JOHN

"I'm fine. Don't concern yourself with me, John. You have bigger troubles." And he chuckled.

God sakes, that old man had one hell of a sense of humor. Always made me laugh. "I'll miss you, Luke."

"Well, better that you miss me . . . than she miss you, nephew."

I nodded sadly. "Thank you." Man, I wanted to cry. "Thanks so much."

He shook his head, waved off my gratitude as though he'd just carried a few tools to the shed for me instead of saved my life.

I stretched my aching leg and looked around. "Where are we?" The sun was brilliant; the terrain smooth, golden with waving buffalo grass, and it was hot as hell. The land seemed to roll on and on forever, but to the west stood a majestic looming purple mountain range.

"That's the Black Hills, nephew. Paha Sapa. My home." He sighed. "I've waited a long time to come back home."

"And, what am I doing here?"

He laughed, stood and ran a hand down his chin. Was I nuts, or did he actually look younger? Hell, he even moved like a young man. His hair was becoming darker even as I watched him.

"You're just visiting," He bend down and gathered a handful of small stones then sat on the ground next to me, his fist tight. "I wanted you to see this place. Isn't it beautiful?"

I gazed around. Nodded. It was amazing. More beautiful than any photo I've ever seen of it. I sighed, looked into his deep dark eyes, darker than I remember. His skin was tanned; his long black hair glowed in the sunlight, loose, blowing in the breeze. He opened his palm.

"These are for you to carry."

I looked. I could have sworn he'd just picked up a few pebbles, but there in his hand was a bear claw, similar to mine only larger. A chunk of bone. And a large tooth. I looked up at him. He smiled, showing me the hole in his mouth. But the tooth in his hand was not human. Bear.

"Take them," he carefully dropped the strange items in my hand.

"What do I do with them?"

"You'll know who they belong to," and he began to walk away.

"Hey!" I called. "No goodbye?"

Without turning, his warrior's back strong and broad, he waved a hand. "Oh, you'll see me again, John."

I could swear he was talking inside my head. I shook it, patted my palm against my ear, looked up and he was gone. Everything went black.

"John? Baby, wake up. John."

Riley? I tried to talk, but my throat felt like sandpaper. Tried to open my eyes. Jesus, every fucking muscle and bone in my body was screaming. I took a slow deep breath. Not too deep, it hurt way too much. Tried to fucking relax against the pain. The old man wasn't kidding when he said I had bigger troubles. How the hell was I going to keep enough wood for the fireplaces? Take care of all the things that needed to be finished before work began on the Inn? Fuck. Fuck. "Fuck"

I heard her giggle. "That's your first word? Fuck?"

I think I smiled. Finally my eyes cracked opened. The room was dim, like it must be snowing outside the big window. Slowly, so damn slowly I began to see her face. Riley. "Hey, Baby."

It came out like a growl. I wanted to reach for her, but the effort required said, hell no. So I settled for just looking at her.

Jesus fucking Christ. She looked terrible.

RILEY

"Hey, Baby right back at you." I don't think I'd ever been so happy in my whole life. He still looked like a train wreck, but his eyes were opened and he talked to me. Tears threatened and I turned to hide them, busying myself with wetting a cloth to smooth over his brow. "How are you feeling?" I asked, waiting for my control.

"Wonderful. Let's go dancing tonight." I heard his raspy voice and I laughed. I laughed. I was afraid I'd never laugh again. And there I was. Laughing, can you believe it?

Soothing his brow, I looked down into those beautiful baby blues, they were searching mine, reading my heart. "I love you, John." I took his hand in mine and set it against my face. His thumb moved over my lips, gathered the tears from beneath my eye.

"Riles," he whispered, his own tears running down into his hair. "I'm so sorry, Baby."

"Shh," I pulled my chair close, leaned my head on the bed next to his. "No. Shh, don't be sorry. You helped save two lives."

With a loud groan, his arm crawled over me then pressed me close. I kissed his lips, sucking softly. "What day is it?" John sighed.

"Thursday."

"God sakes. You've been alone all this time? Did you have enough wood? Did
you . . ."

"Hey, hey. Slow down." I sat up in my chair, clasping his hand. "I haven't been alone. Trust me. Everyone's here. Bud was even up there with the search party. He took Sophie. She found you, John."

His eyes were deep in mine. "I know." And a grimace of pain soared across his face. "Fuck!"

***

After the nurse took care of the discomfort, as she called it, we were all permitted five minutes with John. I think he was overwhelmed. It was like a body press, several Brothers and Sisters giggling and jostling for a position where they could see him.

I knew the pain killers would knock him out soon, so I'd told them all not to be offended if he drifted off on them. More chuckles then the line formed. First the Sisters. I stepped back, watching how loved he is. How much he means to them.

Isobel ran her soft palm down his face and drew an invisible mark, a star on his forehead with her thumb before she softly kissed his lips. "Love you, Papa Bear." She whispered and made way for Dee.

"Need a good rehab D.I.? I certainly have the practice," she teased then kissed his cheek, quietly imparting a private message into his ear.

Reagan ran her fingers deep in his hair. "You're gonna be fine, Johnnie. Just fine." Her kiss was deep and loving. John groaned as he raised his arm to embrace her.

"Hey, baby." He said as Nat moved close, pushing tears away and smiling. Damn, Nat is the only woman I've ever known who looks absolutely beautiful when she cries. She kissed John and told him of her love, her joy that he's all right.

Monica walked slowly to John and smiled.

"You okay, Monna?" He asked softly.

She nodded and pecked a chaste kiss on his cheek. "I'm so grateful you're safe, John."

Meredith bellied up to the bed, smiled that wicked grin of hers and put her hands on her hips. "I suppose our next visit will be canceled, won't it John?"

"When is it?" He bit his battered lip.

"Tomorrow. I mean, I've had men give me excuses, but this one's a real doozie!" She blinked back tears. Kissed him and said, "Love you, John. We'll reschedule. Just don't tell Hando."

"Oi!"

The room broke into laughter.

Darcy sauntered up to him like it was some big inconvenience but John saw right through it. "Sweet Pepper, I sure could have used some of your heat up there."

"Didn't you get it? I sent the package first class." She touched his face tenderly. "Jesus, Sweetness. You scared the hell out of us."

"Thanks for being here," he whispered as she settled her lips gently on his bruised mouth.

"Where else would we be, John?" They kissed again and I tried not to cry. I don't look nearly as good as Nat when I blubber.

"K, mates, listen up." Terry held up a clipboard he stole from the nurse's station. "John, we put together a plan here. Since most of us gotta get back, we set a schedule for the next few weeks."

He cleared his throat. "Max and Reags will stay in Vermont till Lachlan can get back from jetting the rest of us all over the fuckin' continent. Right?" He looked around and everyone nodded. "Good. Lach's gonna stay with Riles till you get your sorry arse outa here. That'll be at least a week, maybe less with good behavior," he glared down at John who actually chuckled painfully. "You and Riles will have a little privacy for a weekend then Hando and Mere are comin' for a week. After that, we volunteered Alex for a week. He can chop wood, can't he mates?"

Everyone laughed, but I noticed John tearing up. This was killing him. He was so into being the big man of the manor. Now he'd be reduced to watching someone else take care of things. Terry continued, talking a bit faster and trying to keep everyone's attention on him. Away from John's tears.

"Then," he said, waving his hand with a flair, "as the trucks move in for construction, we'll send in the big guns. Colin for a week, then Cort, and East called to take a week. After that mate," he'd walked to the bed, clasped John's hand. "If you're not up to snuff, tough fuckin' luck. Cause then it'll be my turn in the rotation, and I know nothin' 'bout construction. So you better get well . . . fast."

I turned away as the Brothers moved to John, then slowly left the room, their Number Ones on their arms.

"Bud," John said and he turned back.

"Yeah, Hockey Puck?"

"Thanks man."

"Yeah, well I ain't gonna be warm again for a fucking month."

"Thanks." John repeated.

"Anytime."

"Can you ask Max to come back? I need to talk to him before I enter the twilight zone."

JOHN

Riley walked out to say her farewells and I just tried to fucking focus, to fight the medicine.

"Mate?"

I turned to the door. "Lach. What's up?" Jesus, I wanted to sit up, to talk face to face with him. Show him I wasn't completely helpless. But I was.

He came in. "I gotta get a few hours sleep before I can fly. But I wanted to ask ya. Is this okay with you? Me staying with Riles? 'Cause I can switch."

"She needs you, Lach. I'm glad it's you." And I meant it. "She needs her best friend. You take care of her, man. Anything she needs. You hear me? Anything she needs."

He blinked then smiled. "Right now, she needs sleep and a bit of tucker. Maybe you can talk her into that, John. We booked her a hotel room right down the street."

"I will. Go get some sleep yourself." Another man might have strut out like a proud cock. But Lach is a good friend. A good Brother.

Thankfully, Max and Riles came back before I completely fell asleep. "Max, I'm starting to zone out here, so I gotta get this out. You need to find the bear and bury it."

Riles gasped.

"Yeah, Baby. I know." She held my hand, sadness in her eyes. Max looked sad too. I knew he would.

"Bury it on the land. Do it right, Riles, the way Grandpa Luke would have appreciated." I gasped, even with the medication kicking the shit out of me; the pain was unbearable, coming in waves. All I wanted to do was give in. Sleep till it went away. "But you need to find him."

"We have him, baby," Riles said softly.

"He is at the Inn, John. Brother Bud had him taken there. Is there someplace in particular you would like him buried?"

I shook my aching head. "Anyplace the two of you choose will be perfect. Just promise me you'll do it right." I looked into Riley's eyes, knowing she'd do that.

"It will be done in a good way, John. We'll honor him."

"Good. Good . . . . good." And I was off to la-la land.

RILEY

John was down for the count. It was eight o'clock but felt like midnight. Max and Reags took me to the hotel restaurant and fed me. Then Reags tucked me into bed.

A soft bed. One with sheets and a pillow. I slept like a baby. Dreaming of the Inn, how it would look and all the love around me, taking care of us, protecting us. Then I dreamed of the bear, his lazy rolling amble across the open area under a huge oak. When I woke, I knew that's where he wanted to be buried. It was a perfect place. A spot where he could watch over us, see the Inn, the mountain, even part of the pond. That pond where I'd seen him so many times, lazing in the sun, turning to me then putting his huge fury head down for a nap. God, I was going to miss that bear.

I was going to miss Grandpa Luke. His quirky sense of humor, how he liked his eggs, how he helped John with the work. We'd been so blessed with his presence. So blessed! John was alive.

At breakfast, Colin joined us, explaining that he'd booked a later commercial flight so that he could help with the burial. A quick visit with John, and we were on the road to Stowe. Reagan stayed behind to keep him company.

It was strange to be home. Knowing John was so far away made me uncomfortable. But Reags and Max would be with me until Lachlan came back. And most of my days would be spent at the hospital anyway.

As we pulled in front of the house, I gasped. A huge lump covered with a tarp was dusted with snow. We looked down at it then Colin went to the shed and brought shovels. "Where would like us to dig, darlin'?" He said softly.

I lead them to the tree. Looked around, taking in the view. It was perfect. "Right here."

"Dear One?" Max took me aside. "Do you recognize this place?"

I blinked, glance again and gasped. It was our place, the place where Max and I had made love, where the bear and Maximus had faced off, where I'd seen the reality of our shapeshifter. "Oh Max, is this alright with you?"

He lowered a tender kiss on my brow. "It is correct. Perfect."

Andy arrived with another shovel and helped. I watched the three men sweat, shedding layer after layer of coats and sweatshirts, digging through snow, then earth. When Max determined that the hole was large enough and deep enough, we walked back to Grandpa Luke. The men talked quietly, developing a strategy, how best to move it. Andy brought a large door that we'd discarded. It was solid, heavy and big enough.

As Max uncovered the bear, I dropped to my knees. I guess I really didn't believe it until I saw it. I ran my hand over the thick soft winter pelt, grateful beyond words that Bud had the presence of mind to have it brought home. If he hadn't, already the skin would have been taken to be tanned and sold. Carefully, with respect one would give a man, the men rolled the huge body onto the door.

Colin drilled two holes into the hard wood and tied thick rope to it. With Andy and me pushing the bottom of the skid, Max and Col grunted until we freed it from its resting place. It slid smoothly along the snow leaving a sad, deep trail in its wake. At the site, they all looked over at me.

I sighed. "Please, place him in there on his back, with his head to the west."

It took a long time, but they did it, slowly, gently, lowering him into the hole with the canvas tarp. I climbed in and tucked the lose tarp neatly around the body then set a pouch of tobacco on the bear's chest.

Maximus lifted me out and I took the shovel from his hand.

"No, no Riles." Andy protested. "We'll do this."

"It's important that I do this too," I said through tears. Max stepped back and nodded to the others. I lifted the first shovel full of dirt and sifted it gently into the hole. Max went for another shovel as Colin and Andy followed my lead. The four of us continued until there was a mound of earth covering our departed shapeshifter.

The whole time I heaved dirt, I heard the sound of drums inside my head, a constant ceremonial beat. And the sound of sad singing. Lakota. A final gift from Grandpa Luke.

The sun burst through the clouds slicing a perfect angle, brilliant and golden over the grave as we stood in respect and prayer. It was done in a good way. John will be pleased.

JOHN

It was hard to determine what was real and what was dream for a while. See, the entire time I was on that mountain Grandpa Luke was talking to me, giving me advice about a thousand things. None of it I remember. Was that real?

Then I heard Bud calling Sophie. That was real, but how could I have heard it? I heard the gunshot. Watched the bear drop, felt him die. It happened, but did I really see it? My head ached with all this shit. Maybe the only reality is what's happening right now. The pain in my chest, my ribs. The constant throbbing in my leg. The horrible headache.

And Riley's smile.

I'd actually begun to believe that none of what I saw and heard while on the mountain really happened, even ignored the fact that my Number One and Brothers were back at the Inn, burying a bear.

At my request. Jesus. Maybe I had lost my mind. I don't know.

Just as I was getting comfortable with this newly designed reality, Max and Riles arrived. They told me about where they put the bear, how they did it, and I just nodded. Don't let it get into your head, man. It'll only make you more nuts. And then, Max did something to alter everything.

"Brother," he said softly. "After we buried him, I found this at my feet. It must have fallen off as we shuffled him about. Forgive me."

He dropped it into my palm, and I almost choked. The bear claw. Jesus, Luke? What the hell are you doing to me? I looked up into Max's sorrowful eyes. What was it Luke said to me about those items? "You'll know who they belong to."

"This is for you, Max," I said, handing it back into his opened palm. "Don't ask me how I know." I was pretty sure he'd give me one of those what the hell is this for? looks. But he didn't. He actually bowed his head with that tilted regal way of his in thanks and placed it carefully in his pocket.

LACHLAN

I got back to Vermont as quickly as possible. I gotta admit I was fuckin' worried about John and Riley. She looked like she'd break in a strong wind. Didn't see her eat once the whole time I was there. I for one, love her curves. Can't imagine how John was gonna feel if he got home and found out they were gone. I made it my mission in life to feed her till I could feel her again. She was like a fragile piece of china in my arms when I left.

And John? Hell, he was broken. Been to war mate, and I've seen a lot. Some of the wounded looked better than he did that day. But his spirits were good. That'll get him through it. Like Thorne said; he's alive, and he'll walk. And that alone was a miracle.

For more than a week I stayed at the Inn with Riles. Chopped wood, shuttled her to the hospital. Forced her to eat and sleep. Took care of everything I could think of, even built a long ramp up to the porch so John could get in and out of the house. It'd be slow moving for quite a while, but you know how athletes are. He'd go fucking bonkers just sittin' still.

I tried to think of things she'd need until the next shift got to Vermont. If the hospital discharged John when they were tellin' us they would, she'd be alone for a weekend with him, and I didn't want her to worry about anything. Thought ahead too, mate. Though about things Hando might not be aware of come Monday and got everything set up. Granted, Mere would be there. She's one resilient sheila, that's for sure. Have to be, living with that bloke, then.

Gotta tell ya, Riles has a really hard head. No matter what I did to get her to just relax, it was fuckin' useless. She was on a mission. Explained to me that John had been so meticulous with his notes and information from the engineers, contractors and builders, she felt it was now her job to take over those details. Every day, we'd sit at the hospital till they tossed us out, grab a bite to eat then head back to the Inn where she'd pour over volumes of notes, study blueprints, rummage through desks and file folders to be positive she had everything, fuckin' digested everything she could.

She would read and study that stuff till her eyes were bloody red and she was about to drop. Then one evenin', she gave me the low down. We were moving every stitch of work out of their bedroom. The desk, four fuckin' file cabinets, that drawing board and even taking down the cork board that held the pretty drawing of how the Inn was gonna look.

"I want him to rest, Lach. Seeing this will just make him nuts."

Well, maybe she was right. And of course, I did it. As I was sliding the huge roll top desk into the lounge, I heard a thud, turned to see poor Riles flat on her arse, nearly buried in all the papers and books she was tryin' to carry. Tripped over poor Sophie.

"Shit, just call me Riley Coyote," she grumbled, petting the dog and pushing an unraveled blueprint from her face. Then she giggled. Fuck, it was the first time I heard her do that since before the accident. It was a nice sound. Real nice. I couldn't help it, I laughed. Moving that stuff out of the bedroom was makin' her feel better, and that's all that mattered to me.

It was good to be there with her. For the most part, we acted like old friends, an old married couple, me and Riley. We talked. A lot. I even caught her writing me a letter. She covered it with her arm, told me I had to wait for the next day's post to read it. Made me feel good. She was still lookin' pretty exhausted, but at least she seemed to be smiling a little more.

Old married couple. Did I say that? Even old married couples have sex. We didn't. I didn't feel right about it at first. She was so fuckin' devastated. Lost, really. Every night, after I finally got her to get into bed, I held her close till she fell asleep then went off to the guest room. It'd been eight bloody days. I'm not ashamed to say it was driving me mental.

We were bringin' John home soon. Not sure how she was feeling about that. It seemed like half of her was thrilled and the other half was fuckin' terrified. Considered stayin' a few more days, just till Hando arrived, but I didn't wanna see that look on Biebe's face, ya know. Hell, they needed some time alone together. She'd be fine. Least I hoped.

The last night I was with her, I cooked. Surprised her too. I make a great Lemon Chicken. It's a real bachelor's dish. Simple, leaves time for entertaining, easy to clean up. I even got compliments from the chef. A nice wine, then fresh ground (decaf) coffee.

We cuddled on the love seat in front of the fireplace. I fuckin' swear it was the first time I got her to sit still.

"Mmm. This is so nice, Lach," she mumbled, snuggling closer. Her soft hand ran over my sweater, lay soft on my chest, driving me near the edge. I should have moved away or something, I don't know. But it felt so good, Riley touching me that way. I kissed the top of her head, not really sure what she had in mind. Mate, you know what was on my mind.

I cleared my throat. "Ya got enough wood for the weekend and lots more, just in case Hando isn't the chopping sort. You and Mere can do the marketing, looks like the weather's gonna hold for ya. Hando can do the plowing if it does snow. Keep the road clear, just in case, ya know." I didn't want to say that John might need to get out, back to hospital. But she caught my drift. Stiffened in my arms. "Hey love, just a precaution. Hell, he may wanna go out to see a movie in town. He's lookin' better, darlin'. He'll be so happy to be home." I pulled her closer, felt her warmth and it made my heart thud.

"I'll head out soon as we get him settled in." I almost choked on that. Didn't want to leave. Riley and I haven't had a visit since our first and only one, months ago.

"You know I love you," she whispered, her tiny fingers sliding into mine.

"Yeah, Riley. I know." And that was it. I know she loves me. And I knew what she meant. I hugged her tight, wishing it was different, but under the circumstances, how could I have expected anything else. "I love you too."

"In June, can we go away together, Lach?"

I looked down at her. "You askin' for a visit? Let me alert the bloody press."

She giggled and I smiled. June. So fucking far away. But in reality, John wouldn't be back up to speed till sometime in May. Maybe sooner if he really worked hard at it. "Alright, love. June it is. Where shall we go?"

"Can we go to Oz?" She looked up at me. She looked a bit better, she had been eating. If nothing else, John will have his curves. Riley smiled, her poor tired eyes sparkled. I think it was the first time she was really lookin' at me since I got there. The first time her mind was on me. And she wanted to go to Australia. With me.

"If ya like. It's a big country, darlin'. What do you want to see?"

"Whatever you'd like to show me, Lach."

"Am I too much of a dog if I say, the bed in one of the best hotels in Sydney?"

"I love dogs," she smiled, then cuddled under my arm again, sending shivers down my spine, spasms into my cock and I grit my teeth to control myself. Then I just laughed. What else could I do? Actually, we both laughed. We made plans for June and I kissed her goodnight at her bedroom door.

JOHN

Finally! They were letting me go home, and I can't begin to tell you how good that made me feel, ay. So fucking tired of being woken up in the middle of the night while some nurse pokes or prods me. Sick of fucking needles, sick of looking out the same damn window. Just plain sick of it all.

Of course, there was the other side of the whole thing. I was still in so fucking much pain I could barely see straight. Part of it was the meds, making me feel like I was in outer space most of the time. But believe it or not, the best part of being in the hospital was the therapy. Now, that hurt like fucking hell, but at least it was productive, you know.

Since the day after the surgery, they'd had me up and using crutches. Pulling myself to my feet, dragging myself around. Granted, it was only for about five minutes a day and I usually slept like a log for hours after, but it was worth it. At least I felt like I was getting better. Making progress, you know.

Then the therapist had a long talk with me. Not what I wanted to hear at all. He told me I'd have a set back when I got home. That the pain medication would be cut back till it was finally eliminated. But I still needed to keep working through it. He said I'd be more exhausted, more miserable and even grumpier than I'd been so far. But he demanded a commitment from me not to stop or even slow down.

Fucking shit! I remember looking at his face, wondering who the hell he thought he was talking to. I had tons of shit on my plate. A goddamn Inn to build. There was no fucking way I was about to slow down. Must have read my mind, because he pushed me harder that day. Jesus, I was fucking begging for pain relief. So much for my ego. And we only worked ten minutes longer than normal.

As I felt myself drop into the oblivion of painless sleep, I remember thinking, oh man, I am really fucked.

Maybe that last word is what caused it, you know. Fucked. Or maybe it was the lack there of. Not like I had the desire. Hell, I couldn't even imagine how I'd go about it. Fucking cast from above my knee to my foot, aching chest, fuck. Aching everything. But even if my body wasn't in the mood, my imagination sure was. Combine that with the drugs, and . . .

***

I was in the Temple ballroom, wearing that tuxedo I wore for the auction, feeling pretty good too. I looked around me. Every one of the Sisters were there, all dressed in long, pretty gowns. Not a Brother in site and remember thinking, damn, I hit pay dirt here for sure. I stood in the center of the room and just grinned at them, turned a full circle, taking in how beautiful they all are. Then the music started.

My eyes fell on Isobel and I held out my hand to her. She stepped forward, set her tiny fingers in my palm, wrapped her arm up around my neck and smiled. Jesus. Isobel. As I turned her on the floor, moving easily with the music, I watched her long dark curls float gently, tickling my hand at the small of her back. Looking deep into her eyes, I saw so fucking much. Isobel. God sakes, where the hell would we all be without Isobel? So strong. So fucking beautiful it made my knees weak. A woman completely built on love, fairness, honesty. Our priestess and my salvation more times that I can tell.

I swear I could feel her heart beat inside mine. My legs moved smoothly, pressing against her thighs and thrilling me all the way to my teeth. I wanted to say something to her, anything to make her realize how much she means to me, but as the music died away, her fingertips touched my lips.

"I know, Papa Bear. I love you just as much."

I held her close and kissed those luscious lips. So fucking soft and inviting.

Then she vanished. Gone. The music changed and Dee was in my arms, telling me what lay ahead as we moved on the dance floor.

"No slacking off, John. No matter how much it hurts, you keep at it. I know you intend to get well fast, but not too fast. Follow the plan. Work hard. Call if you need encouragement. Terry and I are here for you."

I nodded. She knew damn well what she was talking about, having gotten her Number One through physical rehabilitation. Then her eyes softened and she smiled. Our Dee. One sister I really want to know better. Very private, so beautiful. And the quickest sense of humor in our world. Smart as hell and I'm so fucking attracted to her it makes my toes curl. One of these days I'm gonna get her to ask for me. One of these days. One of these days.

The pulse of the music altered, a waltz tugged at my heart along with the lovely face I was gazing down at. Natalie. My Sweetheart. Well, I call her that because she makes me feel pretty damn special. She is my sweetheart and has been since the day we met. We know each other well, moving together in perfect harmony like we do making love was thrilling, comforting. Kind of a relief. Dancing with Nat made me feel whole again, like I was really going to make it though all this shit.

Pretty remarkable how different these women are. How big a part they play in my life. How they offer themselves and accept what I am, whatever that is at the time. Every one of them will listen, touch, smile and offer their tears for me. Show me their strengths and their weaknesses. If I haven't said it lately, I'll say it now. I am one lucky man. To be here, to share the support and love of this world. One fucking lucky man. As my eyes trailed to Nat's neck, down into her warm inviting cleavage showing at the edges of her dress, the music changed. The color of the dress change, the cleavage change.

Reagan. Oh Jesus. Reagan. How do you describe the love you have for a woman you once had? I mean really had. Waking day after day beside her, sliding comfortably into her in the wee hours of the morning just because you knew you could, knew what she liked, what she wanted. Familiarity.

Life is about a tug of war. But our war, Reags and mine, lead to real peace. The kind that makes everything right. I'm not talking compromise here. I'm talking right. It was right for her to be with Max. Right for me to be with Riley. Abso-fucking-lutely right.

You all know the truth though, how I handled it. Outside I was supporting it, inside I was fucking hating it. Especially before Riley came. It was eating me alive. Jealousy is my personal hell. But ay, it was the General. And I really hadn't lost at all. We all fucking won.

Took that familiarity and used it, dancing with her. Held her close, sucked her lips and moved my hands over her back.

"I'm always here for you John," she whispered.

As I raised her hand and spun her gently, the face changed. The black gown became deep green, and Meredith grinned her playful smile at me. Fuck the music, I just tugged her into a tight hug and chuckled. "Pretty Baby," I whispered into her hair.

"I thought you were going to dance with me," she said, and I moved my feet, wrapped around her sweet body and dancing us in a circle. Mere was Riley's best connection with the other world. So good and positive, I can't even start to tell you how grateful I am for it. Mere was Riles' support there when things got bad. And now, no one, not even me, can get the same kind of smile out of my Number One like this girl could.

She could get one hell of a smile out of me too, ay. My hands tightened around her tiny waist and I leaned down into a wonderful kiss. One that left us both gasping. Damn I liked that dream. I could move, I could breath. Thank God for that, ay, cause I was drawing some pretty deep breaths, feeling my cock grow bigger and harder with each Sister I held on the dance floor.

Then Mere disappeared and our newest Sister stood in front of me. Man, she is sweet. Monica. Pretty as hell, that long red hair reaching to her waist, almost covering up those perky breasts under the soft golden dress she wore. I bowed, asked her to dance.

She was shy, tentative as she reached for my shoulders with both arms. Her eyes met mine.

"Smile, Monna," I teased, and she did. A sweet smile with signs of promise. I danced a little far from her, not wanting her to feel how fucking much I wanted her. Not yet. Maybe someday soon, but not just yet. She leaned in and kissed my cheek.

"So glad you're with is, Monna," I whispered into her ear.

Then, suddenly there was a charge soaring through me. I didn't even need to pull back to look at her. I knew it was Darcy. My sweet, hot Pepper, holding me in a tight embrace, making me fucking crazy. Jesus, her heat is remarkable, her whole demeanor, simply pure love. Pure sex. Pure, unadulterated connection. My fucking best friend on earth.

I could feel her skin under the light blue fabric, warm, inviting. Could actually taste her on my tongue. The hot, sweet, mellow flavor between her perfect thighs. "Ah, Darce," I groaned, almost feeling the soft texture of her sex in my mouth.

Then she was gone. I stood still, alone. My heart dropped, felt lost for a moment. I closed my eyes and when I opened them, I wasn't in the ballroom anymore. I was in my own living room, under the blue wool blanket with Riles.

My hands were under her sweater, cupping her warm breasts and I listened to her soft sigh. We laughed and struggled our way out of jeans and shirts, sweaters and socks, all the time staying snug under that blanket. I love that fucking blanket.

The fireplace crackled and Riley ran her hands over my arms, kissed the center of my chest and I just watched her in the dimness under that wool. She is beautiful, man. Really something special. My heart started to go into overdrive as she kissed my belly, licked into my navel and cupped my painful hard cock in those tiny hands, sliding along it like it was something she treasured. Making me feel like the best thing on earth.

She tenderly kissed the tip and sucked me in deep. Ah fuck. The feeling. I hissed and groaned, my hands twisted in her hair, wanting more. Wanting everything. But I knew I wasn't gonna last long like that. Just knew it. I smoothed her soft hair and tugged at her arms, bringing her back up over me so I could kiss her. Man, I wanted to kiss her. Kiss her silly, till she was melting for me.

I rolled her under me, never letting her lips go. Never, ever wanting to let her go. God sakes, where the hell would I be without her? What would I be? And I wondered if she even had a clue how much she's brought out in me. Helped me to live, really fucking live. Be myself and trust that it was all gonna be okay. Warts and all.

Man, we'd been through a lot. And only in a few short months, actually. But Riley felt like she'd always been in my heart, sitting quietly in my soul till the day she crossed and brought that spark alive in me.

Alive was what I was feeling that moment too. Really alive, hotter than hell and needing her. All of her. And all at once, ay.

When I put my mouth to her sex, I couldn't keep my hands from her breasts. When I wanted her mouth hot and sucking at mine, I wanted my cock deep inside. When I was inside, I wanted another taste. Damn. I couldn't make up my mind. I wanted it all.

It wasn't the first time we'd made love like that, stopping and starting again. Taking a breath, talking a little then moving back to it. But it was the best time. That's when I realized I wasn't dreaming at all. I was remembering. It was the last time I really held her. Just before the call from ski patrol. And it was fucking amazing.

She's a little thing, ya know. Real petite, small, tight. Not too tight, mind you, but tight enough for me to know it's her. All women are unique, special. But your Number One, fuck, that's just, I don't know, more than special. But I'm a man, ay. So the feel of her all snug, wet and moving under me makes me fucking nuts. It was the final go, and I knew it. Wanted to make it last as long as I could. I was dancing with my baby, there under the blue blanket.

When I felt her trembling all around me, building to her climax, I didn't speed up. I went with the rhythm of the music in my head. The melody that is us, me and Riles, together. Christ, she was coming slow, but steady. It was going to be a good one. The kind of come that gives me wet fucking dreams, remembering how beautiful she looks, giving it all up for me like that.

She was gasping, panting, and I just kept at it, smooth as silk, controlling every urge I had to slam a thousand fast deep thrusts. Watching her face. Jesus fucking Christ, it was almost too much, too hard to do, but I did it. Didn't go for my own till she was deep in it. Crying out my name.

Then all hell broke loose, ay. My hips went into automatic pilot and I grasped her sweet ass, pulling it up to me with every slam. God it felt good. Getting closer and closer, feeling her spasms pulse and press on me. I was seeing stars. Grunting like a fucking animal, but just the touch of her hand made it right, you know. Her hot, sweaty palm on my face made me feel like I was doing it right. Right for her. That's all that matters.

My fucking balls locked tight and I blew. Filled her with everything I had. My heart was pumping like a jackhammer and I just kept pressing into her, deeper and deeper, making sure she got all of it. All of me.

***

I woke with a start; sure I'd made one hell of a mess under the hospital sheet. Reached down. Nothing. Huh. But none of that mattered. I was going home.

Home.