RILEY

When life throws you a curve so wicked it threatens to paralyze you, there are only two choices. Let it steam roll right over you, or make your spine a steel rod and control things the best you can. Once I let it take me when I lost our first baby. But my God, Natalie had held Catherine, had nursed her and loved her, played with her and watched her grow for ten blessed months. Losing a child is the hardest thing a parent faces and my heart ached for her. But if I was going to help, I had to pull it together.

It took me an hour, I cried and cried, prayed and got angry then I pushed back my hair and got to it. First things first. I wanted everyone to be close during the next few days, even those living across town. I called Marla and had her clear a block of rooms here in the right tower for our family. It wasn’t going to be difficult, the leaves had all fallen and so had our guest load.

I took a deep breath; it was time to make the calls. I braced myself and opened my family phone list. I just couldn’t do it alphabetically for some reason, so I went where my heart led and called Maximus first. It was three AM in California.

“I am on my way,” his voice was a painful growl.

“Maximus, I don’t think anyone expects you to leave Sophia and the new baby right now, I just wanted to let you know.”

“I am on my way.”

From there I called Colin, unsure what his response would be. I’d heard so much about how he’d changed and just didn’t know what to expect. He too said he and Carrie were coming home. Stephen was totally broken up, babbling that he would be here by noon.

The calls continued. Jeff Wigand and Kelly, Richie, Ben. Max Skinner was appropriately sullen and sympathetic. Pullo, heartbroken. Lachlan and Jessie were speechless. Hando and Mere cried.

Poor Cory was beside himself with grief. “Jesus, that little baby! I can’t believe it!”

John had offered to call Egan since I didn’t have his number. I felt so bad for Egan and his little son; they were coming to what was supposed to be a happy new home. Our newest arrival, Gerry Kennedy paced and watched me make the calls, asking if there was anything he could do.

All the calls made, I left Nathan in Gerry’s care and went to find those family members right in my own Inn. Kim actually teared up. Andy and Monna were shocked but like me, ready to move into action, preparing food for our arriving guests and the grieving family. LizBeth came over to help me arrange things at the apartment and by noon everyone started to arrive. John had called to tell me to expect them around five.

Good God, how could we even begin to comfort Jack and Nat?

MAXIMUS

My loving Sophia did not question my decision but she could not have truly known the reasons behind it. Nearly two years ago, Natalie attempted to take her own life. I was not available; I was running, hiding from my own life, intent on taking the portal to my own death.

What I received for that action was Pullo and Marc Antony. And … Sophia. Rewards for such foolishness? Or perhaps, the gods had found reason to help guide me. I will never know. But I have never felt correct in being so far when one of our own was in so much need. The most I could do was pen a few words of support and comfort to the dear woman. This time, it would not do.

I have responsibilities to this family as a whole and am committed to carrying them with honor. I will shed my tears for Jack and Natalie’s loss on the plane, but hold strong for them when I arrive.

BEN

“I can’t … I can’t …” I tried to explain why I felt so damn sick but Tracy patted my shoulder.

“I know, Ben. I know.”

“A dead kid? It’s wrong. Someone’s gotta pay for this.”

“Someone will.” She slid my boots close. “Come on, we’ve got to get upstairs. They’ll be here soon.”

I looked into her eyes. “Did ya know I was with Natalie when she started … havin’ those babies?”

She blinked.

“I held little Catherine right after she was born. This just ain’t right.”

EVA
           
I left my family behind in Spain, but have felt a deep respect and love for this family since Terry introduced me to them. The men are strong and pure, the women beautiful and nurturing. My love for Terry has made my world a larger universe … one of vast caring for those he loves. I did not tell him, wished not to burden him … but when he left for Maine, I packed and took a commercial flight to Vermont. He will need me when he arrives. And I will bolster him as his family needs his strength. I also know that he will again cry in my arms. This is a terrible, painful time.

At the apartment I was received as though I have always belonged there. I helped where I could and found a lovely comfort with two interesting women. LizBeth Boyer is a long time friend of the family … and Claudia is very deeply in a relationship with Antony. Together we seemed stronger, able to support and assist, able to calm those trembling and crying guests as we all awaited the arrival of Jack and his wife.

AGENT COOPER

When I woke this morning I felt an oppression in the very air around me. Something was seriously askew and I couldn’t put my finger on it. I showered and dressed and found the sensation so uncomfortable, I chose to have breakfast in town. I had a full day ahead.

At nine sharp I sat in the sheriff’s conference room and booted up my laptop. Computers, wonderful things for a man in my line of work. I spent an hour reviewing all the reported activities of the deceased Federal Agent before his demise. At ten sharp and exactly on time, all the station’s records for pertinent arrests made in Stowe for two years prior to and two years after Robert Sawicki’s disappearance were stacked neatly in front of me. It wasn’t much. Back in the late sixties and early seventies, it was a sleepy town, not nearly the Mecca for skiers and tourism it is today.

By eleven I was surprised to notice that Sheriff Wade had not yet arrived. I stepped out to get a cup of coffee at the shop across the street and discovered that the temperature had drastically pummeled. Sipping my paper cup of java, I decided to pop back to the Inn up the mountain and collect my heavy coat. I would be heading back for the night late and it could well begin to snow at that rate.

Stepping into the lobby, I again was accosted by that dark feeling. Inside my room, I noticed the thermos coffee carafe that Mrs. Biebe had kindly loaned me for my late night research. Something told me to return it immediately.

At her apartment door, I could see the place was filled with people. Riley Biebe looked as though she was exhausted, perhaps had been crying.

“Is everything alright?”

“Oh, Agent Cooper. We’ve had a death … a baby … she died in a tragic fire in Maine. We’re all very close to the parents. They’re on their way here.” She looked down at the carafe and I handed it over. “Thanks,” she sighed. “I can use this.”

She left me there at the door. Now I understood what had changed the atmosphere of the usually pleasant Inn. Turning to leave, I spied the Sheriff, sitting with Mr. Roberts and talking. I walked over and leaned down.

“Sheriff Wade, a moment please.”

“Now?” he scowled and I could tell he too was deeply distressed. Who wouldn’t be? Such a young child, lost in such a terrible way.

“Yes, now.” I took his arm and he jerked it away but stood and followed me aside.

“I can’t talk now … I can’t … I … I know there’s stuff to do at the station but … I …”

“Ben, listen to me,” I spoke calmly. “I know you haven’t been a sheriff for very long but there are things you need to understand.”

He blinked, groaned. “I can’t leave here now, Cooper.”

“No, you can’t. Nor do you need to. You have a strong staff back in town, things will move fine without you for the time being. I’ll help where I can. And don’t concern yourself with my investigation. I’ll take De La Croix. She’s a strong, intelligent young officer and will be perfect to assist me.”

He blinked again. “You ain’t here to tell me to get my ass to town?”

“No Sheriff. I’m here to tell you to take the time you need. Those poor parents will need you. When is the funeral?”

Wade shrugged. “They’re sayin’ tomorrow.”

“Everything will be fine until after that.” I had nothing else to say, I left the apartment.

JESSIE

We’re all beyond stunned at what’s happened, and I can’t even begin to find any words that express our sorrow. It terrifies me to think how one person, a virtual stranger, could create so much destruction and havoc in the lives of so many.

I’m having these nightmares lately where I’m grocery shopping; our baby is sitting in its carrier in the front of the basket and I go off in search of something from another aisle, leaving the baby alone an unattended. Afterwards, I wake in a cold sweat, my heart pounding, terrified that I might unintentionally cause our child some kind of harm. Last night I dreamed that the girl who works at the coffee shop in town snuck into our house and stole our baby. I awoke knowing full well that it was only a dream, but I’m finding that I can’t look at people in quite the same way any longer.

We arrived at the Inn with Jeff Mitchell in tow. The women all bundled together in Riley’s kitchen, trying desperately to find things to say that could help make some sense of it all. When I saw Maximus in the kitchen I asked him how he could have possibly have left his wife and baby behind. Fortunately, he seems to understand women in high hormonal states and in his very calm voice, he explained that that his place at this moment was here with the family.

“I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to give you the third degree.”

“I have taken no offense, little dear. Sophia would have accompanied me, but it is too soon for the infant to travel. I assure you that they are both well guarded. For now I’m needed here. It is most important that I see that everything is attended to. If all goes well and the gods will it, my family will accompany me back here to Vermont for Christmas.”

It felt strange to think about the holidays, a time that is supposed to be filled with happiness and joy, but realizing that I would be that much closer to my delivery date gave me a certain sense of excitement. My hands went to my stomach, I felt the baby kick … hard, and I instantly felt guilty. My baby is still safe with me, while little Catherine is gone.

As if reading my thoughts, Maximus reached out to touch my stomach, his eye holding mine as he smiled softly. “You and brother Lachlan have a right to your joy; do not permit this unhappiness to spoil your anticipation.”

I may be a relatively new addition to the clan and I’m sure there’s much in the way of family history that I’ll never know, but I was touched by his sense of responsibility towards all of us.

LACHLAN

I’ve always tried to be at peace with the thought of my own passing. As we grow older it becomes a part of reality, accepting that our time here is limited and yet trying to find a way to make some sense out of it all. There’s that natural rhythm to life that seems terribly warped when a child dies, and the horrible facts of little Catherine’s death are even more tragic when one considers the circumstances behind it. I can’t begin to imagine the sense of grief Jack and Natalie must be experiencing.

When we arrived at the Inn I hovered around Jessie for a while, not knowing if she was up for the stress of this gathering. I doubt if I could have kept her away, but I’m worried about how all of this might affect her. As she gets further along in her pregnancy, she’s been suffering from insomnia and has occasional crying jags that can occur at any time for any reason. John’s assured me that it’s all par for the course, adding that Riley nearly drove him mental towards the last weeks of her pregnancy with Nathan.   

“Just walk softly and remember that the mini mart is open twenty-four hours. Their chocolate-pickle ice cream can be a real life saver.”

After seeing that Jessie was safely cocooned with the women, I sought out Mitchell and motioned towards the door.

I needed fresh air as much as I needed a smoke. Until recently I’d been using the patch, but stopped using them, thinking that the worst of my cravings were over. We headed out to the gazebo where it was far enough away to escape the view of the others, but close enough to get back quickly if needed.

 My lighter sputtered and I inhaled deep. “So much for quitting.”

“To be honest, I could use a drink about now,” Mitchell admitted. “Bloody hell, I know I’ll need a drink before the funeral tomorrow; I can’t bear the thought of that tiny little casket. How’s Jess holding up?”

She’d been the one to take the call last night, and was so upset afterwards that I almost made her stay home but she wouldn’t hear of it. “I think her being angry helps, but I have a feeling she won’t be allowing any strange women into the house any time soon.”

“Probably just as well. Barrett might end up knowing one of ‘em.  Is Enid still coming out to stay over Thanksgiving?”

I couldn’t help a small chuckle. Jessie’s mum and Mitchell had taken to one another like long lost best friends. She taught him how to cheat at Canasta, and he got her hooked on VB. “She’s counting the days and told me to tell you that you’d better get ready for a grudge match.”

Mitchell grinned. “Tell her to bring it on.”

It felt good to think of something happy for a moment. I finished my cigarette and looked back toward the Inn. “We’d better get back. I don’t like to leave Jessie alone for too long.”

We turned to go. I gave a silent prayer just then, thanking God for keeping our child safe and asking the angels to keep Catherine safe in their arms.

KIM

There was a time when I firmly believed that I didn’t need anyone standing behind me, yet the family has always been there for me … even if I really didn’t deserve their loyalty. They took me in when I lost my bearings, and even though Riley’s taken me to task a couple of times, they’ve always welcomed me with open arms.

Truth be told, I could have easily taken an apartment in town when Emily and I went our separate ways, but I hate being alone. Then Jessie and Lachlan took me in without question, and I have to admit that I don’t really mind feeling a little bit like I’m back living with my parents. Bloody hell … it really doesn’t even bother me to share a bathroom with Mitchell.

It’s funny, even though we all share this strange connection; I never took much time to really get to know the others in the beginning, aside from Andy. I guess I was too arrogant to care, but now I don’t care to be anywhere but here right with all of them. Especially now.

I wish I had the words that could take away Jack and Natalie’s heartache. I can’t begin to imagine the devastation of losing a child and I can’t begin to imagine the thoughts that must be going through their heads. How does someone carry on after something like that? It makes my own personal problems seem trivial in comparison.

EMILY

I wasn’t sure if I should attend the gathering at the Biebes; I was afraid I’d end up making some folks feel uncomfortable. After all, I’m no longer family; I’m now just … the former girlfriend.

When Kim arrived in the office late this morning it was all I could do to keep from going over to hug him. “Oh Kim, I’m so sorry for everyone’s loss. I already sent a basket of calla lilies to the funeral home.”

He looked at me strangely, as if he had forgotten something and was trying to remember. “I didn’t even think about sending flowers. I’ve never done anything like this before. Am I also supposed to send a sympathy card? I wouldn’t know what to write; I mean, what is an appropriate thing to say to a couple who’ve lost a child? I’m sorry for your loss? You and your family are in my prayers? It all sounds so cliché.”

“You could simply sign the card Love, Kim. I think that pretty much says it all.”

“I suppose I’d better call the florist.” He couldn’t seem to move from his desk.

Again I fought the urge to run over to him. “Let me take care of this. I’ll order some flowers and have them delivered to the funeral home and I’ll take care of the card. Go back to the Biebe’s apartment and let me worry about the office.”

“Thank you Emmie. I owe you big time for this.” He slowly got up from his desk and headed towards the door. “I’ll talk to you a little later, okay?”

I watched him go, fighting back my own tears of sadness. Yes, he owed me big time, but not for this favor I was willingly granting today.

It was then that I realized how much I still loved him, and I felt more alone than ever.

CORY

I don’t know why this hit me so hard. Daisy was in tears and being in that apartment didn’t help any. Everyone was right on the edge, ready to break down and I had to get the fuck out of there. I slipped out the door and headed to the only place I knew I could be alone … well, not really alone. In fact, I was kinda hoping I wouldn’t be alone.

I went into that left tower room and closed the door. There’s an unnatural quiet about that room. The mellow light blazed through the wall of French doors and Mount Mansfield stood proud and tall. Dark clouds gathered and I wondered if it would snow. Wondering if it would snow was the only thing I could let into my head that didn’t seem to hurt.

“Granddad?” I said, sitting on the cushioned bench along the wall. I dropped my head into my hands and started to fucking cry like a baby. “Granddad, I could really fucking use you right now.”

Silence. It didn’t matter, I kept talking.

“You got any idea why something like this would happen? That little baby didn’t do a damn thing to anyone. She was a sweet little thing. All she did was smile and –”

“I know,” he said and I looked up. I couldn’t see him but I could smell his aftershave.

“Why’s this hurting me so much?”

“You already said why. There was no reason for it, none that I can see, kid. Buck up. Jack and Nattie are gonna need you.”

“What if I can’t? I mean, what if I just blubber like a –”

“Like a kid?” I heard that patented Bud White chuckle. “Well fuck, you are a kid. Twenty what? Four? Take a tip from a dead old man, Cory. Between twenty-four and thirty-four, you’re gonna face a lot of shit you don’t understand. Between forty-four and fifty-four, it’ll start to make sense, but it ain’t until you face death yourself that you’ll really get it. All this shit, it’s a journey, buddy. Buck up. This ain’t the first tragedy you’re gonna face. Trust me on that one.”

“But a baby?”

“She’s fine.”

“How can you say that? She’s dead!”

“She’s fine,” his voice started to fade. “Buck up, kiddo.”

GERRY KENNEDY

Where the hell do I fit in here? I feel like a bloke who’s crashed a party, only no one’s happy. How the bloody hell could they be?

I never met Jack Aubrey, although I have seen his movie. He’s not a man I’d like to see angry as a skunk, but he is a man who takes things deep into his heart. Losing a child has got to have the man reeling.

I have nowhere to go, but even if I did I’d stick around. I’ve been able to occupy Nathan, keep him away from all the people and unaware that something bad has happened. He’s a good little boy but having heard that his Uncle Jack and Aunt Natalie are coming, he’s already asking for Chelsea and Catherine. Bloody hell, I sure wouldn’t want to be his parents when the explanations need to be made.

But even as I sit and play video games with the kid, I can feel it … something I didn’t really think about. The loss, the pressure of uncertainty, the depth of misery that comes with a situation like that. Watching my movie I didn’t feel it, but sitting so close to the weight of live mourning, it hit me hard. So this is what Holly suffered. Never was I happier that I did what I did. What a pity little Catherine couldn’t send messages to her sister and parents saying … P.S. I love you.

JACK

I took a few moments to make sure Natalie and Chelsea were comfortable in our old apartment before I crossed the hall. The apartment looked the same, just as we had left it, yet different. Riley has thought to comfort us. There were no duplicates as there had been before. One high chair. One crib.

Natalie stood at the nursery door, staring. “It seems so empty,” she said, barely whispering.

“Are you sure you will be all right, my dear?”

She turned to me, her eyes hollow. “Yes … yes. It’ll be fine.” With a sigh, she added, “I just can’t face them yet, Jack.”

“I understand, my love, and will convey your apologies.” I wanted to reach out to her, but she turned back to the nursery and put Chelsea into bed. I watched as she carefully tucked our daughter into her solitary crib, smoothing the blanket around her. Then she sat in the rocking chair and looked up at me, eyes brimming.

“Go, Jack. We’ll be fine, I promise.”

“All right, my love. I will return shortly.”

John and Riley’s apartment was warm and welcoming, filled to the brim with family and close friends. I explained Natalie’s absence as best I could, and all understood. Dear Riley quickly prepared a plate of food for her and disappeared across the hall.

It was all a blur … everyone offering kind words and condolences. Miss Daisy brought a plate of food to me, and I thanked her kindly but it went untouched. I couldn’t eat and set it aside. I circled the room, passing from person to person, until I came to Stephen, my particular friend.

He had come up from Maryland expressly to see me and it warmed my heart. “It’s good to see you, brother. Will you be staying for a while?” We took a seat on the couch.

“Yes, I can stay a fortnight, Jack, then I must return.” He looked as always, a bit rumpled, hair mussed, eyeglasses askew. “I have spoken with Terry and know what happened.” He looked over the rim of his spectacles. “You must not blame yourself, dear. You hold no responsibility for the girl’s actions.”

I turned to him and began to respond, but he held his hand up. Looking around, he added, “We will speak later, my friend, when we may talk freely.”

“Yes, brother. Later.”

NATALIE

I just couldn’t face them, even though they all mean well and want to be here for me … I just couldn’t. But, I couldn’t avoid Riles. She knew me better than anyone and arrived with a plate full of steaming food.

She sat me at the kitchen table, set down silverware and a napkin and placed the plate in front of me.

“Eat,” she commanded.

I snorted. “I’m not hungry, Riles. It’s nice of you and all …but honestly –”

“Nonsense. Eat.” She sat across from me and glared. “You’ll feel better, I guarantee you.”

I sighed, knowing I was losing this battle and grudgingly took a bite, giving as good a glare as I got. The doorbell rang and I put my fork down.

“No,” Riley said. “I’ll get it. You eat.”

She returned with Claudia, who bent to give me a hug. “Natalie … sweetheart, I’m so sorry. Antony sent me over. How are you? How’s little Chelsea?”

She was wearing her nurse face and I sighed. “We’re as fine as we can be.”

TERRY

Walking in I could see that they were all there. But my eyes fell on Eva as my heart suddenly pumped, for the first time making me warm and feel alive. She walked to me and we embraced before I tugged her out into the hall. Leaning back against the wall she looked into my eyes. My head dropped, propping my brow to hers and I groaned.

“Bloody hell.”

Her hands cupped my face and she kissed me tenderly.

“I can’t believe you’re here,” I said, really surprised. Her dance studio was close to being finished, she was nearing her opening and already booked solid for classes within the week.

“Of course I am here, my love,” she sighed and kissed me again. “I am here for you, for this family you love so dearly. I will always stand with you.”

“Baby, it is awful. So fuckin hard and I have no clue how they’re gonna get through this.”

“With the help of this family, they will get through it. You have done what you set out to do, my love. You have brought them home.”

And now the hard part begins, I thought. The healing.

JOHN

I never needed to see everyone so bad. My apartment was packed and Jack was getting the support he needed. Maximus nodded a salute to me and I was damn relieved to see him. He’s the man … the patriarch of this crew. He’ll find some way to help us all cope.

Then I saw my son. Shit, my boy. I almost cried. Nathan ran to me, wrapped his arms round my thigh and I lifted him, held him tighter than ever and he didn’t even try to wiggle free. It was like he knew I needed him. He clung to me as hard as I clung to him. With his warmth and little arms wrapped around my neck, I could face it all … the tiny casket all alone in Baker’s Fifth Street Funeral Home … the pain in Nat and Jack’s eyes … even the tough road ahead.

Terry ruffled Nathan’s hair and my son grinned, his head on my shoulder. Fuck, I felt like some kinda cruel person, loving my kid in the middle of that room full of mourners and figured maybe I should take Nathan into his room to play. But Jack looked over at us, smiled and tilted his head. I could almost hear his thoughts inside my mind.