JOHN

Home sweet fucking home! Damn, that dilapidated old house never looked so good to me. But just the effort of getting out of the hospital, into the car, riding to the Inn and getting into my own bed wiped me out. I fell right to sleep. Riles had to wake me for my pills.

Lachlan was already in his uniform when they picked me up. As soon as we got in the house, Lach said his farewells and was gone. I watched Riley's face closely, looking for a sign of disappointment. Loss. Nope.

She looked good. Her smile was beaming. Flyboy had taken good care of her. I really didn't want to think about how; I was just pleased she was well and happy.

We got in at about four in the afternoon. Fuck, for a while there, I was afraid they weren't gonna let me out of the hospital but they did. I don't think I really had a grasp that I was really home until we ate dinner around six. The best fucking beef stew I ever tasted. Riley sat on the edge of the bed and ate with me. Man, she fucking nourished me with that meal. It was so good to be home.

We had the weekend alone. And I can't tell you how much it meant to me. Just me and Riles. Wasn't thinking about how tough it would be for her till I had to use the bathroom. Listening to her struggle to help me get the ten fucking feet across the bedroom almost broke my heart. But she laughed, lightening the mood until we were both giggling. Then she stripped and climbed into bed with me for the night.

Jesus, it was so good to be home, but . . . Fuck. There was virtually nothing I actually could do. That's precisely what I was thinking as I pulled Riles close. Damn, I missed that feeling, my body touching hers. Seemed like we'd been apart for months. She kissed my neck, my lips. The flavor of her love made me groan. I hugged her tight. Poor thing couldn't even sleep on her side of the bed. The fucking cast was there. From foot to mid-thigh. Oh well, I thought. If nothing else, the sponge baths should be fun. Well, they should be but . . .

"Hey baby," I whispered.

"Yes?"

"Lach took good care of you, didn't he?"

"He was great, John. Whatever I needed to be carried or built or driven to, he did." She snuggled closer.

"That's not what I'm talking about, and you know it."

"What are you talking about?" She sat up, looking down at me.

"Did he take care of you, baby. I asked him to take care of you."

Her eyebrows rose. "Are you my 'john' now?"

Damn, that's not what I meant, I started to panic. "No, no . . ."

She laughed. Cuddled back against me, still giggling.

"Did he? 'Cause Riles, with these fucking pain pills they have me on . . ."

"John."

"Yeah?"

"Shut the fuck up." Her sweet hand cupped my limp cock. "Go to sleep."

"I love you."

"Good night, John."

RILEY

I don't want to admit I was in a panic but I was. Complete, nearly overwhelming terror. When we got John into the house it all just hit me like a ton of bricks. Caring for him, just out of the hospital was huge! There were eight pills he had to take. A small amount of physical therapy I needed to encourage him to do. I had to watch his color, his temperature, his state of mind. Keep him calm. Jesus! He was already talking about all the work that needed to be done in the next few weeks. I'd just smile, tease him that he was on vacation, assure him that Family will be here to help us . . . and then I'd run.

Yeah, run. I'd leave the bedroom, slip out onto the porch and let out a cry. I know it was only a few days before Hando and Mere arrived, but oh Christ! How was I going to do it?

The second time I found myself outside, shivering in the cold, the phone rang. Thank God.

DARCY

Life's a funny thing. Just when you think you're on an even keel, the ill winds come to blow you off course. I thought once the auction was over, life would settle down to some semblance of normalcy for me. I thought I'd spend my days at the shelter and get that playground built and the daycare started. And then John had his accident.

I was amazed at how much it affected me to think he might be dead. And then when Sophie found him and we knew he'd make it; the relief was like a blessing. When he was stable, I really didn't want to leave him and Riley, but there just wasn't room for more of us to stay at the Inn. The schedule seemed to be set and that old adage that too many cooks spoil the soup seemed to apply, so when Bud said he had to get back to San Francisco, I went with him.

But once at home, I was restless, worried. Not only for John, but for Riley too. Isobel brought it home to me when we talked on the flight home...reminiscing about Cort's broken ankle and the difficulty of taking care of him (mostly keeping him down until the bones had a chance to knit). I thought about that long and hard. Iz said it was a tough job, and she lived in a modern house with forced air heat...besides, it wasn't that cold in Sonoma anyway. And Cort wasn't that badly hurt. But John and Riley lived in a dilapidated old Victorian with only fireplaces to keep them warm in a Vermont winter, and John was in pretty bad shape. He couldn't take care of the things that needed done, and he needed lots of care himself. Just thinking of the work that entailed for Riles made me wonder how in the hell she was going to do it all.

I called the hospital every day. Talked to Riles, talked to John. Tried to stay out of mother hen mode, kept it light and easy. But I heard the exhaustion in Riley's voice, and the worry in John's, and it had me biting my lip. He was getting frustrated. Worrying about the work to be done before construction began. Chafing because he had to rely on someone else to do things that he felt he should be doing. Just like all of his brothers, John's a proud man. He doesn't like to ask for anything, wants to stand on his own two feet and do it all for himself. And he couldn't. In John's mind, he was a burden.

Before the accident, we'd made plans to go away one last time in March, before construction began and kept him too busy to do much of anything. "I want to take you someplace hot, Pepper. Someplace with a beach and lots of sun. What do you think of Brazil?"

What did I think of Brazil? Well actually, the first thing I thought when he said Brazil was that I'd buy some kidnap insurance from Thorne and O'Leary. But I agreed to it if that's where he wanted to go because I feel safe with John. He'd never let anything happen to us.

"I want to see you in a bikini instead of bundled up to your eyes," he'd said teasingly. "Every place we've been together has been cold...it's time for some heat, Pepper. It's time for some skin."

"You have a dirty mind, John Biebe," I declared.

"And you love me for it," he shot back.

Well yeah, I guess I do. But thinking of that conversation a week after the accident, I realized that I love him for other things too. Because he's so good to Riley. Because he's a good friend to Bud, and to me. Because he's rock steady, and so good-natured that when he first confessed he had a horrible temper, I didn't believe him. I guess I love John because he's good, period. He and Riley both, they're just good people.

When she mentioned that they were going to be alone for the first time since the accident for the coming weekend, I started thinking. Kind of analyzing the tone of her voice. Was she looking forward to having the house to herself, or was that exhaustion I heard, floating under the surface of her conversation? Mother Hen heard exhaustion. And Mother Hen kicked into action.

***

I asked Bud if we could go to Vermont for a long weekend to help out. And I saw the helplessness in his eyes when he said he just couldn't get away, not even for a weekend. He's been working on a cold case since he came to the SFPD, and it was so close to closing he could taste it. Everything was in place but the results of one final DNA test, and if it came back positive, the department was going to make an arrest. "I can't leave, Sweetheart," he told me. "This thing could break wide open any minute. I gotta be here."

I nodded; it's the nature of the job. Sometimes he just can't get away. But that didn't mean I couldn't.

"That's okay, honey. I understand. Do you care if I go?"

Of course he cared. Nobody knows better than I do that Bud likes to keep me where he can make sure I'm safe...not to mention that he likes me home to...well, you know.. But he wouldn't say so. Not when he was feeling guilty about not being able to help Riley and John. So he shook his head. Told me to go if I wanted to.

"I think I'll ask someone to come along," I said casually. "Someone to help with the fireplaces and all that wood-lugging."

His head swiveled, I got a stony glare. "Yeah? Who? The Preacher?"

"Not Cort, we're too busy down at the shelter. They need him there right now." I shrugged. "I don't know. I'll see who's available up at the Temple."

He got up and went to the kitchen. Came back almost immediately. "Who Darce?"

I glanced up at him and grinned. "Doc," I said. "He's nuts about Riley."

Bud looked at me implacably for a long time. "Uh huh. Sure he is," he said finally. And for once, he didn't say anything else.

***

Doc was free, and only too happy to go and lend his Brother and Riley a hand. I called to tell them we were coming, and as soon as I heard the relief in Riley's voice, I knew that it had been a good decision. Doc and I made the long cross-country flight and got into a rented four wheel drive at the Burlington Airport at close to ten o'clock on Thursday night. I was exhausted; traveling always makes me tired, and Doc didn't look too much better. His face was drawn and a little pale in the green dash light, and he kept rubbing his eyes under his glasses. Wasn't in the best shape to make the unfamiliar hour-long drive in darkness and another damned snowstorm. I suggested a hotel for the night and an early start in the morning. He agreed and we ended up at a Holiday Inn Express near Interstate 89.

The room was your typical motel room....colors neutral to the point of blandness, king-sized bed, television tucked away in an armoire, all white bathroom with coldly impersonal fixtures. Didn't matter to me, we were only going to be there for the night. As soon as we got to the room and put down our luggage, I started running a hot shower. I was chilled to the bone just the short walk from the car to the motel had me shivering. Doc went off in search of hot coffee, and I got into the shower and let it chase the chills away. By the time he came back I was wrapped in a voluminous chenille robe, drying my hair in front of the mirror.

He set the coffee in its Styrofoam cup in front of me and sat on the bed with a sigh of weariness. And of course, typical man...he reached for the remote and turned on the television. He went right to the local news and weather report, and when I came out of the bathroom, he was waiting to go in. I turned the sound all the way down on the TV...just couldn't bear to listen to any noise just then....and climbed into bed. By the time Doc got out of the shower, I was this close to sleep. I was aware of it when he slid closer and spooned against my back, threw his arm over my waist, but just barely. His warmth and solid presence were a comfort, though. I drifted off again; fell deep down into a dreamless sleep.

We were up early the next morning, rarin' to go. I guess both of us were feeling the need to get to the Inn as soon as we could. The roads were clear---at least, the interstate was. A quick stop at McDonald's for coffee and we were on our way.

The closer we got to Stowe, the more my stomach clenched. I couldn't put my finger on why I was so anxious to get there...ever get a feeling like something's wrong? Well, even more wrong than I already knew things were, with John flat on his back and Riles with everything on her shoulders. I leaned forward unconsciously, as if I could make the rented SUV move faster.

Doc's soft voice came quietly, "I'm going as fast as I can without breaking the speed limit too much, honey."

I glanced over at him, took in the stubbled cheek, the strong jaw. "I know, and I don't want you to speed, really. I just feel..."

"Like something's wrong," he finished. "Me too."

It didn't help having it put into words. How can an hour seem like an entire day? But at last we were turning into the long hemlock-bordered driveway. Last night's snow was deep here...nobody had been out to plow. I knew some of their friends from town had promised John and Riley that they'd take care of it, but it was early...only seven-thirty. The SUV broke trail, leaving twin ruts in the six inches of snow behind us.

There were lights on in the entry, and as we got out of the SUV I heard Sophie's muted "Uff uff!" from inside. I grabbed my bag from Doc, he took his, and we all but ran to the door. He knocked and Sophie uffed louder, and then it swung open and we were looking at a woman who was clearly glad to see us. Riley's face brightened like the sun rising over her beloved Mount Mansfield, except that the mountain is in the west. Guess that wouldn't work, but you know what I mean.

"Darce! And Doc, hey!" She opened the door and Soph ran out on the porch to get underfoot, sniffing at Doc, her stub of tail wagging a hundred miles a minute. We stamped snow off our boots and went in to warmth and the aroma of freshly baked cinnamon rolls and brewing coffee. I wrapped Riles up, gave her a good hug and turned her over to Doc. And then I was on my way back to their bedroom to see John.

He was awake...of course he was, with all the ruckus the pooch made. Those crystal blue eyes blazed up at mine, a smile creased his pain-ravaged face.

"Pepper..."

In two strides I was at his side, leaning to kiss him. His breathing was shallow, so I didn't linger long at his mouth. Instead I kissed his forehead, the tip of his nose, and bit gently at his bearded chin. "Hey Sweetness..."

A flood of tears swam in my eyes; I blinked to keep them back against the rush of emotion that tore at my heart. Love, surely, for a man who has come to mean more to me than I ever expected. Compassion for the pain I saw etched in every line of his drawn face. The sweet realization that he was glad I was there. In all the time since John's accident, I had never once given into the tears that threatened when I thought of what we all would have lost if we'd lost him. But now, alone at his bedside with his hand gently cupping the back of my head, I did. I let the tears fall, brought his hand to my face and kissed the palm, then held it against my cheek.

"Hey, hey...is that my Pepper crying? My Bud in a dress?" John teased weakly.

I smiled through tears, pressed his hand closer. "Really blows my hard ass image, doesn't it?"

His grin was crooked, his eyes soft. "You're no hard ass, baby. It's all an act...got the softest heart..."

"Soft where you're concerned, that's for sure." I looked at him, searched his eyes. "How bad is it, sweetie?"

His lashes fell. "Pretty bad, Pepper. I don't like to show it too much for Riles' sake...don't want to worry her, you know? But holy fuck, this hurts."

I kissed his hand again. "She knows, John. There's not much you can hide from her." I cocked my head, smiled. "That woman lives in your soul, you know?"

He nodded. "Thank God for her." His eyes met mine. "For all of you. Thanks for coming, Darce."

"Oh hush! No thanks necessary. Truth is, I couldn't stay away. I was overwhelmed with the need to Mother Hen and play Nurse Darcy." I gave him a saucy grin. "Even brought my uniform," I teased. But his answering smile was weak.

"Good. You can wear it for me later."

"Later," I echoed then stood reluctantly. "I'm gonna go talk to Riles for a minute, baby. Have you had breakfast?"

"Not yet. Not real hungry. Just so fuckin' tired..." He seemed to be drifting off.

I bent and kissed him again. "Then you go back to sleep, Sweetness. And don't worry about anything, okay?"

His eyes were closed, his voice a low murmur. "'Kay. Glad you're here, Pepper...."

***

Riles and Doc were in the kitchen, sitting at the table with mugs of steaming coffee and a plate piled high with hot cinnamon rolls. I got a cup of coffee and sat down with them.

"So tell me how it's been going," I said, reaching for a roll. I pulled it apart as Riley began telling us how things had been since John got home. She tried to make light of it, but I know her. I watched her hands shake until she curled them around her coffee mug.

"...and he's got lots of pills to take," she said, bringing me back to the here and now. AEight different pills at different times each day. I'm terrified I=m gonna mix them up."

"We'll make a chart," I soothed her. "Check it off when we give him a dose."

"He needs to be bathed, not every day because it's so hard to get him up, and I absolutely cannot get the cast wet. Dr. Forsythe told me that, very firmly. Said if it gets wet, it can breed bacteria, infect the incision." Her eyes were huge, worried.

"Then we cut a trash bag and tuck it under the leg to keep it dry. Don't sweat this stuff, hon, okay? There's always a way, and we'll manage."

She nodded absently. "The worst of it is I have to go into town today. The engineer called...he needs to meet with me. Said it can't be put off. He wanted John, but John's in no shape to talk about this stuff right now. So even though I hate to leave him, I have to go." She looked at Doc and then me. "Thank God you two came...talk about the nick of time."

Doc covered her hand with his. "Sweetie, you do what you need to do. If the meeting is that important, you go." He squeezed her fingers, said with reassurance in his tone, "You're doing really well, Riley. Doing a great job."

I nodded agreement. "You sure are, babe. Listen, there isn't one of us who wouldn't need help in this situation, believe me. And we're here to help." I stood up. "Doc, you wanna plow the driveway so Riles can get out when she has to go? And Riles...tell me who to call...I'll tell them it's taken care of, so they don't come out here for nothing."

She got up, seemed glad to have something to do, and gave me a list with names and numbers. "I don't know who is coming, so you'll have to call them all, Darce."

I nodded. "Okay, I can do that." I went for the phone, and what I thought were going to be quick calls to tell folks they didn't need to come and plow turned into long conversations to bring everyone up to speed on John=s condition. I hate to talk on the phone, and even though I paced the house through each call, I was both gratified and amazed at the warmth these Vermonters had for Riley and John. Astonishing, when you consider they only moved here in September. Six months, and they'd already made one hell of a mark on this small and tightly knit community.

But then, that's Riley and John.

Two hours later the driveway was done, John had eaten breakfast, taken his pills, and Riley and I had got him to the bathroom without him falling over. The cast was really awkward....it went from thigh to foot. But we finally got him settled on the toilet and I left while Riles stayed with him to make sure he was okay. While he was out of it, I made up the bed with fresh sheets and neatened the room a little. I was on my way to the kitchen to put the soiled sheets in the laundry when I heard them laughing in the bathroom and smiled myself. And then John called for me, laughter in his tone, that deep baritone reverberating through the kitchen, "Hey Nurse Darcy! Come wipe my bum!"

"Tell your old lady to do it!" I called back. "I'll give you a bath, but I ain't wiping your ass."

By the time we got John back in bed it was after twelve, time for Riles to get ready for her meeting. While she showered, I pulled Doc outside for a quick conference out of earshot.

"I want you to go into town with Riles today, Doc," I said, lighting a cigarette and ignoring his pained look as I blew smoke skyward.

His eyebrow hooked questioningly. "Do you think that's a good idea, Darce? Won't you need help getting John to the bathroom or something? I mean, how can you manage that alone?"

I shrugged carelessly. "He's already been for number twos, and I can have him go in a bottle for the other." I grinned wickedly. "He'll love it if I hold it for him."

Doc laughed shortly. "Guess he would. Still think it's a bad idea to leave you alone, though. We could be gone for hours."

I crushed my cigarette out in a flower pot holding damp soil and a dead geranium. "Doc, did you look at Riles today? I mean really look."

He didn't reply, just pushed his glasses up his nose and set his lips.

"Yeah, I thought so. She's a nervous wreck, Doc. I caught her giving John a double dose of his pain meds...caught her just in time. She had the bottles mixed up." I shoved my hands in my pockets against the cold. "She needs a break. I want you to take her into town for her meeting and then take her to dinner. She won't want to stay away, but you can talk her into it." I turned to look at Mount Mansfield in the distance. "When she sees that John is just fine when she comes back, she'll realize that she can do it too...be alone here with him, I mean. And I think that just talking about the Inn puts her into another frame of mind. She'll go all professional, and that's what she needs right now. She needs to realize that she's a competent woman, and nothing builds confidence like success, right?"

His eyes were soft as they gazed at me. "You sure you can handle him alone, Darce?"

"Me? Is the Pope Catholic? Piece of cake, baby." I turned back toward the house. "Come on, you charmer. Let's go in and spring it on her that she's having company this afternoon."

RILEY

Jesus, my head was spinning. I had just come to grips with the responsibility of taking care of John and, well the world. Decided that all I could do was my best, and when Darce and Doc arrived, I know I should have relinquished everything to them. Just knew I should resign myself to taking some time to rest and recuperate from all the trauma.

But I didn't. I tried, I swear I really tried. Told them everything about John, his needs, his medications. But something inside made me feel like I still had to do it all.

Then I fucked up. Big time. I was so exhausted, zoning out, actually. I looked at my watch, went to the kitchen counter and stared at the chart Darce helped me put together. And even though I was sure I was doing the right thing . . . Jesus! I picked up the wrong bottle! Poured a glass of water as I stared out the window and took the pill to John.

Darce was great though. She looked at the blue capsule then snatched it from John's hand. "Didn't you just take a blue one? Damn, I must have lined these bottles up wrong, Riles. I'm so sorry, let me go get the right one."

They weren't lined up wrong. I was lined up wrong. I made a joke to keep John off guard. "Hey baby, you got that life insurance paid up?"

He chuckled. But I think he knew. He had to know I was losing it. The compassionate look in his eyes was heart wrenching.

I ran away. Left the room. Left the damn house and went out to the pond. Then I sat for a little on the bench Lachlan had built near the Bear's grave.

"Oh Grandpa Luke! Help me, please." I sobbed into my palms. What the hell was I going to do? I was feeling like there was nothing I could do right, as though I was out of my mind, trying to have that meeting with our engineers.

Maybe I should just stop the whole circus. Tell the engineers we're going to postpone the construction. John would be so pissed. He didn't even realize his meeting was scheduled for that day, but he clearly wanted things to move ahead as planned. How logical was that? Even Ralph, the managing project engineer had no idea about the accident. Had no clue why I was refusing to let him come to the house.

Take the help, my inner voice shouted. Let Darcy and Doc take care of the things they can, and you take care of what you can.

That's what I'd do.

Doc looked like he was prepared for an argument when he told me he'd join me for my meeting, then take me out to dinner. I didn't give him one. Looking at Darcy, knowing how strong, capable and loving she is, I knew she'd be fine for a few hours. I trusted John in her able hands.

After I showered and dressed in my favorite business suit, grey with a long blazer, slacks and my best leather boots, I sat on the bed beside John. His eyebrows shot up.

"Are ya leaving, baby? Is it something I said?" He joked.

I smiled. "I'm going into town with Doc. Do some shopping then have dinner. Leave you a little time alone with your Nurse Darcy. That okay?"

"That's good." He tried to shuffle himself on the bed with absolutely no luck. So his arm reached up and pulled me to his mouth. He kissed so sweetly, I almost ratted myself out, told him I was meeting with the engineers.

I sighed. "Listen, John. Hold off on your therapy till we get back this evening, all right? Just rest, and enjoy yourself."

"You make sure you do the same, Riles." His hand cupped my cheek.

I looked down at him. The swelling was all gone, but there were modeled green and purple bruises all over his beautiful face and neck, the cuts on his cheek and forehead were healing. I tenderly ran a finger over them then kissed each one.

As Doc helped me with my coat, I turned to Darcy.

"Listen," I said, tugging on my gloves. "John doesn't know I'm meeting with the engineers. I don't want him to know." I watched that familiar concern soar across her face. Darcy hates this kind of stuff. "Don't worry," I assured her. "I'll tell him when I get back. I need to make a decision about all this. See how the meeting goes and decide..."

"Decide what?" They asked together.

"I need to decide if I should postpone construction or not. It's my decision now." With a steady gaze into their eyes, they finally nodded agreement.

I picked up my loaded briefcase and we were off.

DARCY

I finally got them both out of the house and just stood in living room for a moment, soaking up the quiet. Checked the fires, threw a log on the one in the guest bedroom, just to keep it going. And then I went in to see my patient. He was awake, but a little groggy. Had to pee. We did the thing with the bottle, and John's face burned red. I have had this man six ways from Sunday...probably touched his penis more than he has, (well no, not that much) and still he was embarrassed. Of course, I knew it wasn't because I saw him pee. It was because I saw him weak. So after disposing of the goods, I came back and crawled into bed beside him, careful not to jostle him too much. He lifted his arm and I laid in the crook of it, my head on the pillow beside him.

"Want to talk, Sweetness?"

"Always want to talk to you, Pepper," he said, but for long minutes, neither of us said a word. I could feel the tension in him, lying stiff beside me.

"John, you need to learn patience, honey. And maybe a touch of humility."

He shifted restlessly, grimaced in pain.

"No lectures, okay Darce?"

"Well hell. I have a captive audience here. That's asking a lot, John."

He nodded. "Yeah, I know. But do it for me."

My fingertips scribed lazy circles on his stomach. "Got ya. You know what I was going to say anyhow."

Another nod. "Yeah, I do. And I know you're right. But I don't wanna hear it."

"Fair enough," I agreed. "Are you hungry?"

"Nope."

"Do you want to be alone?"

His arm tightened. "Nope. Like you here next to me."

I realized he probably hadn't heard about the aftermath of the auction, the dumb thing I'd done. So I launched into that story, told him about Bud and his Lynn clone date. Told him how I'd made an ass of myself, and that Chris Isaak was a nice guy, someone he'd like.

His head turned and lifted, he glared down at me. "How much do you like him?"

I rolled my eyes. "Here we go."

"Darce? Seriously..."

I propped on an elbow and looked him in the eyes. "I like him a lot. He's a nice man," I said. "But he's not a Brother, so don't worry. It's not there."

His head dropped back to the pillow. "Fuck, don't scare me like that."

"You're a fine one to talk about scaring people, John Biebe," I snorted indignantly.

"Yeah, guess so." His voice was low, a little strained. "Darce?"

I reached out, caressed his bearded cheek. "What honey?"

"Is it time for my pain pill?"

I checked the clock...he still had half an hour to go, but I'm not a stickler for rules. "I'll get you one," I said, and went to the kitchen.

RILEY

As always, Ralph was set up in a suite in Stowe. Usually he came alone for meetings at the old house, or John went to New York. But this time, Ralph had another man with him. Kevin is the contracting supervisor on the project. I'd never met him, but John had said he was one hard ass.

Doc and I walked into the suite and I moved with confidence, opening my briefcase and making introductions.

"This is my brother-in-law, Jeff. This is Ralph and, um, you must be Kevin." I shook Kevin's hand, sat at the table and briskly pulled out my notes and the rolled blueprints.

Ralph cleared his throat and sat tentatively across from me. "Ah, we thought we were meeting with John...at the Inn. Mrs. Biebe, we have several things to discuss that you may not..."

I squared a glare at him. "Do you really think I'm not up to speed on all this, Ralph? Do I look like a woman who would let her husband keep her in the dark?"

Doc chuckled and sat on the sofa to watch.

"Of course not, no. No."

"What you look like lady, is a wife making changes," Kevin grunted.

"Do I, Kev?" John said he hated to be called Kev.

"Yeah," he glared back. "Like maybe you and Mister B have split up or something and we need to take a serious look at refinancing this fucking project."

"Hey!" Doc stood. "Let the lady talk . . . Kev."

Ralph was nervous, like he always seems to be. His little black eyes darted between me, his client, and Kevin, the best contracting supervisor in five states. "Mrs. Biebe, um, Riley. Where's John?"

It was hard as hell, but I didn't let my guard down, didn't melt. Looked him square in the eye. "Ralph, do you remember two weeks ago when you were here? All that blasting on the mountain?"

He gave a shaky chuckle, nodded.

"Well, there was an avalanche. Three men were trapped up there, and John went to help."

"Oh dear!" He reached for my hand, clasped it tight. "Did they find the men?"

"Yes, but they lost John in a second avalanche and..."

Kevin stomped to the phone. "Jesus fucking Christ, I'm calling the financier."

"Wait!" Ralph said sharply and Kev actually stopped dialing. "What happened, Riley?"

"He's home." Finally my face softened at his genuine concern. "But he's in bad shape. I didn't want to upset him. That's why we have to meet here. Trust me, I know what I need to know. Can we just have this meeting? Please?"

"No." Kevin stomped to the table, looked down at me. "I need to see the structure. And I need to see it this weekend if we're going to do this on schedule."

"Well," I leaned back, slid my files back into the briefcase. "Then perhaps we need to discuss the schedule. And the project all together, right gentlemen?"

I glanced at Doc, watched his smile as the two men started to sweat bullets. The Inn, this project, represented a hell of a lot of money and prestige for both of them. It didn't take long.

Kevin was the first to concede. He sat, ran a hand down his face and finally looked at me, really looked at me. "How bad is he?"

It wasn't like I really believed he gave a shit, he was just trying hard to get into my good graces.

"They had to rebuild his leg. Broken hip, punctured lung. Bad." I said, controlling any emotion in my voice.

"Jesus," poor Ralph's hands were shaking.

"So, I think we need to talk, don't you guys? Believe me; I have studied everything I could get my hands on. Everything I could find in the house, and I know where we are on this. Now what?"

"Well," Ralph sighed. "You know the schedule. You'll have to move out of that bedroom in two weeks. Can you do that?"

I nodded.

"And Kevin is right, Riley. He has to see the structure. How can we do that if we can't go over there? The aluminum forms for the greenhouse addition are done, already on their way. You tell us what you'd like us to do, sweetheart."

Ralph called me sweetheart. I wanted to giggle at that, but I looked at Doc for advice. He joined us at the table.

"Gentlemen," he said smoothly. "My brother's in pretty bad shape right now. But he wants this done, and done on time. We can talk him out of it if there's no way to continue without his participation, but I can assure you, Riley is on top of things."

"I don't like the idea of John in that house when we break out walls," Ralph said with honest concern. "Can he walk at all right now?"

"Not really, it's hard," I groaned. "But in two weeks, he'll be able to move fairly well, they'll be giving him a smaller cast. He's working on his rehab."

"Mrs. Biebe," Kevin said softly. "John's a fucking athlete; he'll get through this fine. But would you consider taking him someplace else if he's not well enough for us to start?"

I shrugged, hadn't even thought of that. But we all know John. There was no way this could go on without him watching over it. He'd already put his heart and soul into this thing. He'd never agree.

Ralph shuffled in his seat, leaned back and rubbed his eyes. "What does John really want, Riley? I know you're saying he wants it done on time, but... "

"I know, I know. Just give me all the options, all your concerns. I'll talk to him this evening and you can come by tomorrow. Just please, don't upset him, okay?"

And so it went. For nearly two hours I listened, took notes and asked questions. When we were finished, I felt a little better.

DARCY

John fell asleep again; those pills knock him out. I checked the fires, looked into the freezer and found lots of Riley's homemade meals separately wrapped and ready to pop in the microwave, so that took care of dinner, and then I went back into the bedroom to look in on him. His breathing was good...nice deep healthy-sounding breaths. I stood beside him and just watched him sleep, laid a hand lightly on his forehead to check for fever. Cool as a cucumber, but when he woke, I'd take his temperature anyway to be sure.

There was nothing to do, really. The house was as clean as a house could be, and John was resting comfortably, so I settled down in the easy chair next to the bed with a book. Just felt like I wanted to be close to him...almost losing John had made him extra precious. It had been brought home to me that a relationship I'd kind of taken for granted was something I'd be bereft without.

I don't know how to describe my feelings for John. I love him, certainly...but there are degrees of love, as we all know. For all that I love each of the Brothers; there are some who mean more to me than the rest, simply because I know them better. And over time, I have come to know John very well.

It's an odd relationship. We are lovers, certainly...but we are friends even more. Maybe we're closer than friends. It's truly a family kind of feeling, though I hesitate to say that. Sounds almost incestuous when you consider that we can't keep our hands off each other, but the trust is there, like it would be with a brother. I am secure in the knowledge that John is someone I can absolutely count on, that he listens to what I say, and he's always standing behind me like a faithful guardian. He's gotten me through some dark days, my Sweetness.

I thought back, far back to our first visit. John was Reagan's Number One then, and when she asked for Bud, I asked for John. Fair exchange, right? But in the meantime, Jeff called to say he was coming home from England with Paul, right when John would be with me. I smiled to myself, remembering John's irritation at hearing he wouldn't have my full attention. We should have known it then; that initial time kind of set the pattern for every visit we've had since.

Lots of time went by and I didn't see John alone until the day Riley and I planned dinner for the four of us together, and everything got mixed up. Turned out to be one hell of a night, and the next day I waited, thinking he'd call or write. I mean, I had a lovely time and I thought John did too, but I didn't hear a peep out of him. And of course, that pissed me off. And me being me, I didn't hesitate to let him know.

The emails came: he was sorry. As time went by and I was unrelenting, he got worried. And there followed one of the most romantic gestures any man has ever made to me. He began sending me poems, some of them calculated to make me pause and reflect, some obviously meant to restore my sense of humor. I'd committed each one to memory, and as I watched him sleep, I recited them silently in my mind.

...and this more human love (which will consummate itself infinitely thoughtfully, and gently, and well and clearly in binding and loosing) will be something like that which we are preparing with struggle and toil, the love which consists in the mutual guarding, bordering and saluting of two solitudes.
---Reginald Snell, 1945

The thing on the blind side of the heart,
On the wrong side of the door,
The green plant groweth, menacing
Almighty lovers in the Spring;
There is always a forgotten thing,
And love is not secure.
---Ballad of the White Horse, 1911

Only God, my dear,
Could love you for yourself alone
And not for your yellow hair.
--- Anne Gregory, 1932

Vous savez bien que l'amour, c'est anant tout le don de soi!
You know very well that love is, above all, the gift of oneself!
--- Arele, 1949

Each day he sent a new poem, each day my heart softened. But I can be stubborn, and I can be...well, the word callous comes to mind. John however, is patience personified, at least with me. And finally came the poem that brought a rush of scalding tears to my eyes, and let the feeling for John that was kindling in my heart burn a little brighter.

And he crawled,
Beer and "hot pepper" polish in hand,
Loving the woman beneath his lips,
And wanting only more.
----John Biebe, 2004

I've never understood why he thinks I'm worth writing poetry for, but I'm glad that he does. And over the course of time since he's become Riley's beloved, I have learned to love him too. I think of it as a kinder, gentler love, one that expects nothing, demands nothing. It just is what it is. Easy. Comfortable. Steadfast. He has taken Terry's place as my friend of the heart, ma carde ma chroi.

His voice, hoarse from sleep, interrupted my thoughts. "Pepper? You reading that book or daydreaming, eh?"

I looked up, saw the rainbow of bruises coloring his face, the tousled bed hair, the gentle eyes, and I was grateful to be seeing them. "Neither," I admitted. "I'm thinking of you. Remembering things..."

Several expressions flitted over his features, a self-effacing grimace followed by bashful pleasure, even a little pride. "What are you remembering?" He asked softly, and I could tell that suddenly, he was remembering too. That in a flash of time, the images were crowding his head, just as they'd been in mine.

"Everything," I said softly. "Every time you tolerated my smart mouth, every time you cupped my face and looked in my eyes. Every time you listened to me, and every time you came over, just to talk." I smiled at him. "And I'm remembering the poems. Especially the last one."

We shared a long look, eyes eloquent. "Hey Sweetness," I finally said.

"Yeah baby?"

I smiled when I said it, but I was serious as hell. "Don't ever leave me, okay?"

"Come here, Darce."

I got up, slid into the bed beside him as he opened his arm to pull me in close. "Never," was all he said.

RILEY

"What would you like, sweetie?" Doc asked from behind the menu.

I was preoccupied, my mind still on the meeting, the decision I'd made. Wondering if I'd left myself a loophole, an out, just in case I was wrong. I was looking at the menu, but not seeing the words. "I'll have whatever you're having." I closed the menu with a groan.

"Riles," he sighed, slid off his glasses and rubbed his eyes. "What's bothering you, honey?"

I didn't answer, just fingered the flatware.

"Well, I will tell you something, sweetie. You surprised the hell out of me back there. I've heard you can be a tough businesswoman, just never thought I'd see it. You had those two eating out of your hand."

"No, I didn't, Jeff. I had them scared. I threatened them. That's not how I do business. I reached for the lowest trick in my bag."

"And it worked."

I looked into his eyes. "No, it just sped the process a bit. I still have problems. I feel ... I feel ..."

"What, honey?"

"I feel like I've betrayed John. Like I've gone for the easy solutions. Like maybe I'm just selfish enough not to really consider his needs, only mine. Jeff," I leaned across the table toward him and whispered my confession. "I really want the Inn finished on time too, maybe even more than John does."

He laughed aloud. "Riley, you are one funny woman. First of all, you did not betray John in any way. You took care of a meeting for him, that's all, and you did a stellar job of it too. He's going to be very proud of you. Lord knows he couldn't do what you did today. John knows that too. And how are you selfish?" He sipped bourbon. "Sweetie, seems to me like you and John want the same thing. As bad as he looks and feels today, it is only temporary. Trust me, I understand the psychology of this thing."

He reached for my hand, squeezed it gently in his with a sweet smile. "John needs this to go on as planned. Right now, he's starving for it. Believe me. And you need it too. Honey, it's the future. Yours and John's future. Postponing it would be devastating to him. Make him feel even worse."

"But..."

"You'll work out the details as they come up. If he's not up to snuff, take him to stay in town for the nights. We both know he won't stay away, so figure on shuttling back and forth. But my guess is, he'll make sure he's ready. Knowing it's coming, he'll be excited, alive with it. And, pretty little one, so will you."

I smiled. Doc's words warmed my whole heart. "Have I told you lately how much I love you?"

"No, you haven't. But I will tell you this. I'm nuts for you, Riley. Love you a lot. Miss you too."

I blinked, realizing how long it would be before I could again go off on visits.

"But I'm a patient man."

DARCY

We fell asleep, both of us, wrapped up as tightly as we could considering his leg and lung. I woke just in time to give him his next pill and feed him some dinner before it stopped being dinner and became a late night snack. We ate together in the bedroom, John in the bed with the tray on his lap, me in the chair, and when we'd finished, I got up to take his plate away and looked out the window. The dawn to dusk light was on in the back yard, and I saw huge feathery flakes swirling in its glare. Snowing again, but so far there wasn't enough to worry about. I didn't know when to expect Riley and Doc, but I didn't think they'd be all that long.

No sooner did I think that and they came in, blowing the horn as they drove up the lane, bringing the scent of pine and cold and snow with them, laughing as they dusted each other's hair and shoulders off out on the porch. Riley was glowing, her cheeks pink with pleasure and the cold, her eyes bright, full of life again. Doc had clearly worked his magic on her. She rushed in to see John without taking off her coat, and I took a few private minutes with Doc, my newest partner in crime.

"It went well?" I whispered, sotto voce.

"It went great," he whispered back. "Coming back, she was like a different person."

I gave him a grin and the OK sign and started to the kitchen to make fresh coffee. One thing about this bunch, we're always ready for coffee.

***

John was complaining to Riley; I heard him through the door as I scooped fragrant grounds into the basket and poured fresh cold water into the reservoir.

"I stink, baby. I want a bath. Fuck, I need a bath."

"Right now? This minute?" She said, and I grinned at the teasing note in her voice. Our Riles was back with a vengeance.

"Well, maybe not this minute," he hedged. "But tonight."

"I don't think I can manage all alone, you're way too heavy." Her voice floated out to me: light, falsely musing, teasing him as much as I do. "I'd better get Doc to help."

"God sakes, Doc? No fuckin' way. Get Darce. You think I'm gonna pass up this chance, Baby? Think again, eh."

I decided that was a good time to let them know I'd been eavesdropping. "I get the bottom half!" I shouted.

***

I wanted to bathe him in the bed, but John insisted on going into the bathroom. Said his back hurt from lying flat and he wanted to get up, and after thinking about his collapsed lung and the dangers of pneumonia, I agreed. Too much lying down wasn't good for him, even if it was really hard to move with that cast.

We got him up, got him into the bathroom without mishap. Sat him on a chair in the shower with his casted leg wrapped in plastic trash bags and propped on the toilet. He wanted his hair washed. Said it hadn't been since the accident and he couldn't stand it anymore, so we figured out a way. And oh baby, what a way.

Riles got naked and got in the tub with him. He sat sideways in the chair and leaned back against her. She used the spray attachment, soaked his head down then lathered him up. I knelt outside the tub, armed with towels to catch every drip and keep the water away from the cast. It was an awkward, slippery operation, and it was funny as hell. From my knees, I grinned up at a naked John, lolling back against a naked, lather-covered Riley while she scrubbed his head.

"Better do his beard and face now, too," I suggested. "Hell, do everything you can reach."

"Do everything you can reach, Pepper." John grinned down at me, a wicked leer on his face.

"That's Nurse Darcy ma'am to you," I retorted, but I winked when I said it.

He grinned and turned his face into Riley's breast. "Mmmm...this is what I call a bath," he murmurmed, nose deep in her cleavage.

"No funny stuff in front of the Sister," I cracked. "Save it for later."

"I'm having a little Padre fantasy," John drawled. "Two Sisters, wet, naked. And me..."

"Yeah, and you. Wet, naked, and crippled. I just want to get you back into bed without dropping you," I said, and grinned up at Riles. "He's like a big old slippery fish, ain't he, Sister?"

"He'd flop right out of your hands," she grinned, and I wiggled my eyebrows and giggled.

John scowled. "Hey! Was that a sex crack?"

"Sure was. Good to see you're not losing your edge, pal."

"Lost some, but I still know a sex crack when I hear it," he assured us.

Working together, we got his hair and face rinsed without getting the cast wet, and then we each took a side and washed that. About halfway through he stopped enjoying it. I saw him grit his teeth against the pain and threw a look at Riles. She'd noticed too, so we hurried to finish. Got him dried and buttoned into a soft flannel shirt he used as a pajama top. After some discussion, we decided not to bother with jocks.

John crutched back into the bedroom and sighed with relief as he settled into bed again. I stirred to action...I admit I'd been admiring his bare ass as he bent over his crutches...and lifted his leg, propped it with pillows again. "We really should rent him a hospital bed," I said to Riley, grunting under the weight of the cast. "Then he can sit up in bed comfortably and have his leg elevated too."

She shot me a grin. "Good idea, Darce. I'll call tomorrow; the pharmacy in town arranges that kind of stuff."

"Hey," John protested, glaring at her. "I don't want a hospital bed...they only come in singles. I want you in bed with me at night. I fuckin' had enough of sleeping alone to last me for a long time."

"We could buy one of those Craftmatic Adjustable things," I suggested. "They come in all sizes, even king. Got separate controls, too."

"Forget it," John groused. "I'll be better before it gets here."

"Have it your way then," I shrugged. "Though I should think if you used your imagination John, you'd realize how handy a bed like that could be, even after the cast comes off."

Riley piped up: "Don't give him ideas, Darce. He falls out of the bed we have now," she looked at him and said under her breath, "God sakes."

***

Nothing much more to tell about my sojourn in Vermont playing Nurse Darcy. Saturday passed quietly, just more of the same on my part. Doc and I made dinner together while John and Riley had their meeting with the contractors. It wore him out; he slept most of the night. Sunday Riles and Doc took a walk while I sat with John and read to him. He fell asleep, of course, just like a kid does. Didn't wake up even when Doc and Riley came back. But that night he felt chipper enough to play a few hands of euchre. With Riley beside him, cross-legged on the bed, and Doc and me in chairs around his wheeled table, we did okay. Had a great time, really. John even drank a beer, against doctor's orders. Nurse Darcy gave it to him over everyone else's protests. Like I said, I was never one for rules.

RILEY

I took one more look around the guest room, helped Darcy with her bag and walked to the door. Darce went to say her goodbyes to John, and I stood in the kitchen, looking up into Doc's beautiful eyes.

"Thanks for everything," I said softly, then reached up on tip toes, my arms around his neck. We kissed, so warm and long. My legs wrapped around his waist and he chuckled.

"Oh, Riley," he said into my ear. "You are my pretty little one, you know that. You'll always have a special place in my heart, honey." Another luscious kiss. "Always."

When Darcy came from the bedroom, I took her into my arms. "Jesus, Nurse Darcy. You are a gift. What would I have done without you?"

"Probably drowned him in the tub," she teased. "Take care of you, hon. That's the only way you can take care of him."

"I will," I promised. Called it again as I waved from the porch.

DARCY

SFO, Monday afternoon, Doc and I waited near the carousel for our luggage. He was quiet, maybe a little morose. I knew what was bothering him and I could have spared him, but that's not me.

Bags in hand, we started for the parking lot. "So..." he said, and left the word dangling in the fog-dampened air.

"So..." I repeated. "Guess Mere and Hando are there by now, don't you think?"

"Yeah, sure they are. Don't worry, Mother Hen. They'll be okay."

I nodded. "Sure they will. I'm not worried."

"Of course not...not you," he grinned.

We'd reached the elevator, he stabbed the up button with a thick finger and we walked into a stainless steel cage. "Thanks for going with me, Doc. I'm really glad you were there with me."

"Always be there for you, Darce. You and Riley and John too. Count on it."

"I do, Jeff. Believe me, I do."

His head swiveled slowly until he was looking down at me. "Darce?"

"Yeah?"

"You only call me Jeff when..." He waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

I gazed up at him; let a slow smile bloom on my face. "Yeah," I said. "I know."