saw everything and everyone in there! So many faces, but I was searching for one. Only one, but my wife wasn’t there. I felt my chest deflate and blinked back tears. What the fuck? If all those ghosts could hang out in my house, why not Riley?

“She’s moved on, Nephew.”

My eyes shot back to Max. He hadn’t moved a muscle or said a word. I knew that because it sure as hell wasn’t the General’s voice.

“Grandpa Luke?” I crackled. Like I wasn’t scared enough, the very dead, very old man/grizzly actually stood up … right out of Maximus’ form! I squawked like a schoolgirl and crab crawled back a few feet before collapsing.

He laughed. “Scared ya, didn’t I?”

My eyes shot to Terry. He sat still as he could, his eyes bouncing all around the room, trying to figure out what spooked me like that. Nope, he was in the dark. He wasn’t seeing anything. Maybe I wasn’t either.

“Yes you are, Nephew. We have little time and there’s much to tell you. Your dear brother has once again sacrificed himself as vassal for this communication, but it takes a lot out of him, so let’s get to it. You know this man?”

I looked where he pointed and now tears blurred my vision. Bud White stood from one of the benches and shrugged. “Hockey puck, so sorry about your loss. But Riles, she’s okay.”

“How do you know? I mean fuck, dead so fast like that, how can I be sure she’s okay?” Did that make any sense? How could it? I was talking to a dead man about a dead woman I was worried about. How fucked up was I?

“She came and found me. John, she had to get moving but she wanted to make sure you understood. She didn’t wanna go, ya know. She’s kinda pissed about it, but … she wanted me to tell you she trusts you to do all the right stuff for the rug rats. She knows you ain’t gonna fuck up.”

“Yeah I will. Bud, you know me, I’ll fuck up, big time.”

Again he shrugged then returned to his seat ... right beside Terry who had no idea Bud was even there. “What choice do you have?”

None. I had no choice. I got the responsibility for the kids, the Inn, our lives, all at the moment her heart stopped beating. Hell, I knew it but until that moment, I didn’t really know it. “Wow.”

“Nephew,” the image of old Grandpa Luke had shifted into that of a bear while I was talking to Bud. With thudding paws, he circled Maximus then looked right into my face. “Nephew,” he said again, and I received a sudden flash of when I almost died in the avalanche, a distinct memory of when the huge bear dug me out of the snow, how he laid over me to keep me warm, and how he died signaling the rescuers of my location.

“I said I was sorry about that, told ya like fifty times, bear.” Bud grunted. The bear’s head rose and he snuffled. It was Bud who panicked and shot Luke that day on the mountain. I’m guessing that’s why a dead ex-LAPD detective and a dead grizzly man/bear are haunting my attic together.

The snout came closer to me and I leaned back. Who knew a ghost could have bad bear breath?

“Nephew, she said to tell you … Alaska.”

“Alaska,” I repeated. What the fuck was he talking about? And why was I hearing a man’s voice coming from a bear.

“Yes. Not the beach, Alaska. Riley says to take the boys to Alaska and show them your soul. When you return, your life will be better.”

“How?”

He suddenly shifted back to his old man form and shrugged. “No clue. That’s what she said. Oh, and she also said Nathan can start school late, so take your time. I think that’s it.” He comically looked up at the ceiling then nodded. “Yeah, that’s it.”

“Wait. Alaska? Are you fucking kidding me? Alaska? Now?”

But the spell was broken, the moonlight had become a whisper as the source slipped slowly behind Mount Mansfield’s eagle-beaked tip. The air felt different. Colors altered. All the ethereal shapes of ghosts dissolved leaving just me and Maximus and Terry alone in the room as it grew darker and darker.

The General gasped, shook like a dog then blinked. It was like he’d taken a fucking nap or something. Terry stood, rubbing his chin, probably wondering what he’d missed and I just sat there and shook my head.

“Alaska? She wants me to take the boys to Alaska?”

“Yes,” Max said, his voice low, tired, gravelly. “And there’s one more message.”

“Okay.” Did I really want to hear this?

“Riley asks that you open your heart.”

“To what?”

“It is all she told me. She prays that you open your heart. Now,” he grunted to his feet like and old man. “I am tired.”

Terry and I watched him leave.  “How does he do that?”

“Hell if I know, mate. Far as I know, this room’s the only place he does. Isn’t that called … channeling?”

I shrugged. “What did you see, Terry?” We were both still starting and the door Max had exited.

“Nothin’. But I heard it all. Listen John. Alaska isn’t like a leisure holiday at the shore. You’ll need help with the boys. I’ll come with ya.”

I blinked and finally looked at him. “Why would you wanna do that?”

“John, you’re my brother. Those little blokes are my godchildren. Of course I wanna do it. Besides, all the places I’ve been in the world, I’ve never been to Alaska.”

We walked down the steps and I groaned. “You know, I don’t think we can do this right now. Winter soon up there and all.”

“You worried about the Inn … or the Alaskan weather forecast?”

“Both, I guess. Maybe we put off the long drive until next summer?”

“She said now, right? So I’m thinkin’ we bloody go now. We won’t drive, we’ll fly into … what city?”

“Fairbanks. But –”

“We’ll fly to Fairbanks, rent a nice, sturdy SUV and go where ever it is we’re goin’. No big deal, mate.”

“I … why …”

At my apartment door he gripped my shoulder tight. “Listen, I wanna do this for Riles. I wanna do it for the boys and I wanna do it for you.”

“And your life?”

“Fucked up … as usual.”

“Eva?”

“Gone back to San Sebastian to take care of a few things. Dino’s got control of the business and I’m here for one thing only, to support you.”

I thought a moment then groaned. “Fine, okay. I’ll cancel the beach, repack the suitcases and we leave on the first plane I can get for Alaska.”

“G’night, mate.” He turned to leave.

“And,” I added while unlocking my door. “You will be sorry, buddy. Two toddlers, me and the tundra. Yeah. You’ll be real sorry.” Stepping inside I closed the door and whispered, “Alaska.”

***

Smooth, it all went way too smooth. The boys slept during the drive to Burlington, behaved on the plane, ate well and even made a friend on the long flight from LAX to Fairbanks. The rental was waiting, spotless and equipped with child seats.

It was going well but I was shaking with some creepy energy. I felt like I was about to explode, bounce off the walls and speak in tongues I never heard. Possessed. Yeah, that’s how it felt, like I wasn’t in control of how or what I was feeling.

I ain’t no fucking sensitive nineties type guy, but feeling was the only way I could describe the growing anxiety, irritation and general depression building beneath my sternum. Any father of two kids under five couldn’t ask for a better trip so far! So …

What the fuck was my problem?

Easy, he was sitting right beside me. Terry Thorne was my problem.

Trust me, as we took the highway north, I tried hard to get rational about all this. The night before, we’d stayed at the Fairbanks Hilton. There was some kinda dental convention going on there, so we stuck close to the rooms, called room service for dinner and together Terry and I put the kids down for the night.

I remember telling myself that this trip was good for Terry too. I mean hell, he never had a relationship with Henry, never managed to have kids in this world, and only God knew what was keeping him and Eva from saying ‘I do’. I should have felt good about what a great godfather he was turning out to be, how well the boys took to him, that the great and powerful Terry Thorne was actually smiling. Often.

For some reason, all those things that should have been pleasant observations, really pissed me off. Why?

The scenery is spectacular on that stretch of road but all I saw was red. Then, like someone threw a bucket of ice water over me, I blew. Pulled over and leapt from the car. Nathan and Michael was sound asleep and I didn’t figure to go far, but if I didn’t get the fuck away, I’d kill someone. Terry? Me? Who knew? I started pacing then suddenly I was jogging. A mile. Two. Maybe three before I came to may senses.

What the fuck was I doing? Easy. Being jealous, something I’m damn good at. I did it with Donna, did it when I dated LizBeth, and almost lost Riley more than once because of it. Jealous. But … of what? Looking over my shoulder I groaned, turned and walked back toward the car. It was time to get this over with.

Terry was leaning against the back fender smoking a cigarette. He tossed it aside and strolled out to meet me.

“You okay, mate?”

“Thanks for sticking by the kids.”

“You didn’t answer. You okay?”

“Fuck no.”

“Talk to me, John.”

I glared. What the fuck was it about Terry Thorne that makes me choke with jealousy? He’s no different than any of us, than any other man on the damn planet. He’s fucked up, flawed, smells like shit after a run and becomes an idiot when he drinks too much. What do women see in him?

What did my wife see in him?

“Talk to me, John,” he repeated and I vowed to keep this civil.

“What did she see in you?”

“Pardon?”

“Riley. What the fuck did she see in you? She fucking loved you, and I mean loved with a motherfucking capital ‘L’. Why?”

He sighed, leaned against the side of the car and looked out at the mountains. “Don’t know that she did, John. Not like you think, anyway.”

“Bullshit! That journal. The one written to you. The one I gave you. What was in it?”

He remained silent.

“What the fuck was in there? What did she write to you?”

Still he was silent. I got in his face and shouted louder. “Don’t fucking lie to me! She always loved you! Always! God sakes, back when the women asked for visits, she saw you more than any of them! Three, four, maybe five times more than any of them!”

“Did it matter then?” He stepped away and lit another cigarette. “I mean really, John. Did anything matter then? We lived a loose, swapping, fuck all free life in those days.”

“Yeah it mattered! To me, to most of us! It’s where we built our relationships, made our choices!”

“And she chose you.”

He was so calm, and for the first time I realized I knew something very important about Terry Thorne. When he’s that calm, he’s hiding something. “But she loved you.”

“What do you want to know, John?” He sighed, flicked his ash then finally met my gaze. His voice was relaxed, like he was in total control. “Tell me what you want to know.”

“Did she cheat on me … with you? After we got married? Did you move in on my wife? Like you’re moving in on my kids? Did you fuck my wife? I gotta know!”

“John, you’re a bloody arse. You know that?” He pulled away from the fender with fire in his eyes. Another thing I know about Terry Thorne … never cross the line.

Fuck the line. “Tell me!”

He pushed me back and began to pace like a lion sizing up his prey, his eyes never left mine, his lips tightened, his fists flexed. Then, finally he spoke.

“I will tell you everything … but not now. Not here. You got that mate? I’ll tell you everything when you’re calm and the kids are safely in bed tonight.”

“Everything!”

“Yeah, mate. Everything.”

He climbed in to the driver’s seat, sufficiently taking over the duty.